Thank you, Ocean. (I'm Mrs. T)

It's a long story, as all individual stories are, but I think there are 2 things different this time. Mr. T is getting treatment for anxiety and depression that seems to be working, and I have a much better understanding of what alcohol does in the brain. It would be great if he could try TSM but he doesn't want to now while newly sober and I agree with that too. He's making progress physically and that's most important.

What I know now is that alcohol and depression are deeply intertwined and cause real personality changes. It's very hard not to take that personally, but I do my best. I can now see the outline again of the man I once loved and trusted more than anyone on earth for 30 years, but I too have a brain that is always learning, and it has learned a deep deep distrust of him because he destroyed my life without warning.

It's one reason I'm here. I can see "the other side" in all the forum posts. I admire you all for how hard you are trying.

Yes I'm sorry to hear that Mrs. T and I wish the best for your husband. If he's sober then you are absolutely right, TSM is not for him. If some day he does fall back into it then it's worth a try for all the reasons I'm sure you are familiar from your study of it. I've watched my father drink all his life. HE's a good man. Always has been. He has always put others before himself, volunteered for his community, started all kinds of charity fund raising events and so on but he did it all while drinking and my mother took the brunt of it. I never realized it till she confided in me once but it's never easy on any one. I see myself so many times falling right in my fathers footsteps from the early stages, that real social out going guy that was the life of the party, to the functional alcoholic that comes home and drinks till he passes out, to facing health issues, criminal charges and thankfully no DUI's or any major major legal problems but they were coming for sure.

Even though I and my father are out going helpful people who are generally seen as good people with big hearts and so on we are alcoholics and as such are selfish liars and do what we have to do to get what we need in the end. I've lied, cheated, driven drunk, hidden all kinds of things, got in fights, and carried all the other baggage that alcoholism packages up for you all for that buzz. That I want it, me me me I I I buzz. That high that is jsut for me and no one can take it away no matter what.

The irony is that in order to get out of this situation many of us fall back on our selfishness. When I started TSM it was a gamble. I realized at that point in my life that I had to do what ever it takes to try something to get out. If what it takes was loosing a marriage, friends, a job what ever I simply had to stop consuming so much alcohol at all costs. After the dust settles then you are left with the opportunities to start getting that all back. Fortunately TSM made that so much easier. The gamble paid off and it was not any where near as hard as I thought.

It's never really over though. But there is hope in both abstinence and sobriety and TSM and I hope the best for you and your husband.

Oh and jaba sorry to hijack, hope you are okay!!!

Thank you Ocean. You have no idea how much your post means to me.

Thank you.

Ocean,

I never feel like someone has hijacked a thread, for this is about us figuring out how to live like normal people instead of alcoholics. I am glad your post helped Mrs. Truffle, for that is all that matters.

And I am fine and my FBS was 93 and glyco A1C was 4.3, thanks for asking (expect for these darn headaches, which will go away with time, but boy it is hard being AF when you know nal will take away this pain ).

Jaba