I've been a hard drinker for too long. I didn't drink much until I got out of college and then I started drinking pretty much every night. 25 years later I was still drinking. I can drink a lot and I began to really hate that. I was always the biggest drinker around, even among drinkers. I did dumb regrettable stuff, nothing criminal. No DUI's or anything like that. But things that I woke up and said "I'm sick of this." Of course, later that day I would drink.

Not quite sure how this is possible but I have never craved alcohol in a physical sense. Never "needed" a drink. I dunno, I guess we are all wired a bit differently because I personally know alcoholics that practically scream "I need a drink!" This isn't me. But for sure, I was addicted in a different way. I have strong emotions and feelings that I used alcohol to numb. My mind races. I am not adept at slowing it down. Pouring alcohol on my noodle did slow it down, and I think that's the main reason I drink. I would sell my soul to have a calm mind. Drinking less has helped bring me some mental tranquility.

One thing that has helped is that I no longer have my homepage set to news feeds. Now when my computer opens up my home page is a blank page with just a search box. The horrific news gave me dark thoughts and negativity.

Drinking mostly was associated with excitement and happiness. It made me optimistic. My financial and business life looked better with a few drinks. I had good ideas come to me while drinking. The only nights I refrained from drinking was when I was angry or sad. Drinking didn't appeal to me unless I was happy. Nope, I can't explain that...

I decided to do TSM after serious consideration. I was too apprehensive to quit completely. It seemed like too much. I would like to be a non-drinker in the future although I must admit I have reservations about that. I wish everyone well here and thanks for reading.

Thanks, lessdrinkin. If there's any compulsion to drink, Nal will erase it and you'll be able to choose how often and how much you want to drink. Even events that normally would trigger you will likely cease to do so and you'll decide to handle them differently. For me, beer just doesn't come up on the mental menu much anymore. I've had a six pack sitting in the fridge for over a month now, it doesn't call to me like it used to.

Thanks Joe, your support is much appreciated.