You people have no idea how much these posts meant to me in the last couple of days. Thank you.

This is a HUGE issue in my marriage. My husband blames everything on my drinking -- it's such a convenient scapegoat for him to avoid responsibility of his own misdeeds and problems. We were attending marriage counseling, but I told him I'm not going anymore b/c every single marital issue is my fault -- or my drinking's fault, rather. The counselor even said to him, well if she stopped drinking, what would you blame things on then?

I agree that my drinking IS a problem in our relationship. I lose my inhibitions and my anger comes out -- probably because I'm afraid to express it when I'm sober. It's not good. But when I am completely sober and not in agreement with him on one thing or another, it's still my fault. Can't win! I married a control freak, though, so I guess I got what I paid for.

You are not alone. I'm sure many of us out there are experiencing the same thing.

<hugs>

I was there. When my drinking was a problem in a relationship but I am not there now. Separated for the past 3 years. We separated for a few reasons but I know that was one of them. He a workaholic, ( much more acceptable) and me the drinkaholic. I was always bingy tho so he didn't know what to think but he hated my hangovers and so did I. I think things may have been a little different if I had been on TSM then but there were alot of other issues as well. Good topic and worth exploring for sure.

I'm so sorry to hear this. How will you feel when he's gone? I know I had a close relative I didn't get along with, but when he passed on I was totally devastated. How i wish I had minimized my negative reactions to him and just let him know he was cared for and accepted - in SPITE of being a total ass. We all need that sometimes. . .

Not knowing anything about what a jerk your dad was and how he treated you, I can say this on the subject: when you are sober you should revisit this issue. Not for his sake, but for your own. It's kind of like someone who has a family member murdered and they go and meet the perpetrator in prison. When they learn to forgive the perpetrator, they tend to achieve an inner peace that they didn't have before when they were clinging to their hatred and resentment. The same is probably true for your dad. If you could somehow make amends again and offer forgiveness (even though I'm sure it's not deserved), you may find yourself feeling a lot better about things after he dies. I'm not saying this is necessarily the answer, just something worth re-visiting when you are no longer under the influence. Personally, I like to be absolutely clear-headed when I'm making major life decisions. Your dad's legacy in your heart is a major life decision that you should reconsider when you are entirely clear headed.

I had the opposite situation with my dad. Loved him completely and unconditionally and told him so routinely before he had a stroke and before he died. He knew how much I loved him when he died, no doubt about it. I get comfort from that fact now that he's gone. I'm sorry you never had that with your dad. You grew up a compassionate, sensitive person anyway so he did something right. Even if the only thing he did right was marry your mom.

Oh, darn, I wrote a heartfelt reply, and lost it, and now it's time for dinner.

It was about my loving mother, and my AL "daddy" I shall try to recoup but perhaps it was not to be shared now.