|
Hi JoeSixPack,
You are asking good questions, because I don't have all the answers and it gives me things to consider.
My drinking did not increase after I started Zoloft 11 months ago. The only thing I did notice after going on Zoloft was that when I drank, the feeling of being buzzed was more of a flat line, that never really peaked into the temporary 'fun high’. I feel my drinking started to shift earlier, in 2014 and 2015, amidst events going on in my life. Though I had situations that could easily lead to anxiety or depression, I am sure that my alcohol consumption compounded my depressive feelings. I resisted the idea of going on an anti-deppresant through most of 2015, but then finally asked my doctor to put me on one last December. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I have told my Doctor that I drink, but not to what extent. My medical system is like going to a drive through, there is no warmth or time for personal connection. Also, as naive as a hope as it might have been, it was pure - I was hoping that going on Zoloft would give me just enough support that I didn't feel the need to turn to alcohol so much to cope. I realize now, after reading Dr. Eskapa's book, that was a wish not based on science.
Thank you for pointing out that reducing my alcohol ‘could' also trigger effects like depersonalization. I have never gone through serious withdrawal before. On a few occasions I have experienced mild shakes, irritability or an abnormal sweating spell - maybe it is different this time.
I also realize how naturally vulnerable it feels for me to begin discussing this ‘here’. I have never discussed my relationship with alcohol this openly with anyone other than my husband. Even my inner circle of best friends, all heavy drinkers, frequently discuss alcohol - but no one really knows how much or how often I have been drinking.
Further, my going through this, as a Mother, is extraordinarily emotional for me personally. I have “mom guilt” aka deep inner shame about my drinking. I have fear about how my drinking l will continue to effect my 3 year old daughter’s life if I do not change, Now. To me, her life is the greatest blessing of mine - so if I continue to drink in the way that I have been drinking, I will self sabotage the most important thing on this Earth to me. I will fail at my most important job. No wonder I feel vulnerable!
My life has changed since happening upon Claudia’s TED Talk. I was ready for change but did not connect with other options. I had never heard of TSM and immediately started researching it. I quickly devoured Dr. Eskapa’s book, and I connected to it in a way that felt like coming home. A safe, rational place. I appreciate the science of this treatment. For me the faith part was FINDING it!!! For me that is how God works in my life.
I apologize for how long winded this became! As physiological as this treatment is, I am obviously working through matters of the head and the heart of this journey as well.
Even if no one reads, this I am grateful to have been inspired to say it to myself.
THANK YOU,
Joy
|