Hi all,

It has been so inspiring to learn about the Sinclair Method and feel some semblance of hope, which is something I haven't felt about my alcoholism in a very long time! I officially started TSM in December, and while things haven't been perfect, I can definitely notice the difference sometimes. Before, if I had that first glass I'd have no "choice" but to end up ten drinks deep, and now one glass has a much higher likelihood of remaining one glass.

However, there have been enough slip-ups and regretful moments to make me feel a little bit anxious about the process. I understand how early it is for me, and I also know how touch-and-go the holidays are when it comes to drinking, but that doesn't decrease the shame about those slip-ups. My problem with alcohol is that I'm a binge drinker, not that I'm a frequent drinker. I can go for weeks without having a drink, but the second I have one, my body has committed itself to a night that ends at 5am with total obliteration. I work in an industry where drinking is the norm (we have "Beer Fridays" at work and do team happy hours all the time) and I have a fair amount of social anxiety while, at the time time, really enjoying being around people. So I always say "yes" to those happy hours and parties and somehow every time, my addict-brain tricks me into believing I can have just one or two drinks like everybody else.

So on that note, there have been three instances since I've started TSM when I've woken up the next day and felt completely embarrassed about my behavior the night before. One of those times was yesterday on, of course, New Year's Day. I had arrived home from a perfect, low-key, wonderful evening out with my best friends, during which we rang in the new year over a perfectly reasonable amount of champagne. I had stayed sober-ish throughout the evening, only teetering on tipsy, which for me is hugely unusual. I told my friends about TSM and they were impressed and thrilled for me. Then they dropped me off at my house at around 1am, and I easily could have gone to bed and considered it a successful and memorable evening. But old habits die hard, and I didn't want to go to bed half-drunk, depressed, and lonely; I wanted to be around people. So I ended up texting some friends until I found myself at another party, taking shots until 5am.

Now I feel the way I always feel after something like that happens: ashamed, embarrassed, and incapable of being an adult.

I know I'm in the early stages and I've seen enough glimmers of hope to be able to believe that TSM will make a difference for me. It's a little scary, though, to go out on this limb before seeing the kind of results I need.

Anyway, onward! Here's to the beginning of a very powerful journey.

Welcome Meg,

There are a few bingers on this forum, so you will be right at home. I am not a binger, but I never knew what "when" was...well, not until TSM (my binges were daily).


Please remember that is the nature of the beast. We try to have a guilt free zone here, so please do not be so hard on yourself. Chalk it up to lesson learn, and move on. People who know and love you will forgive you, but you need to be able to forgive yourself.

TSM has been amazing for all of us here, and you will have the same results as long as you are compliant, but it will take time.

I am happy that you are here, and excited to see your progress,

Jaba

Meg - please do not feel worried - as you said, it is very early days yet - I hate to say it but it has taken me a year but I am there finally - it takes varying amounts of time for TSM to work it's magic but I know you will get there - just hang in there and follow the Golden rule. You might want to take a booster dose though if you are drinking for a length of time - I am not sure how long but maybe someone else can chime in here.....and as a frequent drinker rather than a binge drinker I cannot say anything about that either - again, maybe someone else can chime in.

hugs, Maggie

Good point about the booster, maggie, for I did forget about that.

Meg,

If you are drinking past 12 hours (I think) since you have taken your nal a booster may help. I will try to find where Dr. Eskapa posted it.

Jaba

I found it and here is a response from Dr. Roy Eskapa on the booster:

Dr Sinclair suggested that in cases of 'all day drinkers' probably they should take naltrexone 1 hour before the first drink of the day - say at 8 am then start the session at 9 am and if they find themselves drinking at say 8 pm take another 50 mg tablet naltrexone.

But, I want to warn you that it may cause an adverse reaction (I am unsure if it will or will not). Barry4 would drink and then take the nal to have that adverse reaction and that is how he became AL free. His experiences are posted somewhere on this board.

The booster is something that has been kicked around on the forum a couple of times, and JoAnna from the C-3 forum even posted on here saying that it was not necessary (per an email from Dr. Roy), so I would wait on doing that booster until you have completed a few months on TSM, or speak to your doctor about it.

You are still very early in this process and your brain needs to adjust to nal and how different alcohol is to your brain.

Thank you so much for the responses! It's so helpful to have some support, and I'll definitely look into taking a booster the next time I'm drinking for a longer stretch.

I had another rough Friday night that started with a typical happy hour with coworkers, and ended with me finishing the night at 4:30am after a number of beers I can't count. I also drunk-dialed my ex boyfriend for the first time ever. He didn't answer, of course, but calling your ex at 4:30 in the morning will always be humiliating. He was on my mind because I ran into him at happy hour (kind of), which is what started the binging spiral when I was actually on the verge of going home after a beer and having a relaxing evening. Instead, seeing him made me feel lonely, so I continued to drink for as long as I'd have company. Thanks to a couple of friends who more likely than not also have drinking problems, that happened to be late. When they left, the loneliness came back. I slept all day yesterday, partially due to the hangover and partially because I get very depressed about my drinking the day after.

To be honest, that sense of depression hasn't gone away today. I'm trying really hard not to get down on myself, but the things that manifest themselves when I drink are hard for me to handle. I'm never a "mean drunk," nor do I get belligerent, but I develop a desperate need to be around people that's almost as deep of a craving as my alcohol craving. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, it frightens me that apparently I find the alternative - being alone - so terrifying that I'll talk to anyone who's awake, regardless of consequences. Everything that becomes exaggerated when I drink highlights that I'm not quite content with my life, and I don't really know what to make of that. I do know I'd be a lot more satisfied with it if I didn't have a drinking problem.

Anyway, onto some more TSM-related stuff: I can definitely feel the difference when I drink. It takes me a lot longer to feel drunk, and I think that's probably because before when I drank, the initial high would have such an impact on my emotional state that I'd start to feel drunk immediately. I like the sense of mindfulness I can have now with the first couple drinks, because I'm more fully aware of what it's doing to my body and brain without having the high to distract me. I think it's still way, way too habitual for me to keep drinking all night instead of stopping at a reasonable amount, and I'm really looking forward to that moment when I can have a couple drinks and decide I'm done for the night. If I have a single drink these days, I can decide I'm done, and that in and of itself is so unusual for me that it feels like a superpower.

I know it takes time, and I'm going to keep being faithful to this method for as long as I have to be to see results. I just can't help wishing it would happen sooner rather than later. Now, the lows after a bad night are even lower because I want so badly for this to work. But I'll keep pressing on, and reading your stories, which are so helpful.

Meg -

I IS working and you're getting some exposure to a powerful driving force in your drinking. You're aware of it and that's a plus. Just keep on sticking with it and follow the Golden Rule, you'll get there.

Are you working with a TSM doc?

Thank you! I do think that getting some exposure to the stuff that makes me drink is propelling some fierce psychological work that's difficult to handle, but ultimately (I hope) will be rewarding. When my addiction was out of control, it was easy for me to blame the binging on the addiction and not on other factors. As I get closer to extinguishing the addiction, I'll have no choice but to face the fact that there ARE some environmental and emotional issues that make me drink, too. I really think a lot of it will revolve around this need for companionship and the belief that I won't have the energy or stamina to hang out with people unless I'm drunk. I definitely have some codependent tendencies, and it feels like a lot to acknowledge and try to work on when the drinking is already such a pressing issue. I really have to have faith that TSM is going to help me address my drinking once and for all so I'll have a fighting shot of working on the other stuff.

I'm not working with a TSM doctor, but I wish I were. I can't find anybody in my neck of the woods. Do you know if there are any remote counseling options?

Meg -

Your words speak of commitment and vision. I'm proud of you! The payoff for your hard work and determination is going to be huge. The other factors are still going to be there for you to address, but the Alcohol Use Disorder is mainly due to biophysical factors and that's what you're addressing with the Nal. My guess is that when the AUD is vanquished via Pharmacological Extinction per TSM, you're going to have a lot easier time of dealing with the other issues. Some of them may just fade away and become unimportant, but that's just a guess.

I've certainly heard of remote counseling, tele-psychiatry and the like. I'll see what I can find and shoot it to you in a Private Message here on the board.

Thanks so much!

No Problemo! Good luck and let us know how it turns out!