Jaba, and Maggie,
Thanks for both of those posts. To be completely honest, I do NOT think it is anxiety related. In the last 3-4 months or so, my anxiety has been at an all time low. I was someone who used to have absolutely terrible anxiety, too. Whether it be social, or personal, it would make me feel out of control. There were times when I was attending UK, before these symptoms started popping up, where teachers would call on me, and I would freeze, and leave the classroom, without saying anything; this once happened in a class of 400 people, and I literally blacked out, while I was walking out. I remember grabbing my bag, and then I just remember taking a huge breath and crashing into the ground, once I left the building. ****. Used. To. Be. Rough for me.
I'm not a bad looking guy, but I had a ton of childhood issues, that kept me from being confident, including being thrown into a boarding school against my will when i was 17, where if any of the guys talked to the girls, we would be physically restrained--I know that sounds extreme, but it's the truth. The school was eventually shut down, because 'life coaches' were caught abusing kids on camera
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1970458Needless to say, that was an f-ed up experience, that left me with less confidence, and more anxiety. It's after that, and after I immediately went to an unsupervised art college, 2 weeks after graduating from that hell hole, that my drinking started to become more prevalent.
Fast forward a couple of years. When I met my current girlfriend, I was not on Nal. I was getting hammered every night, drinking **** tons of vodka, inviting all types of girls over, but only when I was drunk, or doing random drugs, like L or K, with my shady roommate, at the time, who I later found out was on H. I had no confidence, and was just trying to be some cool wookie that got f-ed up all of the time, that the girls with no direction in life would want to sleep with. The circumstance that led me to meet my girlfriend, was that I was sitting on my porch, barely able to talk because I was on K, and had been drinking, and she walked by with a bassnectar shirt on, who I am a huge fan of. I asked her to come over to say hi to us, and asked her about her shirt, and then found out she was my next door neighbor, lol. We hit it off, and hung out every day after that, but when I was sober, I was awkward, leading me to get wasted as much as possible. I eventually hit a bottom, where I was having withdrawal from booze, and told her I needed to talk to my Psych about getting help. He had talked about Nal in the past, just enthusiastically, with being on the forefront of a new treatment; he never implied I needed it...because I never implied I had an alcohol problem.
Thus, began a long road of physical and psychological recovery. Today, I see no point in being anxious. People can **** off, if they want to make someone feel uncomfortable, and most of the time, that's not the case, and we, as people, or me, in my case, are just overly sensitive to others at times. I attribute my recent boost in confidence, and social wellness, entirely to the wellbutrin, which was only a recent transition.
So, super long, rant-story, short, I don't think this is anxiety related, as my symptoms have been around for 2-3 years now, maybe longer. I just wonder if I did some real damage to my body, when I was drinking so heavy, and also not eating well, or drinking water enough. I just want an answer, so I don't have to worry, the little I do now, that my heart might explode...
As far as the benzos, they can make the of the symptoms go away, sometimes, but not always, and not most of the time. And as far as continuing to take them, I am totally open to stopping. I will look into those OTC meds, and absolutely give them a shot. When I very first started taking it, I was realllly hesitant. So much so that the first time my Dr recommended it, I said I was good. But we eventually agreed on the lowest dose possible, and not taking it regularly; I did not want to risk dependency. So, I won't rant about this a bunch, but I appreciate those suggestions, and will look into those the next time I am at the grocery store, and will refrain from Xan until then.
Thanks again fellows!