You're doing fine, mini mom.

Quite a bit of the stress that you drink to get away from, comes from the drinking. Go figure!

Your brain (the ego) does not want you to quit drinking, and I mean really doesn't want you to quit drinking. It likes the drinking.

It is the brains normal.

Once that's recognized, you can get past it.

Seems hard to believe, and a struggle, but it will happen over time. Believe.....

Minnemom,

What Guapo says is how I felt about it. My brain did not want to give up drinking and wanted me to be drunk and I found myself drinking more than I wanted regardless of what I did or promised myself. One day a switch was flipped and my brain just stopped asking for a drink...it was quiet, so keep listening for it, but it will come!

Jaba

Reboot,

You have no idea how encouraging it is when I read posts like this! I just have to keep reminding myself (like losing weight after having a baby) that it took a long time to get this way and it's going to take some time to change yet again... Thanks!

Hey Meggie, my mom passed away on October 22nd, as well.... I'll be thinking of you next year as our moms' anniversary nears. Hang in there.... I do hope you find others to lean on in the absence of your husband... you deserve the support!

Guapo & Jaba,

Thanks so much... I know it's going to take time and I promise.... I WILL keep listening for my brain to quiet down.

I just felt such shame when I read not your last post to me, Guapo, but the one before it where you talked about TSM and sneaking not going together. I know that, I'm just not to the point where I can change my behavior... Once again, I just felt like such a failure. Argh! I know that wasn't your intention, but that's how my guilt-stricken brain took it. I'm working on the not sneaking...

Just in case anyone is interested....

Exactly one month after I started TSM, I had an AF day! I can't say that it was enjoyable and I certainly was white knuckling it most of the evening. I was feeling guilt for my numbers escalating last week, so I thought I would give it a shot. Like I said, the urge to drink ebbed and flowed. I had taken my nal at 4:00 pm as normal just in case, so I could've had a drink. I purposely made a "kid-centric" dinner that would NOT go with wine and my husband wasn't due home until 10:00 pm.

Interestingly, I was fine at 10:00 pm when he did arrive home. I had just gone into our bedroom to read when he came in. He had had a stressful travel day (out the door at 5:00 am for a day trip and then went to the wrong airport and almost missed his flight on the return trip) and was regaling the details to me. He poured himself a little snifter of Scotch and came back to bed. He asked me if I wanted a sip and I said no. Then he was like, "But this is that Glenmorangie Signet we brought back from Scotland. You really should try it." I sniffed it, it smelled wonderful and I said, "Nah.... I already have my trays (retainers) in..." And that was that.

I was hoping to have a great nights sleep, but alas it was not in the cards for me. I tossed and turned and woke up utterly exhausted. In hindsight, I should've taken a Unisom.

So, for me it was a HUGE victory. I literally cannot remember the last AF day that I had that wasn't induced my the shame and guilt of a bender the previous day and the fallout from it. My FIRST AF by choice in at least a couple of years. Go me!

That said, I'm already looking forward to my wine tonight... baby steps....

MinneMom,

Look at it this way...your habit/norm is to sneak drinks, for TSM to work you drink like you normally do and the rest will follow...no guilt...no shame...just following that golden rule and the rest will follow...and then, and only then, if you want it to the truth will come out!

Good for you, having an AF day! I could not have one so early in the game unless it was nal. over induced. I think having AF days help to see where you are, or at least try to have one. If you can, you can, if you cannot...try again another day.

So, be proud little Minnemom, for I am very proud of you!

Jaba

Minnemom: I think you are doing fabulously well!! You should be very proud of yourself!! xoxo Newlife

I agree, you're doing very well.

The sneaking commen wasn't meant to be shaming. As I recall, once I stopped the sneaking, things turned around for the better in a hurry.

It's best to do what you're comfortable with.

So often I think that TSM is not working as I thought it would for me. Then I think about the fact that it has been months since I have hid alcohol or had a secret drink. TSM life is good. You are doing great.