Clarion...man that seems like some golden advice to me. I can't disagree with any point. Knowing MM, I believe she can pull this off. But you are correct. When trust is broken it is not quick or easy. And it is sometimes impossible. And I agree that promises are worth nothing. Gotta show him. He has a lot to lose too.
Steve.

Trust is everything, true. I have let down everyone in my family and somehow they still care about me. I think MM's husband probably cares too, and probably knows a lot of what she is hiding. Maybe not all of the specifics, but people usually know when somebody is hiding something from them. MM, if you read this, I think I would be totally honest with him. I know that is frightening, esp. when he has the attitude that you should be able to control this totally on your own. But, I think if you are totally honest about what you have done and what you have hidden, and the steps you are taking now, it would be a big relief for you, and maybe he wouldn't watch you so much anymore.
Anyway, I had 3 beers tonight, and I won't go out anymore. If I had anymore booze in the house I would drink it, which kind of disappoints me. Hubby had nothing to drink today, and he thought that when I went out earlier to walk the dog, I got more booze. He thought I drank those 3 beers by 5:00! It was a good feeling not to have to try to lie and disappoint him again.

I have been rethinking my post for hours. It wasn't fair. I flattered myself to think I knew you at least somewhat and projected my personality onto your husband. I'm 67 but still very much in touch with my little 10yr old boy. I had trust issues I could never clearly own and little boy hurts I couldn't let go of. Has nothing to do with your man. He probably knows how fortunate he is to have you. What I do agree with is that you need to have patience with him as he needs patience with you. Clarion had a good point about him not immediately jumping on a band wagon quite yet but I'm not sure that is real cause for you to be disappointed in him. He is not stupid and he may have a little bit of hurt child in him. I think most men do. As far as talking..if it is not excessive empty promises, if its backed up with action and obvious attempt to change destructive behavior as you have certainly accomplished..I think talking is good. I have been spun around many times by a heartfelt apology or just an explanation of fears and motives. Anyway I have faith in you. Don't give up. You deserve a good life.
Steve.

Susie,

I do know what you mean about "wanting more", and there are still times that I feel that way, but it isn't as strong as it once was. Before if I wanted more, I would go get more (or hunt for the extra bottles my husband hid from me for days like that), now I can get busy and my mind forgets about the desire...and trust me that has never happened before, for even when I was sober I would have to go to bed because that urge would be so strong.

I think your progress is looking great, and I hope things continue this way for you,

Jaba

MinneMom,

Clarion has a point, for I haven't spoken a word to my son yet because I have failed him so many times and I want to be 100% sure I have this under control before I disappoint him again.

I have a husband that has never touched alcohol, and feels that drinking is a sign of weakness and to kills brain cells.

Did your husband know about the sneaking drinks? For mine didn't, but he knew I was out of control.

We have talked now that I have control, but it took me a while to feel comfortable enough to approach the subject. I think your husband might be looking at it like my husband, for there was a time after the honeymoon period that my husband thought it wasn't going to work. I was drinking way too much (but not as much as pre-nal), and I was deathly ill from nal. overs. My husband who has hardly said a thing about my drinking asked me if I am sure this was going to work, for it doesn't seem like it! I asked him if he wanted to read the book, he said no. Then I explained that this was normal...he response was, if you say so, for it doesn't seem like it. If that pill is to stop you from drinking so much than why do you continue to drink? But he did say if you trust it, I guess I will have to as well.

If your husband has no problem with controlling his intake then he has no clue how you feel, and what you are going through. I can only explain my desire to my husband like a thirst that is never quenched, and he still doesn't get it (for if you do not need it, just keep away from it).

Once you have control over your intake, you might want to try to approach that subject again; however, do not be surprised if he will not want to discuss it. Men are different then women, for women like to discuss and analyze and most men do not. When I ask my husband he will say he is proud of my progress, and very happy that I am not drinking all the time. And he is sorry that he doesn't tell me more often...but I think it may be because he wants to forget that part of me, for I do know it did hurt him.

Jaba

Today was the first AF day on Nal. I could do AF before Nal. but it was very difficult, it caused me a lot of stress and fear. I don't know why it caused fear, maybe just that it was such a powerful addiction that it made me very scared and uncomfortable to even think about abstaining for a day. So I would somehow get through one day, the next would be easier and then the next day I would drink again.
Today was easy, we went over to my daughter's house for supper. By the way, I never drink in front of my family. They think I don't drink. They know I have a problem, I went to rehab in 2005. In the past, I would always stop for wine on the way home, but tonight I didn't even think about it!
I just read most of Ocean's story, I could have written most of it, for sure!
I think next time I will take just a 1/4 of a pill, the SEs are not pleasant. I just hope that 1/4 pill will be enough.
Susie

Susie

You are having a great start! An AF day in the first week and good numbers as well. That is fantastic. Keep up the good work. And the side effects will definitely diminish -

Susie,

If 1/2 the pill is still causing unpleasant side effects, then yes go to 1/4 for a while, but keep an eye on your intake. I know that a couple of people (Carli comes to mind) that stayed on 1/4 of a pill (or was it 1/2) for a long while until she realized she was having issues with binging. Just play it by ear and see how you feel on a lesser dose. If you feel any type of rush from the alcohol, you may want to bump it back up. And with that first and second drink try to drink as slowly as you can to see if you feel anything, for if you do maybe just go ahead and take the rest of the dose and wait another hour (if you can, easier said than done).

When you say first AF day on the nal...do you mean you took the nal or first AF day since starting TSM? I am sure you mean the latter, but I just want to clarify. You should be proud that you are able to have an AF day so soon in the process, for that is amazing. I could not have an AF day unless it was a because of an nal. over.

I think a lot of us get that anxiety without drinking (and with drinking), for I would even have heart palpations when I tried to be abstinence and those are frightening. You are not alone with the fear and stress of thoughts of quitting, and I think that is why some of us are here (besides the fact being sober doesn't work).

Keep up the good work and keep posting,

Jaba

I kind of panicked I think after I had a few too many at a party last night. I am not an extrovert, so I tend to get stressed out at parties. So I drank too much and this morning had a craving. Did NOT take the nal and drank a couple shots.
I did then take a full 50 mg Nal. and the total for today is 2 shots, 1 hard lemonade and 2 glasses of wine.
Actually not as half as bad as what it would have been before the Nal, but I am disappointed a little bit. I thought it would be a piece of cake, like last week.
All in all, I am feeling much better than this afternoon. I do still have a craving now, if there was more booze in the house I would drink it!

Susie,

It happens, but when you drank those shots did you feel the rush? I am thinking some of your receptors where still covered; however, to rewire your brain you need to make sure that you take the nal. and wait that hour (I know you know...just a reminder).

I have had my moments of weakness, so you are not alone. The good news is those moments of weakness get farther and less strong as time goes on. Once our brains are rewired to no longer crave alcohol it gets so much easier, but we always have to remember our habit of turning to alcohol is something we have to work on.

Brush yourself off and move onto another day with the nal,

Jaba