Ocean, I also read studies purporting Nal to have no effect on MJ and that has been my practical experience. I think we are talking apples and oranges. MJ NEVER had an addictive hold on me like Al did. And Al still can get me drunk even though I am not addicted as before even on Nal. Bottom line...Nal doesnt affect the addictive quality of MJ because there IS none, at least in comparison to AL.
Steve.

I agree. From my experience there is no addiction to MJ at all. Not in the least bit. I keep hearing researches say there is but I and many people I know who have used it can easily take it or leave it. I don't use it but maybe once a year now but have used it a lot in the past. My guess is that if you are addicted to MJ you are addicted to the habit. Even if it is addictive it's only in a very small percentage of people and as far as I know no one suffers physical pain, steals, kills and dies a miserable slow death from it.

I hope you will check in from time to time. I know most people after needing nal and this forum just want to put it all behind them when they are cured but it is helpful for those still here to hear about continued success. Congratulations on finding what works for you. I wish you all the best.

Jeb,

I am very happy for you and that you are discovering yourself. I think there was another person on here that was using MJ to keep his desire down; however, he was doing AA, and weed kept his desire down, but not enough. He just started using TSM a little bit ago. I think he is Bardo...he is also on the Options Saves Lives forum.

I had a heck of a time getting off weed. I did smoke it a lot, and it was so bad that going without for a day was white knuckling it. I do not think it is addictive; however, the emotional dependency was there, for living a day without it seemed like years.

Getting married for the wrong reasons happens, for I did (I married my husband after knowing him for 3 months), but I do not regret it for a moment now; however, throughout our marriage I have had a lot of second thoughts. And that girlfriend you are not over is just a fantasy, for I know that one too well...it has happened to me...looking back on it, my husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he would give me the world if I would ask for it. You will never know how different that relationship with that old girlfriend would have made your life, and how this relationship as shaped you into the person you are today. If you are a Star Trek fan the episode Tapestry comes to mind. I am not saying your situation is anything like mine, I am merely saying relationships have there ups and downs and relationships are hard to survive in this world.

The "swinging lifestyle" is something I have never partaken in; however, I had a girlfriend that did. She had a different situation, for she was about to divorce her husband and decided against it once she realized that she would have to split her stock shares in a company that she worked at her entire career. Her husband had already slept with her sister, so I think their marriage was already over, so that marriage was more out of conveniency. There was a show on based out of Cincinnati, Ohio (West Chester I think), and it does show the ins and outs of that lifestyle; however, the forums laughed about how that show has only "hot" people in it, for it isn't like that at all. I do know that you have to be invited, so finding out where the local "hangout" is your best bet. I felt for the children in that show, for the neighborhood knew and you know how cruel children can be.

Think long and hard before approaching your wife with this, for once the cat is out of the bad it will go back in! You need to think about every situation and play out every scenario in your head. I have trust issues and that is one of the reason I could not think about that lifestyle, but it can work if planned out very well and mutual respect for each other is a must (along with trust).

My second child was unplanned and a difficult pregnancy for me, and it took me a year to feel like myself again. I had postpartum depression and felt trapped, so please make sure your wife is feeling like herself before approaching her with this.

I think you are having an epiphany which is awesome, for that means you want to live life to the fullest! I wish you the best of luck and I do hope you pop in now again to let us know how life is being free from alcohol.

Jaba

jaba,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It has been a difficult month for me to deal with all these emotions again. And you are absolutely right. Every time I look back on how "it could have been", I can only fantasize, nothing more. Therefore a fantasy always looks good and greener on the other side.

I did get to hang out with her 3 times this month. I had not seen her in about 5 years. I got to meet her kids as well. It was very sobering to go to their kids school Harvest festival and actually experience it than to imagine life with them. So now I have some idea of what their lives look like, but that is all.


I still absolutely love my wife and cannot imagine life with out her as well. But if she is unwilling to become non-monogamous with me, I am very unsure of what the future will look like. It is a difficult decision I never ever thought I would have to make. But, I am no longer willing to fool myself and live the drone husband life of going to work, going home, and having these same thoughts every single day. Even more so now that we have reconnected after all this time. I cannot express to you the level of guilt I have felt this month when I learned of all the pain and struggles she has gone through since I pushed her away. It is heartbreaking for me, and I still wish I could have been there. But I need to keep remembering that it is all in the past, and I need to live in today.

I've been doing a lot of research and found there are Many many types of poly relationships, even Poly+mono relationships. So I do know it is possible, but like you said. During this time of having our second child, she will take priority until we both can have clear minds on the matter. I agree that once its out there, I cannot put the cat in the bag. that causes it to be quite the long term life decision.

Thanks again for your feedback. I am desperately trying to find a couple that has gone through this process and I have found quite a few groups on Facebook to help with that.

I do plan to come back and try to update this thread as I can for the future as well.
Cheers
-GuyJeb

Sounds like alcohol left a hole in your life that you are trying to fill.

Really take some time to think about your goals, what you want your life to look like, and what is achievable.

I have seen people attempt your proposed path and it turned into a **** show.

Whatever you choose, good luck.

Yeah, the ****-show already started and I haven't even brought up Polyamory..

Well the wife and son are home. They were dead tired on the way back from the airport. I tried to explain what I could to her, but I think only half got through.

We were finally able to discuss the MJ, and for her it's a drug, nothing more, and see's it as an illegal substance even though I have my Medical MJ card.

I made the mistake of having some alcohol one night(with Nal of course) and we got into a huge fight about budget, finance, and our assumptions of each other. I tried to bring it up again yesterday so we could have closure, however she kept interrupting me and shouting that she hasn't yet seen that I am cured of alcoholism. She ended up killing the conversation by screaming at the top of her lungs "I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, GO AWAY, AHHH!!" followed by lots of crying. It was really really hard to leave her like that, but she made our son cry, and I was sure the cops were going to arrive or at least the neighbors.. She didn't try to comfort him at all, so I took him and left the house for 6 hours.

I have asked her to let us having couples counseling together, and she did agree to that, so there is some hope out there. But I have never looked at divorce until now as an option. To me that is absolutely horrible, that I could allow that to happen for our kids. But I now realize that our Kids will have wished we did get a divorce instead of letting them live through watching that crap all childhood.

I am going a bit overboard on my imagination though - it's only been 2 fights. I was just so upset that I felt that she didn't care at all that I am finally free of Alcoholism. She feels that MJ is a drug, and I keep explaining to her that Caffeine is also a drug. All in all - she's just not educated on the subjects, and I feel she doesnt want to be.

I just somehow expected her to celebrate this victory with me that TSM brought me. I'm finally free of Alcohol after 5 years...It causes me to feel that she would rather be married to Alcoholic GuyJeb instead of Sober GuyJeb.. I mean everything is getting better, I'm able to go to the gym almost daily now, no more hangovers, I've lost weight even. I'm starting to grow as an individual by learning about Polyamory... There is just so much I wanted to share with her...but I dont know now.

reading up and learning about Poly relationships has helped me realize that there are certain rights that I have as an individual that no one is allowed to take from me. The right to be happy, the Right to take care of my health, and the right to love people. Hopefully I can continue to keep those rights while in the Marriage..

Anyway, thanks again all for the encouragement. This week I drank about 6 drinks due to having rum in the house. I'm not going to do that again. Only smoked 4 nights, due to arguments and what not..

Hope things get better
-Jeb

GuyJeb,

My heart goes out to you. I can see both side of this and I can tell you from experience you have to agree to disagree and stop fighting for your sons sake. Is this really worth ending a marriage over? Only you and her could answer that; however, I really do believe that counseling would be in the best interest for your marriage. Counseling will put things in perspective and if nothing else give both of you closure if this is the end of your relationship.

Drunk Guyjeb was predictable in an unpredictable way (if that makes any sense), so yes it is going to be an adjustment for you and her.

The MJ thing is something that she will never understand, for it sounds like she has been brained washed with the rest of people out there on their bandwagon. Do I want my children exposed to that? Not unless they need it medically.

Is there a cultural differences between the live style you are living compared to the life style she was raised? Is she completely americanized or just sort of? Maybe I am reading too much into this, but if I remember correctly, didn't you say that she goes overseas to visit family?

I might be wrong, but with just being back home, and being pregnant, might be an emotional rollercoaster for her. I understand you are excited about this new founded freedom, but give her a chance to start seeing how you have changed, and that will take time.

Again, I am glad you are posting, for nothing is easy with or without alcohol,

Jaba

Hi Guy Jeb,
I have been reading your story and I am happy for you that you have got the drinking under control. I just have to say that regarding the poly relationship thing, in my opinion you are making the biggest mistake of your life. If my husband would propose that, I would be so hurt. And, that would be the end of a 35 year marriage. I am not going to preach that marriage is hard, etc. you already know that. But it is worth the effort to be monogamous believe me.
Susie

Last night was another large fight - more of her screaming. Still cannot believe the neighbors or Cops didn't come over. My Son started crying again. I'm scared how this will affect the next baby.

She is refusing to do couples therapy. I told her that if we dont at least try that, it will eventually lead to divorce. to which she scoffed at..


Jaba -



You are right. I have not given her that chance. She has not seen my success that I have seen. I need to hold off and just love her and our family for now.

susie123 -

I can understand how you mean. As for Poly, I have decided to not bring that up until things are more stable between us. It very well may be the biggest mistake of my life in your opinion. Looking back, I made many mistakes of not being honest and truthful with her, and feeling like I must lie to keep the relationship going out of obligation, not out of love. as a result, I have been dishonest with myself and to her. and I used Alcohol to drown out that pain.


It was very difficult to come clean with her last night about some of our issues I am going through. What it really comes down to though is that I have needs that are not getting met out of this relationship, as well as I'm sure she has needs that are not getting met from me. Infidelity(emotional affair), polyamory, etc - all of these are product of us not communicating about these underlying needs. I really hope we can begin communicating again about it in a safe environment.

At this point - I'm just going to put everything else on hold until we can have a safe & healthy childbirth and I am really sick of seeing my Son's reaction to her screaming.

Perhaps 8-10 months later we can discuss it again..