As promised, back to introduce myself a bit more. I had an appointment with my doctor I was rushing off to this morning. I didn't discuss TSM with him. He's a bit old-school, I don't think he'd prescribe naltrexone for me particularly since I've never even hinted at a drinking problem to him before. I did come clean today, when he asked in the course of the regular appointment about my drinking, about the fact that my drinking was close to/starting to exceed generally accepted upper limits and that I was going to work on trying to cut it back.
I definitely have the alcoholic heredity, predisposition. Both grandfathers, my father and my mother all struggled with alcoholism. I was in my 20s when drinking for fun started to become needing one after a tough day and at that time, worried about alcoholism, I decided to stop drinking regularly. I became a special occasion drinker and stayed that way until my 40s. Every once in a while, maybe once a year or two or three, I'd drink too much, get drunk but rarely. Then in my mid 40s, I started drinking more often, Saturday night date nights with my husband, etc. It seems about this age, more of my social interactions started to involve drinking and a weekly pub night became a thing. Mostly it was moderate, 1-2 large glasses of wine in an evening, etc. More often I was starting to drink too much and get drunk or sick.
This last year, things ramped up, I'm now drinking 2-3 times a week, hitting the upper limit of 4 units per session every time. In addition once a week or once every two weeks, I'm drinking more, a full bottle of wine on my own, sometimes 1 1/2, going past the buzz/tipsy into full blown drunk a couple/3 times a month. Those sessions tend to be secret drinking, hiding it from my husband.
I'm fascinated to make the connection after reading the TSM book that this last year of ramped up drinking happened after taking 30 days off all alcohol a year ago. My husband and I decided to do a very strict diet for a month to lose weight, so no booze for me. The alcohol deprivation effect seems to be at play, my lack of control over drinking definitely increased after that period of not drinking. I'm now wondering if the 30 days off actually played a part in worsening the problem.
Anyway, my last night of drinking was last Friday. AF days are easy for me after a night of too much so I'm having too hard a time not drinking right now but the desire is building. Ideally, I'd like to go back to being a special occasion drinker or at most, a one small (not my usually 2 large) glass of wine at the pub once a week or every other week person. I'd rather not have to swear off alcohol completely if I don't have to. I'm still in the place of really enjoying the taste of wine (that's my drink, white wine).
Hubby & I are actually doing another diet right now, so I'm supposed to be alcohol free for the next 10 days still (last Friday was secret drinking, my husband thinks I haven't been drinking anything for last couple of weeks). I can do that, 10 more days. Hopefully my naltrexone will be here by then and I can start the extinction process. I'm hoping to jump into it with moderate drinking only, using the mindful drinking techniques and avoiding any more over-drinking episodes with the naltrexone.
That's my story. My plan. Comments, ideas, support from anyone would be most welcome.
