meginaustin wrote:
Ocean wrote:
The ONLY problem I had with drinking was that if I had one drink my brain would cause me to feel sick, nervous, panicked, and a general feeling of dire trouble unless I followed that with another drink till oblivion. So it was not only the 'good' feeling of the endorphin chase but the 'cure' for the impending doom.
This. This is one of the best descriptions of binging I've ever read. That desperation to get more isn't just about chasing the high; it's being driven by a deep feeling that if you don't drink more you'll be plunged into an abyss that's too unbearable to handle. I even learned that a safer way to manage my binges was, paradoxically, to keep alcohol in my apartment. That way I could feel comfortable ending an evening and going home, knowing that I'd still be able to drink. Otherwise, I just wouldn't go home.
I'd say in the last 20 years or so of my life I have very rarely been without a supply of alcohol in my house for this very reason. I had lots of hiding places too, just in case. In fact I had so many that if I ran out (very rare) then if I looked hard enough I could probably find one of my old stashes that I had long forgotten about LOL been there done that. But yes without a doubt having a stash back at home was absolutely paramount so that when I got home I could top off before going to bed. I also had a string of convenient stores located on route from my work place and the bars I'd hangout and so on to my home that I could stop off at in a pinch to pick up some cheap beer for when I got home.
Since I started TSM, and I mean AS SOON as I started TSM, that simply went all away. I drive right by those convenient stores and have not hidden a bottle not even once. I simply no longer have the desire too because if I follow the golden rule and have a drink there is no panic, no concern, no dire consequences if I don't follow it up with another one. I Still drink, I had 3 drinks last night, but if someone said, 'hey we are out of booze' I'd just think oh well, and carry on.
You can get there too in time.
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