Well just remember to check on with all of us during thus time... I think it will help! I'll probably be drinking less as my husband watches me like a hawk and never misses am opportunity to let me know how I/TSM is failing...

TSM is NOT GOING TO FAIL and YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FAIL! Do not let him project onto you! You have this and TSM is going to work there is no failure!

It just takes time. Your brain on nal is all that matters. Compliance is all that matters. With time and compliance you will have the control that you want. It will be a subtle and gradual process, but it is there.

I did not start to feel a difference until 16 weeks in and I had to force that feeling, for I did not respond like Ocean did. I had to give myself a limit and push back the time I took my pill and push back the time that I drank (waiting longer than 1 hour). I had to make my brain realize that I didn't need that drink and I had control not the alcohol. BUT it took time. If my husband was treating me like a child and watching my every move, I would not have the control I have today, for it has to be about me and on my time...not his. This is my addiction and he cannot understand my addiction. He has to let me heal in my own way and time.

Remember that this is a mind thing, and attitude and spirit is everything. Do not let your husband brake your spirit, and tell yourself that this is going to work (for it is).

Jaba

(sorry for the rant but that just really upset me)

I agree totally with Jaba, it is not going to fail!!
My husband and I drank together. He was going to do TSM with me but when he first tried it, he didn't like the side effects. Then, when they subsided, he did not like the way he felt while drinking. Basically, he does not want to give up the buzz, and wasn't getting it while taking NAL. He wants desperately to stop drinking for good and keeps trying to quit, but, of course, cannot do it on his own for long. His health has also been affected. Numbness in extremities and fatty liver.
So, now he watches me and says things like, "Oh, you're drinking again, I thought we weren't going to have any tonite."
This morning I took the dog for a walk and when I came back he asked if I had taken a pill because it looked as though I had been drinking. I had not been.
He will also say that he doesn't see much change in me and he wonders whether it is working.
So, what I do is remind him that I am doing TSM on my own here, and that we are no longer doing the drinking/not drinking dance together. He refused to read the book (said he is too busy) so I remind him that he really doesn't know what he is talking about and that I would appreciate him leaving me alone.
I'm not sure this helps you at all, but you are not alone with having a watchful husband! This has to work for me so he will finally do it for himself before he does real damage to his liver. He needs to abstain for good, but that is not my goal. My goal is to drink like a normal person.
Sorry for the rant,
Susie

I love what both Jaba and Susie said Minniemom! They both talked so much sense!

HUGS to you, Maggie x

stay the course, all of you! it takes some time but is worth it. you already know your attitude toward drinking has changed, and that's a HUGE part of the battle. Nal on!

Stay on the course, my husband doesn't know what I am doing but he does know that I on some medication. He also knows that my daughter is supporting me. I am doing this alone, except for everyone here. Don't let a man bring you down. Listen to me talk but we need to support each other.

Thanks so much Meggie, Susie, Maggie, Zontar and Jaba.... I really do appreciate your kind words and concern. I've kind of been in hiding the past week, trying to figure some stuff out. My husband's attitude towards me when I really am trying is so hurtful. However, I can't change it or him... all I can do is focus on ME and getting myself to the place where I want to be.

To that end, I have decided to go to the clinic I had talked about when I originally started TSM. I "chickened" out of going there initially because I was worried about all of this appearing on my medical records. It's a private pay clinic, so there for sure won't be an insurance trail.... I realize that's it's not enough for me to just curb my drinking. I need to address some of the underlying issues of my drinking AND some of the consequences of it! Namely, when I have those binges and lash out at my husband. I realize that some of that actually DOES stem from frustration with him, but the vast majority of the wrath I bestow upon him,I believe, is a lot of other crap coming out from my years of repeated sexual abuse, sense of abandonment by my parents in the revelation of said abuse and a whole host of crazy family dynamics that have ensued since those times.

I have an appointment at Alltyr Clinic in St. Paul next week with Dr. Mark Willenbring and one of the therapists. My husband knows I'm going and says he "supports" me. Well, he was supposed to be "supporting" me thus far, but really hasn't, so I don't even know what it means to have his "support." I just need to do this for me....

And then.... as all of this is happening, something funny happened to me Monday night. Hubby was travelling... I usually use that as an excuse to drink because he's not there "babysitting" me. I didn't have anywhere to be with the kids so I didn't have to drive. Well, I took my Nal and 2 hours later, as I started making dinner, I still didn't feel like having a glass of wine. We had a good bottle we had opened the night before... my husband only openend it because I said I knew I would drink it the following night based on what I was making for dinner Monday night. I poured a glass with dinner, even though I didn't have a craving for it. It lasted for over an hour and didn't taste nearly as good as it had the night before. I poured the second glass to finish the bottle, sat down to watch TV with my girls, took one sip and ended up pouring the rest out. (Shhhhh..... if hubby knew that he'd be mad!) Then, last night, I took 3 of my kids to dinner after one kid's choir concert and while another one was at dance. One of my teenagers was driving, so I didn't have to worry about that. We ordered dinner, I thought about a glass of wine but honestly didn't feel like it, so had a diet coke. Hubby was still gone, so would normally have had some wine when we got home. Still had no desire for it, so didn't have any... Tonight, as usual, I've taken my Nal, but don't have a craving for any wine....yet. My husband will be home, so we'll see how I feel when he opens a bottle or pours himself a beer. Maybe, just maybe, something IS happening... It feels weird that it would be so "sudden" (as in one day I wanted to drink and the next I didn't.... not that I just started TSM and POOF, I was cured). We'll see.... more to come....

MinneMom

Minniemom - this is all sounding really good - all of it. I think it is good that you are trying to sort out what went on with your earlier life - that has to be hard to deal with on your own - so I think the whole thing sounds really good - and even if the nal IS working and you are sorted, I still think it would be a good idea to go to the clinic anyway. I love that you know that you cannot change your husband - or his attitude but I am sure that it hurts when you are trying so hard! Good for you for just working on you.

I am so pleased that you are doing this - I wish you all the best with it all.

Hugs, Maggie xx

Minnemom,

Your post made me smile, for I am truly happy for you. I am glad that you are feeling the nal do its job, for I was beginning to really worry about you (especially since you have a babysitter).

I do not care how much that wine was that you dumped, for what is the difference if you drank it or dumped it? It still ends up in the same place! One way means that TSM is working and the other way TSM could be working...TSM is working for you and dumping that glass should have been reason to celebrate and not feel guilty! You go girl!

Therapy is something that I had to approach years back for the same reason, and I am glad that you are taking the plunge. It will be exhausting, but at the same time it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It takes a strong women to face her demons and remember that, please.

You husband is supporting you the only way he knows how. I am sadden by how he supports you, but he does mean well. Maybe with therapy he will be a little less "babysitter" and more "husband", for I am sure he was apprehensive with you doing this alone.

I do hope that you keep your appointment even if you're seeing results with TSM, and I hope your progress continues,

Jaba

Oh Jaba.... that made me laugh! You're so right.... one way or the other, it ends up in the same place! I will keep that in perspective any time I am faced with the decision to dump as glass!

And I just want to tell you, reading your posts always feels like getting a virtual hug. Thanks for being so kind-hearted , warm and genuine. You are one of the wonderful people here that have truly helped me get through this process, especially when I really felt like it wasn't going to work. I know that the war is not over... I've been around long enough on this board (plus all the reading I did BEFORE joining!) to know that it is a rare person who never stumbles a bit during the process! I just need to focus on the here and now.... and on ME! Only one glass of wine last night... hubby poured it (didn't even as if I wanted any). It took me 3 hours to drink it, while he finished off the bottle! Anyway, Thanks for everything!

MinneMom