Barry, sounds like your life has changed exponentially for the better!! And I would bet that you would agree that getting control over the AL was the start of all those positive changes. Enjoy your new locale and new job and even your "bachelor" time before the family joins you. A little time to yourself can be a wonderful thing, especially for a spouse/parent.

And thanks for coming back to fill us in!! Hugs from Newlife

Congratz on the new job and new location!

Just by way of journaling (I often go back and reread my posts over the years)...my life has definitely taken a turn for the worse. I've been pretty self-destructive lately (past few months) both with drinking and with just generally NOT doing what I need to do. I'm weak, probably way lower in testosterone, and my memory and cognition sucks (e.g. just this morning, I couldn't remember what kind of car I drive, even though I've had the same make and model for 15 years). I was back to drinking before I went back to night shift February 1st, but since 2/1/16, I've just been bingeing every day off (4X a week) and just generally not caring. Typically, I'll have three vodka minis between 2:00-4:00 which starts me on a path of drinking until about 8:00-9:00, total of 6-10 drinks. Totally disconnected from the family for the most part and doing things I wouldn't normally do, like jumping on my bike and taking bike rides around town at 9:30 at night.

I'd say my marriage "sucks" right now. My wife said she doesn't want to be "married to an atheist" (she calls me an atheist, I don't call myself that). If it weren't for the children, I'd be long gone -- basically, the way I see it, as long as I think and say everything she thinks and says, and follow her long list of to-dos, and only get into things she approves of, I can have a mediocre to sad sex life for the rest of my life! What a deal! Ugh. To make matters worse, we're closing on a $$$ fixer upper in two weeks. My youngest will be gone in five years, and I'm pretty determined to stay together for that long, after which I'll probably just "buy her out" and have her move out of this house. It's large and will require maintenance galore and, since there's almost zero chance my wife will remarry, she's not going to need a house that big. She will likely just end up alone in a little apartment, rarely getting visits from the kids (who will all want to stay with me because they're all closer to me), but she will have somehow "stuck to her convictions" (of course, divorcing someone for lack of faith is about as un-Christian as you get, but she's really not much of one to begin with).

Our "mirror couple," friends from college, who got engaged at the same time, married at the same time, and had kids all at the same time, are getting a divorce after 23 years and that has shook me up a bit. Ironically, it's because he's "TOO religious" for her, always "putting God over his kids" or some **** like that. His wife says that he puts God first, himself second, and the family third, so she's divorcing him. I put my wife and kids first, myself second, and God last, so she wants to divorce me. It's retarded and shows why atheist couples have lower divorce rates than Christian couples -- not so much baggage.

Anyway, drinking only makes things worse, I know. With or without Naltrexone, I need to get out of this terrible slump and put some distance between drinking days. Reading back over my 1 year sober victory post, I find a lot of inspiration. I know that the body and brain "heals" over time after stopping drinking -- I experienced this very profoundly. I know that life's much better overall without alcohol -- I also experienced this. I know relationships are better, etc...

Thanks for listening.

Sorry you're going through a bad patch, Barry! Do you think you'll get back on TSM soon?

Another way of going about it would be to detox, then reintroduce drinking with Nal.

Did you see Linda Burlison's book?

http://www.amazon.com/A-Prescription-Al ... B01A1E8YKW

Goes over the various medications available. If Nal doesn't ring your chimes, there are other meds out there. I think committing to cutting back the drink would make life easier for you overall, it would be well worth the effort.

I don't need to detox. I already go three nights a week without alcohol because of work. I haven't drank anything today (it's bedtime where I live) and I feel amazingly good -- instant detox. My plan is to just not drink, drawing on my past successful experiences and inner strength. If I fail to remain abstinent, I will return to TSM.

Glad to hear more AF days are sounding good to you, drink famously makes tensions at home that much worse.

" If I fail to remain abstinent, I will return to TSM."

Have you set a time limit on that?

Barry - such a sad story - reading your post, you can FEEL the weight that you have on your shoulders - you sound so sad! Without going back and reading your previous posts I am just going to jump in and ask 'Are you taking Nal an hour before you drink?'. Did the Nal work for you before? Why are you not taking Nal if you aren't? PLEASE start taking it again per TSM if you aren't - and sorry if I am assuming that - I do not have much time right now but wanted to post ....

HUGS, Maggie x

Well this has been a most depressing thread. Anyways, on a positive note, since you're drinking again Barry you should actually do TSM; take the Naltrexone, let it get into your system, then drink. Do that until you're cured. This way you won't be a pathetic victim of alcohol, but rather it's master. Then you can become master of your universe again and get all of those wonderful feelings that sobriety offers that you journaled about in this very thread. Good luck.

Barry - what a sad ending!

I began reading your thread and felt so uplifted listening to your journey and how happy and fulfilled your life seemed without alcohol. Up until you moved house and jobs it sounded as if your marriage was happy and good too - you mentioned a great sex life and how lucky you were to sleep next to a beautiful woman every night.

What changed? Is it something to do with the move? You mentioned that the area you lived in previously was very 'church' led whilst where you are seems to be more about bars and socialising. Is there not something that you and your wife could do to compromise? It would be such a shame to lose the love and happiness that you have shared together for 23 years. I presume you must have attended church with her when you lived in your previous home. Is that not something you would consider doing with her where you live now - just to keep things on an even keel? Anyway - just a thought.

Religion is a complicated thing and can cause turmoil in relationships. I myself was brought up Church of England, my husband (second marriage) is a Christadelphian (I had never heard of this religion before I met him!!) Because we both don't feel comfortable attending each others 'churches' we made a conscious decision to step out of our religions - we both keep in touch with friends from those churches but don't attend any services. Also, it seems to me that there are quite a lot of double standards in some churches (like you mention with divorce). My husband's first wife is a 'devout' Christian apparently - yet the reason why their marriage collapsed was because she had three affairs with different men (and one from her church) in as many years!

Barry I am sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I hope they get better. Newlife