Week 2

Going well. Still reduced drinking. No more side effects. Getting into more of a routine...

My body is definitely getting used to the medication. No more SEs. But a couple of nights this week, it almost feels like I hadn't taken the .5mg of nal. The first week's reaction of very little interest in drinking has dissipated a bit. In fact, one night this week, I was feeling pretty "drinky" and greedily downed 5 units in a night at home.

I put some nal in my car and backpack as some have recommended so as to not be left without it accidentally. Also been taking it on a bit of food each time which has helped. Still haven't told anyone but my wife, and wondering when the right time will be to inform a few close friends of this experiment.

Past 7 days have been:
4, 3, 0, 5, 6, 3, 5 (26 drinks total)

I've been charting my progress each day, and find that helps. I also track other things like mood, hangover, and what I was doing that day.

Not bad and definitely the lowest weekly consumption in years (not counting an abstinent 10-day silent meditation retreat.) Feeling good and getting a lot done. I definitely think the first week was my honeymoon period. A couple of days this past wk with 5 and 6 drinks in a night felt a little rush, and wondering if I was a bit overly optimistic and if that pattern will seep back into my life. We'll see.

Still feel a bit foggy during the mornings regardless if I drank the night before. Came home early again on a night out with the guys. Said no to a few drinks here and there. Skipped a poker night. Cravings definitely down. I'm also struggling with how to fill my time. I'm thinking more exercise if I can muster some willpower.


Curious: I haven't heard of many folks on this forum talk about combining TSM with going to meetings or other group therapy. I want to change my relationship with alcohol, but AA and SmartRecovery meetings seem a little intimidating and almost unnecessary? Does anyone here do meetings? I still have my weekly therapist (she recommended I try at least 2 meetings), but I'm finding I want to refocus that time away from drinking problems and into focusing on other aspects of my life.

Sounds good Wolf. As for sharing, it's obviously a personal thing but for me only my wife and my mother know that I am doing TSM. I would probably only share it with a friend who confided in me needs help or with someone I think could benefit like my father. Otherwise it's not like AA where we have to admit our guilt and shame before everyone in order to get better... But that's just me.

Wolfie, thought I might briefly chime in. Before coming to this I went to daily AA meetings. Once I began this experiment I never wanted to go to a meeting again. I did a couple times, but found the experience unsettling. Namely, the fear based message that life would completely fall apart if consuming alcohol. Because well, it hasn't thanks to Naltrexone. I'm also not necessarily shooting for abstinence here thus I'm no longer fighting the good fight for sobriety. Also, after 15 months of surrounding myself with the disease based model and its narrow thinking I'm glad to separate myself from it. Bear in mind though at present there is no longer an internal struggle going on with me.

Instead I do see an addiction councilor weekly. Further, I've involved myself with a mindfulness meditation group weekly. I feel I allowed AA to completely consume my life because until TSM I saw no other way. Now I'm trying to build a more wholesome life for myself. I guess what I'm getting at is I don't see AA as something you can just have a foot in the door kind of experience. And they certainly don't want to hear about TSM and whether intentional or not will sabotage it.

I have considered attending a SMART recovery meeting. I researched it some one weekend. I was rather turned off that they don't allow labels such as an 'alcoholic'. Therein I don't want to sit around listening to someone try to control their drinking, counting drinks or beer and wine only... I mean I did that kind of stuff for years denying my condition. In my mind alcoholism is a very black and white issue. You either are or you're not. You go to AA or thankfully now you utilize TSM. It's a very real, scientifically backed condition. Maybe I'll still try it in the effort to keep an open mind.

[quote="wolfie"Curious: I haven't heard of many folks on this forum talk about combining TSM with going to meetings or other group therapy. I want to change my relationship with alcohol, but AA and SmartRecovery meetings seem a little intimidating and almost unnecessary? Does anyone here do meetings? I still have my weekly therapist (she recommended I try at least 2 meetings), but I'm finding I want to refocus that time away from drinking problems and into focusing on other aspects of my life.[/quote]

Hi Wolfie,

I've been doing TSM on my won since the end of September. Initially I was going to go to a clinic in St. Paul, MN (Alltyr) that focuses on scientifically proven addiction treatment methods COMBINED with therapy to address underlying causes, consequences of, etc... I backed out of my first appointment for fear that it would somehow show up on my medical record. I'm not ready to have the label AUD assigned to me.

Anyway, after 3 months of TSM, I realize that I DO need to do some therapy along with TSM. I have an appointment next week with Dr. Mark Willenbring and one of the therapists at Alltyr. I received an email survey regarding interest in a support group. If they can put one together, I certainly will attend whenever I can! I'm sure Alltyr uses other methods and medications besides Naltrexone, so I don't think it will be a TSM exclusive support group, but it WILL be one that doesn't necessarily subscribe to the "12 Step" mantra. If it works out or me to attend, I'll keep you posted!

MinneMom

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Wolfie - welcome to the forum and TSM. Sounds like you are off to a great start. I have only shared the fact that I am on NAL with my wife. Not sure if I am ready to announce to the world that I am trying to get control of my drinking. Although most people who know me would say that I needed to. The few that don't want me to get control are my drinking buddies

I have always been an outgoing person and very social but kept my personal business to myself so I have never really gone to any type of support group except for AA - once court ordered and once wife ordered. So this on line forum is perfect for me. Anonymous yet personal and with people who have experienced a lot of what I have gone through. I would be interested to hear what you find out there to meet your needs.

Don't sweat having a little rebound in drinking after such a great start. NAL definitely had an effect on you right away but it is not a miracle drug. So you do have to try to fill your time so you don't just drink out of habit. And you have to find a few alternative beverages for your house and when you go out. It is amazing how many times I have gone out and not drank and no one ever noticed (except for the hard core drinking buddies who are looking for me to buy shots). So just fine a non-AL drink that you enjoy and stick with it when you are out socializing.

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Week 3

Thanks for everyone's comments and thoughts. Very nice to have some feedback and have people listening...

Things have been going pretty well.

Units went like this:
0, 4, 5, 2, 5, 5, 0, 3

Taking Naltrexone definitely changes my behavior. After drinking pretty heavily for so many years, it's pretty obvious what a "normal amount" for me would have been on random nights. Date nights, going out with buddies, chilling at home, attending big social gatherings. My consumption is down across the board by about a third to a half. In other words, the nights this past week I had 5 drinks, I'm pretty sure I would have consumed 8-10 typically.

It really changes my cravings. I'm ok with not drinking so much. I feel like I reach for wine out of habit vs. out of longing to quickly pour that sweet-sweet liquid down my gullet... and then get another glass right away. I still really enjoy the taste.

A few times, I've definitely felt "drinky" and felt really tipsy after 4-5 drinks. Nal makes me feel drunk faster and that feeling makes me want to stop. This is how I imagine normal drinking is to regular folks. Before, I could never understand how/why people slowed down or stopped drinking as the night progressed. I never "got" why people say they've had enough and turn down a refill. Now I think I'm starting to see how that feels. But it's elusive, and often fights with the habitual devil on one should telling me to refill.

My hangovers seems worse. Before TSM 5 drinks (one full bottle of white wine) would have been close to zero hangover. Now, 5 drinks is a 3-4 on a scale of 1-10 (I'm tracking hangovers as well as unit consumption.) This is fine, and I say bring them on. 5 drinks is too many and hopefully my brain will continue to connect that gross feeling to drinking and eventually lower my consumption even more.

My sleep is FAR better. In the past few years my sleep patterns have been progressively worse. Often, I would snap awake at 3:00 or 4:00AM for no reason. Feeling panicky or nervous. My heart would race in the night. Lots of times, getting up at 5-6AM and then desperately try and fall back asleep on the downstairs couch for an extra hour or two in the mornings. Now, just in the past 3 weeks, I've been sleeping great. I fall asleep faster. (I think nal makes me sleepy in the evenings.) I stay asleep and rarely snap awake in the middle of the night. A lot of what I've read says that alcohol withdrawal can be very short-term, and waking up in the morning is the body needing more alcohol. I was actually pretty hooked on Ambien a few years back and took it 4-5 times a week for a spell. I stopped a while back but falling asleep now is so much easier than before TSM. Woohoo!

I'd like to string together a few more AF days. We'll see...

Zero drinks is actually way easier than 2. Not taking the pill by 7pm or so makes me say "meh, I didn't take the pill, but would like a glass of wine now, so screw it... I just wont bother pouring that glass of wine b/c I don't feel like waiting the hour." I can't express enough just how much I like not waking up with a bad hangover.

Still haven't decided if I should try to go to a Smart Recovery meeting, but the more I read about AA, the more I am convinced their methods are not for me. Seems so sad how much people struggle and relapse time and time again, never hearing about this method. While I am very early in this process, I consider myself lucky that I didn't struggle for years before trying TSM. It seems to be helping, but I am prepared for the roller coaster most seem to go through over the first several months.

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Week 4

Weekly drinks:
3, 2, 3, 6, 0, 0, 1

Pretty good week!

This was the week of Christmas, which meant family, parties, and travel to NC. Cravings are definitely down. I'm finding I'm slowly changing how I feel about the need/habit to drink each day. 2 days of not drinking felt fine. Didn't bother taking the pill and didn't miss it. Felt normal, but 2 days of not drinking in a row certainly isn't normal for me.

"Nodict" may not work?
So, before I got my prescription from my doc, I had ordered some pills online from River Pharmacy. They were called Nodict, and the person on the phone said the only difference is they have a coating for easier swallowing. I've been taking the normal Nal from my doc all this time, but down in NC, I grabbed a Nodict which was in my dop kit. Waited an hour like always, and had an evening. My wife and I ended up staying up after everyone went to bed watching Making of a Murderer on Netflix (amazing documentary!)... and I proceded to drink a whole bottle of white wine on top of the couple of beers I had already had. Very strange, and it felt like I couldn't get enough. At one point, I was thinking, "Uh Oh, this feels like the Old Me. I might need a little help over here!" I felt really drinky, almost like the rush was back and I could have easily kept pounding. Bad hangover the next day. I'm wondering if this Nodict brand is crap? I found some other posts on this forum about it. Wondering if anyone has found the same? I'm gonna dump the pills, and my wife doesn't like me taking something from India in a shady package.

One other thought... I see this as an experiment. It's all based on neurology and how our brains associate behaviors with chemical feelings in our bodies. We know that neurons that fire together wire together. So we've learned a ton in recent years about how malleable the brain is. And we can do things to let the "good in" and de-wire negative behaviors. So taking medication to block that rush us drunks feel makes perfect sense. Eventually our brain stops associating that super-ginormous-warm feeling we get from drinking. So we reduce cravings eventually (hopefully) becoming indifferent to being offered a drink.

So how can we add a jet pack to this process? By really truly focusing on those feelings when we drink. We can pour our attention into the buzz (or lack of buzz) after that first glass of wine. How does our body feel? Our chest, hands and breathing? Where are our thoughts going as we drink? What mood is present? I've been experimenting with really trying to internalize thoughts, bodily feelings and cravings that come and go. If we just drink mindlessly as normal, I feel we are not getting nearly the full effect of this medication-- which is meant to disassociate the behavior from that feeling. Using focus and attention will help fire all those neurons together that we want, possibly exponentially more! So I encourage everyone to attempt to take a few minutes with each drinking session on Nal and try and concentrate on how your body is feeling as you drink. It seems like it's helping the Nal do its job a bit better.

Otherwise all is well. Today is day 2 of week 5. (I've been playing catch up on these updates which is why they are paced a little faster that real time.) New Years eve was last night, and not technically in this week's update, but I only had 4 drinks which must be some kinda NYE record for me.

My therapist challenged me to try 90 days at 14 or fewer drinks per week. We'll see. She also wants me to attend a couple meetings just to see what they're like. Frankly, the more I read about what happens in these meetings, the more I want to go just to promote TSM and hand our Nal like its Halloween candy.

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