Thanks for all of your thoughts on the subject...

It's been on my mind all day and I decided to not reduce the dosage until I have actual results. I'm hoping the results lead to enough AF days that Nal becomes a very insignificant part of my life. Heck, I've been faking a lot of things for years to cover up the AL effects.. at least this is temporary and going towards a great ending..Would love to know if my kids (the teens) notice any changes despite being utterly absorbed in their world but I'm afraid of the answer.. Also have a couple of little ones and as long as they can get to the pool, they're happy

please let this work..

Here it is, Monday morning in the middle of Week 10 and I am completely (what's the word for the opposite of hungover?) feeling ok / fine / happy / energetic / ready to start the day....

Typically, I have 2 heavy drinking weekend nights, especially if the weekend is considered from Thursday - Sunday. Friday was the worst but once the socializing was over, I was done drinking and didn't think about continuing by myself. Just went to bed. Saturday was only 3 drinks and a half-full bottle of wine was left (!!!) Figured I just ate enough so that drinking wasn't going to give me a good buzz. Read a book and watched a movie. So Sunday, I was feeling nervous. Even though I didn't want to overdo it, I was prepared since I had 3 days of not doing too much damage - the ADE in force?? Decided to just go with whatever. So, ended up with a mixed drink, then a half bottle of wine....then by myself so I got another glass of wine but it felt more out of habit than strong craving. After that, nothing. There was another glass available but it just didn't call me - did it forget my number???

So this is the first Monday in a long, long time that I'm not ready for a nap at 9 am and that I will actually get everything done that needs to be done and feel great while doing it...

If this is actually TSM working, then I'm greedy and want it to HURRY UP and finish the job.

That's fantastic! Yes, it is TSM working, bank on it!

Great report Virginia. I'm a couple weeks behind you but already having somewhat similar experiences. I haven't been in a mood or condition to read a book before bed in years. Last night I was gulping down ... chapters.

I'm VERY happy for you Virginia. I'm sure this was the first good weekend in a pattern of many more to come - congratulations!

Still concerned that this is a tiny blip and that I may have weeks left before the cure when it's the typical Monday blues.. Also, Monday is usually an AF day for me due to the recovery period. Since I'm not feeling bad, wonder how the cravings will be tonight.. still have 1 glass of wine opened in the fridge (won't open a new bottle) - maybe I should just have it to get another extinction day in. Or is that the alcoholic in me talking / rationalizing???

Week 10

Well, this is the 1st week in a long time that I didn't have one single day that I felt hungover. My numbers are about the same as last week (27.5 drinks) but I was drinking slower and on a couple of nights, the last drink was habit and went down super-slow - should have walked away. There's been no passing out at night, fully functional and clear-eyed in the morning. This is so motivating that I'm afraid I'll start trying too hard and it won't be the Nal working, it will be will-power. Already decided to have an AF day today and don't think that's ever happened on a Thursday before. Want to see the line moving down on my chart 2 AF days will help that line..

I'm talking about TSM to more people... seem to be around people or hear about people that are struggling with alcohol. Wasn't going to tell people outside the close circle until I was cured but it's hard to listen to the stories when there is an option like this. No one I know, except for 1 person, has been successful with AA or rehab or will even consider abstinence. Heck, I only considered it on my worst days. The hard part in talking about it is the clear acknowledgment that I have a drinking problem. Either people are truly surprised that I have a problem or they're faking it.. My guess is that they're faking it.. Everyone has seen me out of control at some point..

Have been watching the soberrecovery debate and it's truly fascinating to see such closed minds. Fear is a powerful thing. I'm afraid that after I'm cured, I'll just take it for granted and not spread the word enough to make a difference. Well, if I can help just the people I know, it will be huge. Thanks to all sides of my family that contributed to my alcoholic genetics Time for payback..

No hangovers is a great sign of progress - good for you!

Week 11 -

Another week with no hangovers, maybe 2 drinks less than average but not really significant.

However, not looking at numbers, something is changing. I'm no longer the first person to finish a drink. Still craving the drinks but once I have one in my hand, I'm in no rush to finish and get to the second, third, or fourth one. Out of habit, I will speed up my drinking near the end of the 1st one, just to keep pace but it's no longer a compulsion. Hoping that the habit will end soon.

Last night was truly strange - had a mixed drink, refreshed halfway through and then my husband wanted to open a bottle of wine. I had thought we were sticking with mixed drinks and had planned to stop after my 1 and a half. Normally, when he says let's open a bottle, I get that very happy feeling... this time, I poured him a glass and decided to get a glass later. But I couldn't. I just did not want it. And it really pissed me off. How could I not want it?? There was a true internal struggle going on that I am not explaining well - have never felt this before. The idea of having a glass of wine was so compelling and I knew it would put me in a better mood but I just couldn't make myself get it. Husband was like, where is your glass, well have some of mine. Almost felt like it would make me sick.

Then my dreams were as vivid as what others have described.. dreamed I got wasted and stupid and was trying to take care of a baby. (ok that has happened in real life before

Woke up feeling guilty and ashamed.

I'm hoping that this is a turning point and that my numbers start dropping. Actually made plans this weekend that will disrupt the normal drinking routine - will be curious to see how anxious I feel.

Thanks for listening

This is real, meaningful progress. The fact that you no longer obsess over the drink, drink more slowly, and passed on the wine altogether is what I call, "falling out of love with alcohol." I am experiencing the same thing. It reminds me of relationships gone bad. At first everything is perfect. Then as time goes by, little things start to bother you. Then as more time goes by, more and more things start to bother you and slowly and gradually, you start to reconsider whether the relationship is really working for you. Taking naltrexone has permitted me to realistically examine the ugly side of alcohol. And the more I examine it, the more I realize I don't like the person it makes me and the more I realize I'm falling out of love with alcohol. Its warts, unexamined pre-TSM, are being exposed to me on a daily basis.

In the first month or so I also had several dreams riddled with conflict, all involving mortal struggle. It was theorized by some on this board that what was going on was an unconscious battle where my alcoholic mind is being confronted by the reality that my habit is dangerous and needs to end. As a result, night after night I would dream that I was either killing someone or someone was killing me. It sounds as if you are going through a similar, unconscious struggle. Part of your mind is recognizing the non-glamorous, wart-covered aspect to drinking and it is causing you internal conflict. This is exemplified by the guilt you are feeling caring for your baby while being impaired by alcohol.

Anyway, just my amateurish psycho-babble observations and there may be nothing to them. But the bottom line is that you are falling out of love with alcohol and are well on your way to the cure. Congratulations.