Holy crap! I should have read on! 3 days! Fantastic!!! I can't wait for those feelings.

Great job!!!!!

Sounds great Bob! Real progress! Happy for you!

Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap!!!

A friend of mine, after a long battle with cancer, was just diagnosed that the cancer has spread to her pancreas and other vital organs. She is terminal and has 2 to 3 weeks to live. Talk about triggers! I am ashamed at this point in talking about my small problems and triggers, when my friend will be dead by month's end. My drinking will not hurt, nor help her. It has no effect on her. Drinking should have no effect on me. Yet, it seems to be something I turn to when I don't want to face reality. But it changes nothing.

Yes, unfortunately I am drinking at the time of this post; Not that much surprisingly. In fact, the first drink was tough to consume after my 3 days AF. I know, even right now, that I won't over-drink tonight. In the past, I couldn't say that and mean it, but Naltrexone has a way of taking that magic escape route away from us and I am very grateful that it does.

Time to be an adult and face the realities of life.

Bob

Ooof. I feel that kick in the stomach. All I can say is this: when my dad died in October, I was inconsolable. And when I ran to alcohol for comfort, the hangovers and the magnified depression that I felt afterwards were excruciating; nearly intolerable. I have never been suicidal, but during those hangovers after my dad died, I can honestly say I knew for the first time why people do kill themselves to erase the pain. The fact is alcohol is a depressant. Drinking away your grief will be a temporary fix and when you are done, you will feel even worse than you understandably would have about your friend's impending death. Do your best to minimize your intake during this miserable time.

All my best,

Nick

Oh Bob, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to her, you and her family.

Monday morning I awake with a clearer head, the emotions of yesterday put in their proper place. The reality of life's situations, although still depressing, has less of an edge. We all know that we will all go through the experience of death; death of friends; death of family; death of our spouse; and eventually our own death. Yes it is traumatic, but it is reality. Drunkenness does not make it unreal or help us cope, it only delays the reality of it from setting in.

Thank you nick, WTE and Christy! Your warm words mean a lot.

Last night I did not get drunk, although I could have and actually had intended to. I had a six-pack in the fridge already and I was going to go out and get another, but I did not. After my Naltrexone, I drank the first beer quickly, the tried to down the second, but couldn't. I put it back in the fridge and waited until I wanted it. After finishing it, I reluctantly got a third. After eventually finishing that one, I went to get a fourth and actually opened it, but I could not drink it. I didn't want it. So, I put it away for the evening. Just 3 units last night, just like a "normal" drinker.

I have been drinking like a non-alcoholic all week and it's a different feeling. Rather than drinking and wanting more and more and more, it has become like any other food or beverage where you want some, you have it, and then you're satisfied with what you just had. TSM is the cure we have been looking for.

Bob

My chart:

Bob,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend and am inspired by the way you are handling it. Cancer sucks and I have seen too much of it.

Please take care,

Virginia

You have said several profound things in just a few words in your most recent posts. It made me think that above all else, alcoholism is simply a coping mechanism for emotions that are too overwhelming for us. We can stave off dealing with the emotions temporarily, but they inevitably come back more fiercely and violently when we are sober. As a result, the cure we run to for cover actually makes the emotions we fear in the first place come back even worse; so our "cure" is only throwing gasoline on an already unmanageable fire. I think that's we call "self-defeating." Yes, it's time for me to grow up and confront my emotions directly like a mature, well-adjusted adult, without the destructive "crutch" of alcohol; a crutch that inevitably ends up hitting me in the head.

And your numbers in face of some huge triggers are incredible! Me thinks it will only be a short time before our poster boy for the benzo group has declared VICTORY. My only worry is that I won't be seeing Eddie Haskell's face around here much longer.

Congratulations.

Bob, that is so wonderful about the units. Gives the benzo bunch a lot of high hope! Sorry about your good friend. I just have no words having lost so many.

Bob, I still cannot get my Excel graph into a jpg. format to post. Tried to upload it to a website server, and the server won't accept Excel files. How'd ya do that!