Hi I've been reading these posts( is that what they are called or blogs ?) for a few weeks and been alittle nervouse about staring since I'm the WORST speller and don't know my way around a comporter. I don't want to make it too diffaclt for people to figrue out what I'm asking or telling. Boy comporters with spell check would have made my college life a whole lot easer, but that was 30 years ago. I have lived AA my whole life. Alteen for years, aclohalic parents, Allenon, drunk BF, spouce, AA for myself. I do not want to offen the well meaning people of AA, or have them think this is a derogatory statement but I truely beleave my higher power lead my to TSM. By college my al ceerer was well astablished, keeping a cooler of beer and a bottle of wine in my car at all times incase I wanted it or more often needed it. al used to give my engery, it was my freind, it made what ever I was doing so much more fun. When my kids were little I was the mom having over to top birthday partys, make big deals of holadays, dressing up with the kids on hoolowen, buying the largest xmas tree, you know the whole fun drunken mintallty, and having alot of fun. I am a 24/7, well would be but thank god I have a job m-f or like the weekends I'd be drinking frest thing in the morning. And for the past 6-7 years al has been soaking up my soul. I think it was Amy who said she feels like a "shell of her self", well I am there too. I have little instest in anything. I'm there for my teenages but with no inthuseasin. I miss me. The blackouts are aful, the kids always saying "Mom I told you that yesterday", forgetting apportments. My BF of 9 years like to go out to dinner, last night we went to a wounderful french place, great wine, a waiter who was trying to pull off a french accent and a $250 bill for the two of us --- and I can't remember what I eat. BF told me that I loved it though. I started TSM on the 19th augest. My pre TSM was 60+, last week I was 47, begaining of a hoonymoon maybe. I did two 25mg sesions with no and I mean no side effecks. When I started 50mg I was a little spacy, but used to that felling being I'm hungover most of the time. There was and is no nausa, the dreams are more vived but I've always had a wiead sleeping patterans, sleep walking, reagganging forature in my sleep, ect.. al indused. I don't feel as drunk, sluring words, stumbing and such. But I am getting a buzz quicker. The biggest thing I have notice is that I wake up with no or little hangover. I can't remember a morning in years when I woke up felling ok, It is the strangest felling, a great felling. I am putting alot of hope into this, I know do not over think it, I'm not right now but I know me and will try to find a way to excellerate the prosses. I am so eager to start me new life without or at lease little al inveled. My kids are teenages and wont be around much longer, I so don't want to waist the little time I have left. Thank you the CRURED ones for still posting, I hang on your ever word, it gives me hope. So like it was said (sorry I forgot who started this) I am so ready and also scard (where do I go if it dosn't work) to jump on this moving train! And again sorry it's so hard to follow what I'm saying (please let there be spell check out there somewhere) Also I don't know yet how to figure out having a attacment of my (hopeful) progress. Thank you my higher power for your gaidance and thanks to all of you, you give me hope.
_________________ Pre -- 60+/wk week, units, cravings wk1--51---10 wk2--62---10 wk3--60 wk4--69 wk5--63 wk6--68 wk7--63 wk8--74 wk9--61 wk10--70 wk11--67
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