Ladies, on the FWB thing: you absolutely must make sure this person is not in any way BF or hubby material, and that you both know this is so, and why. For example: an older man who still wants to enjoy sex, but is married to a woman completely uninterested in it. (I never did this, but had a friend who did - the wife had Alzheimers - and the two of them were/are very close friends. The wife doesn't know, isn't hurt - and the man gets much needed human touch and caring.) A widower who has no desire to 'replace' his lost wife, but who would enjoy sex and companionship. Many such men are out there but shy away from the dating scene b/c there are so many needy older women who have MARRIAGE on their mind. Or, a much younger man who enjoys the company of older women (yes, they are out there. . .best case scenario!). Someone with a social disorder, but who is otherwise a very nice person in need of human companionship (I know of just such a man). A single father raising children, who doesn't want to become involved w/anyone until the kids are all grown up. There are any number of possibilities, really. The nice thing is, you can help enrich someone's life - and be a true friend - without making any 'forever after' committments. No expectations, no disappointments.

What you do not want - and what you've both ended up with - is to hook up with someone who is, on the face of it, available and appropriate - but the chemistry just isn't there for you. Believe me, if you continue in a sexual relationship with such a person, sooner or later someone is going to get hooked - and hurt. If you continue in a relationship where you know the man is smitten with you, and there's no chance those feelings will be reciprocated. . .then human compassion dictates that you put an end to it asap.

houtx, as for the guy being unemployed - so what? We all go through difficult periods where the ground shakes under our feet and we lose many of the things we value in life, whether jobs, relationships, homes. It's part of the human experience, and serves a higher purpose in the end. So if you choose to break up with him now, it will be just one more thing he has to deal with while he's in survivor's mode. Tough, but it won't kill him. Meantime you're not doing him any favors by hanging in there - maybe if you break up with him, someone truly caring and supportive will come into his life. Who knows? In any case, repeat after me: "I like this guy, but I don't love him - and his employment/emotional situation is not my problem!" Hey, you're a kind-hearted gal - repeat that mantra 25X if it will help. But break it up, as a favor to him and to you. (Disclaimer: Since you are not paying for this advice, determine its value for yourself!)

G4M -
I LOVE You!!! Almost 'nuff said...it's late and if I didn't have to get up & go to work tomorrow I'd go into much more detail than I'm about to now. Suffice to say, you make perfect sense about not stringing this guy on...his employment status is not my problem. He also KNOWS I am emotionally (& now) physically unavailable to him. Without saying it specifically, I just say no to his invitations to come over. He knows I am not into it. I just need to be the one who calls for a change and says "I am pulling the plug; heart not into it; etcetcetcetc"...

So I am emailing a couple of newbies from match. (WTE, you might need to get back on). Then, in a weak moment on vacation this week, I sent a "Hey how are you?" text mssg to the HeartBreaker. He texted back a day later, asking questions, we exchanged a few...he said "maybe we can meet for a drink this week & catch up". I won't pursue - balls in his court. But lets register how tight my heart is being contricted on the "SQEEZ-O-METER"....
ohhhhhh gaaaawwwwddddd

I need something new...NOW!! LOL

G4M - oh the tangled web they weave!! Coming over with no invitation?? Mighty bold of him - did he learn his lesson, being asked to leave? I think I would - death by being ushered out! Whoa -

So tonight the FWB called & wanted me to come over ( I was leaving the golf course @ 7:30, sweaty, no clothes or supplies..right!) We chatted about what's on the agenda for the next week..he finally asked when he will see me, and after a little hemming & hawing, I just sort-of said we needed to back off. Boldness clicked in: "FWB, my heart just isn't in this. There is no future here and I just don't want to string you along anymore. I just want to be friends & that's all."

He responded, "So we can still be friends?" "Of course!" I said. And after a few brief lines, we pretty much left it at that. I felt soooooooooooo bad, but then again, not. It was overdue. He was not all that shocked or surprised, I don't think. Of course he knew - I have never been very passionate with him or affectionate. He knew it was coming...I'm sure of that.

So I have 2 new prospects on match. And the texts w/ the Heartbreak were kindof interesting. I doubt he remembers and the week will go by with no follow-up on the "maybe next week we can meet & catch up"...eh. Silly thoughts indeed...

Jury f***ing duty tomorrow...maybe I will meet a nice defense attorney who singles me out in the crowd, along the lines of Alan Shores on Boston Legal!! LOL

OOPs - I meant WTE in the first line...It's been a long day!!

Remember guys, I met JAKE on Match. Yep, had to kiss a lot of frogs - but there are definitely some princes out there!

I feel so bad for you ladies, remembering how I just wanted that 'someone special' to come along, and each man I met was 'not it.' The disappointment, drama, occasional depression. No fun. One of my very good friends stopped by yesterday, and she's divorcing her husband. Has many of the same issues I did, and I know she's going to be in for the ride of her life. Poor gal. One problem was that her contractor husband (who does excellent work) has not gone out to bid on jobs. As the primary breadwinner of the household, there's a good chance she'll be stuck supporting this guy if the divorce goes through while he's not working. So. . .(*evil grin*). . .I called and asked him to come up and bid on some work I need done around here over the summer. He's really not a bad guy - just extremely negative, and given to drinking, smoking pot, gambling - and running up horrific debt that my friend ends up paying off over and over again. (She's a financial consultant for a large string of nursing homes, so you can guess what this does to her!)

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just haven't been on here to chat much of late!

Oh yes, houtx, I agree with W2E completely - you will NOT be able to be 'just friends' with a guy who is already smitten with you. He'll just wait for his opportunity, and when you have a lonely, weak, (horny) moment, you'll be right back where you started. I played on that merry-go-round for months with my ex-husband.

Hey Houtx. Hugs and greetings to you. I agree with the statement that you can't be " just friends " with someone who is already smitten. They may try but they can't do it if they secretly want more. I have found this to be the case. Some guys were friends after but they were ones who weren't totally in to it before.

I felt really spacey today after taking my Nal. Also a little nauseated. Unusual for me.

Just checking in a wishing you the best.

Thx gf - I have gotten a couple of texts from the FWB & haven't written back. I'll be gentle with him but understand what everyone has said here. Went on a meet & greet last night w/ a man I knew in the first 15 minutes wasn't going to be a contender. Still, we are playing golf after my shift on Sunday, just for fun. Then I will tell him the "no chemistry" thing...

I haven't been on a date in awhile. This man talked about himself the whole time. It was amazing. He never stopped to ask me a single thing about me. When he paused, I interjected a few things, but he didn't respond much except to go on about his own stories...I was kind-of going bleary-eyed. How much "uh huh" and "Oh how funny!/ Hmmm/ Now when, what, where, how ...etcetc"...questions do you ask before thinking "HELLO!!! Are you not interested in ME??"

I think he was just a nervous Ned (I'd say Nick but don't want to include our resident dude in any illusions LOL) He made some verbal stumbles, which I have no problem with, clearly he was a little nervous with my luminous self LOL - I was not at all on edge. I am so jaded on this whole dating thing. I am NEVER nervous. I am the cool, collected one & try my best to put the guy at ease...we had a nice time. He called me today @ lunchtime to tell me he was thinking about me & what a nice time he had...well yeah!! I sat across from him looking great, asking questions and listening attentively to all he had to say.

I'm assuming that's what he needed - to talk to someone, which is fine. He was entertaining. But even more than that, I just didn't feel the chemistry. My heartbreak guy looms...tomorrow we have tentative plans to get together. Many changes in his life. I want to know. I can't help but feel a little hopeful.

Go ahead, WTE and jump on me...I need it. But I need to see him. I want to keep my fingers crossed even still...I will slump and cry when we part, but I am prepared for that. I just want to see him. Crazy **** this love stuff. Hate it. Love it. Wish I could explain it...who can?!

I witnessed love in the couple we stayed with in Michigan...I want that. Will keep hoping and being patient until it happens to come my way...and no doubt it will.

My progress on the TSM?? ehhh - I am being positive. Always trying to be aware of the little things we've discussed before. Hanging in - trying not to beat myself up. Feeling good that I am "doing something". Seriously. If I should get hit by a truck, I hope people at my funeral will note that HoustonTx actually was doing something to address her drinking "problem"...will someone please pipe up from here?? LOL

G'nite

WTE - reading your post brought tears to my eyes for the first time since I came home hours ago. Thx for being my friend -

How can I possibly be thinking of a future with this man when he has 2 margaritas and declares himself drunk!!?? LOL I had 2 Rum/diet cokes & later he asked me if I was ok to drive home. I just scoffed & looked at him like he was crazy...sheesh...but such a small issue really. Just that I have not and cannot fathom sharing my "little problem" with him...there are so many other issues.

Still...it was sooooooooooooo great to be with him. We laughed, talked, caught up. Kissed much afterwards...talked about the next time...not anything about major future stuff, just that we should meet again for coffee, lunch, and yes, he'd love to come to dinner at my place...

I looked soooooooo hot, quite frankly. In a great little dress that hugged my curves, graphic print from a cool little boutique "Francesca's"...he was very complimentary and was looking at my everything...:-) sweetness. It was better than I expected in that I did not slump/cry afterwards and he was very into me bigtime during and after...looking at me, touching, hugging & kissing...

He is in a better place personally & professionally and enough time has gone by to where there may be something to come. We left it at that, w/ possibilities for more & perhaps soon. But no pressure. I will play the game. I know how. Let them do the pursuing. PLay it a little hard to get for sure & keep looking on the side.

He looked older & worn out. His blue eyes, tired. Gawd, I want to be his woman and take care of him!! I got the chance to hug and hold and kiss and caress him. He did the same - it was sweet...

I felt it again but am so very cautious w/ him...'nuff said for tonite. Gotta go to bed. Lots to think about :-)

Houtx, so happy for you but be careful. This could possibly work out in the long run. My husband and I were together for a couple of years and I put it point blank, step up to the plate or move on. He moved on! We stayed in contact and I had several dates similar to what you are speaking of. We were apart from July til November, but in touch frequently, even went on a vacation together and then parted on friendly terms. I played the game and my heart was in my throat but I was just happy to be with him. In November of that year he invited me to a mutual friends house to celebrate his birthday and I went. When I got home there was a message on my machine from my nephew that my brother had died suddenly. He comforted me and then asked, so are we a couple again???? Men are so dam strange! We have been together ever since so your story so resonates with me. I did join Match during our seperation and dated several frogs and a stalker because I never thought he would commit or come back. What a wonderful surprise. He is now a devoted husband of 2 l/2 years, has his flaws but is definitely into me and this lifetime commitment. Sometimes I doubt this because of my past experiences but it's the real deal and maybe it will be the real deal for you.
Keep your cool, continue to live your life and what will be will be! Good luck, happy for you!

Thanks darlin! I am up late - got home late from the golf course, on here and FB, checking things out.

Thx for your words of encouragement & for keeping your fingers crossed for me. I so appreciate your friendship. Hope you are getting out & doing things!
Luv ya too! XO