Nick, you are so right on with this. I discovered the hard way that there are friends, and there are pretend-friends. Real friends are rare, and to be valued above almost anything else in the world. I have one GF who would jump under a train to save me if need be. . .then I had a number of 'friends' who completely disappeared when my fortunes started to turn a couple of years back. Now those same people see my star beginning to rise again - and I'm suddenly back on their e-mail lists.

In the end all the pain and loss is worth it if it helps us see people as they really are. While I will always care for all of my friends, it's good to know who you can really trust.

craving, it sounds as though you have a real gem of a gf. Your posts are always moving, as you dare to be completely vulnerable. Keep on keepin' on!

Another thing, craving -
I love it that you are posting here as if in journal entry form & being so very honest. Also you are obviously doing it while under the influence, as we all do, and thus not so reality-based. We understand. Please just be yourself but understand you are being much harder on yourself than otherwise, I think, when under the influence (UTI). You are a good person, you are here and TRYING to get better!! Remember that - it's HUGE, the fact you are doing something MAJOR to change your quality of life.

Ease up on yourself. Look for what you did right today...and do something sweet for the GF. I'm thinking nasty w/ bubbles :-)

Let us know. Many of us have such shallow, empty lives...:-/

houtx and Goin4More Thank you so much for your kind words. It is highly appreciated.

I am opening myself totally here. I am writing in journal form what moves my mind - what I think is going on with me.
And very often I am drinking meanwhile writing - which explains sometimes a confused posting.

I think it is highly important to start to control yourself, and what is better than showing what is going on on your mind than posting it here?
My hope is that it will help others, to decide going for Nal - which is really the most amazing medicine I have ever taken.

We tend to be too hard to ourselves that is very true. But I think it helps confronting yourself with it.

This week something interesting happened. On Friday night I puked up 3 times at night and I was feeling so sick after having drunk 6 units.
I think my tolerance is continuing to reduce. Positive effect of this : I really did not have any desire to drink Saturday or Sunday as I had a such bad night on Friday!

summary

Week 1
........Mon, 20.04. pre-SM AF
........Tue, 21.04. pre-SM AF
........Wed, 22.04. pre-SM AF
........Thu, 23.04. 5.7 units (SM Start 25mg Nal)
........Fri, 24.04. 6 units
........Sat, 25.04. AF
........Sun, 26.04. 5 units

........Total units : 16.7 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 5.6

Week 2
........Mon, 27.04. 5 units
........Tue, 28.04. AF
........Wed, 29.04. 5 units
........Thu, 30.04. AF
........Fri, 01.05. AF
........Sat, 02.05. AF
........Sun, 03.05. 1.5 units

........Total units : 11.5 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 3.8

Week 3
........Mon, 04.05. AF
........Tue, 05.05. 1.5 units (switch to 50mg Nal)
........Wed, 06.05. AF
........Thu, 07.05. 1.5 units
........Fri, 08.05. 1 unit
........Sat, 09.05. AF
........Sun, 10.05. AF

........Total units : 4 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 1.3

Week 4
........Mon, 11.05. 1 unit
........Tue, 12.05. AF
........Wed, 13.05. AF
........Thu, 14.05. 3 units
........Fri, 15.05. AF
........Sat, 16.05. AF
........Sun, 17.05. 5 units

........Total units : 9 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 3.0

Week 5
........Mon, 18.05. AF
........Tue, 19.05. 1 unit
........Wed, 20.05. 4 units
........Thu, 21.05. AF
........Fri, 22.05. 4 units
........Sat, 23.05. AF
........Sun, 24.05. AF

........Total units : 9 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 3.0

Week 6
........Mon, 25.05. 5 units
........Tue, 26.05. AF
........Wed, 27.05. AF
........Thu, 28.05. AF
........Fri, 29.05. 4 units
........Sat, 30.05. AF
........Sun, 31.05. 4 units

........Total units : 13 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 4.3

Week 7
........Mon, 01.06. AF
........Tue, 02.06. 5 units
........Wed, 03.06. 4 units
........Thu, 04.06. AF
........Fri, 05.06. 3 units
........Sat, 06.06. AF
........Sun, 07.06. AF


........Total units : 12 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 4.0

Week 8
........Mon, 08.06. 4 units
........Tue, 09.06. AF
........Wed, 10.06. 4 units
........Thu, 11.06. AF
........Fri, 12.06. 5 units
........Sat, 13.06. AF
........Sun, 14.06. 5 units


........Total units : 19 units
........AF days : 3
........avg. units per drinking session : 4.5

Week 9
........Mon, 15.06. AF
........Tue, 16.06. 5 units
........Wed, 17.06. 4 units
........Thu, 18.06. AF
........Fri, 19.06. 6 units
........Sat, 20.06. 7 units
........Sun, 21.06. AF


........Total units : 22 units
........AF days : 3
........avg. units per drinking session : 5.5

Week 10
........Mon, 22.06. 6 units
........Tue, 23.06. 5 units
........Wed, 24.06. 5 units
........Thu, 25.06. AF
........Fri, 26.06. AF
........Sat, 27.06. AF
........Sun, 28.06. 5 units


........Total units : 21 units
........AF days : 3
........avg. units per drinking session : 5.3

Week 11
........Mon, 29.06. 5 units
........Tue, 30.06. 6 units
........Wed, 01.07. AF
........Thu, 02.07. 4 units
........Fri, 03.07. 4 units
........Sat, 04.07. AF
........Sun, 05.07. 5 units


........Total units : 24 units
........AF days : 2
........avg. units per drinking session : 4.8

Week 12
........Mon, 06.07. AF
........Tue, 07.07. 6 units
........Wed, 08.07. 5 units
........Thu, 09.07. 5 units
........Fri, 10.07. AF
........Sat, 11.07. 3 units
........Sun, 12.07. AF


........Total units : 19 units
........AF days : 3
........avg. units per drinking session : 4.7


Week 13
........Mon, 13.07. AF
........Tue, 14.07. 6 units
........Wed, 15.07. 5 units
........Thu, 16.07. AF
........Fri, 17.07. 6 units
........Sat, 18.07. AF
........Sun, 19.07. AF


........Total units : 17 units
........AF days : 4
........avg. units per drinking session : 5.6

3 units today.

Alcohol tastes very bad. I stuck drinking - I can not swallow it - I have to force myself to drink at all.

The buzz does not feel good ... feels like getting sick again.

craving. If I were to have ONE week with the consumption of yours - I would feel cured. Not to compare apples with walnuts. . .but you should be extremely proud that you saw a problem in the making, and did something about it!

Goin4More, don't be so hard to yourself. You are sticking to it, and you are confronting yourself with it. I think that is the key to the break-through.
Lets compare it to loosing weight ... if you had 20 pounds extra it is way easier to get back to the average weight than if you had 100 pounds extra.
So the way to loose those extra pounds is of course longer ... but the success will be the same way!

Instead of comparing units - compare % ... I am sure you will see a lot of correlation! I had a sweet honeymoon followed by a bell curve forming.

It was luck that I saw the reference to TSM on wikipedia about Nal ... otherwise I would be drowning and drowning more each day still ...

4 units today.

yesterday fell asleep after 3 units ...
lets see what happens today.

only 1.5 units today

having no buzz today - but yesterday with 4 units I was feeling clear too.

I did not yet understand what variable changes to have the buzz or not

Hi cravings - haven't peaked at your progress for awhile but very glad to see you are still doing well.

When you are able to contain a non-AF day to 1.5 units, I think it's a huge, huge deal. When we are addicted, it's hard to impossible to stop at just one (or 1 1/2). So that is really great to see.

I don't know about the buzz...mine was noticeably different from the start and never really came back. I no longer notice it's gone. How I felt before when I drank is a foggy, distant memory...

happy4once, thanks for your comment.

I always had non-AF days before TSM. The 1.5 units and stop is more a will-power demonstration than it is something I would say that Nal has done. If it would go according to my body I would have drunken more I guess. But I limited myself on purpose.
Nal is not a magical pill - it is the most powerful pill available and amazing - but I think part of it is also to control the drinking behavior itself. If I can manage to reduce my alcohol levels - why not. The amount of alcohol is not important for the therapy ... as long as I drink 1 unit together with Nal it will work.
My gf suggested that I should stop drinking Whisky and start drinking beer - which is more difficult to dose like I misused whisky. I guess it is worth a thought.

Today 2.5 units.