I have been reading that expression a lot lately!

Well I'm in my 11th month now of faithful TSM, not a single slip-up on the Golden Rule, and still going at it.

I wish I'd have made more progress at this point, but I'm not complaining about the changes that have occurred for the better.

Haven't been sloppy black-out drunk since the day I started which is the first change for the better. I usually stop at between 4 to 6 light beers (4.2% abv) and I'm 5'10" and 175 pounds so while that's more than I should, it's a lot closer to the safe limit level than when I started. I also have at least 1 AF day a week, when I take my younger son roller skating.

I'm still exercising like a maniac, pretty much 7 days a week sometimes twice a day, so I sleep pretty well and lost 20 pounds, and that's a good thing.

Best of all, when I'm drinking my behavior is different. No more of the crazy manic thinking that used to accompany my rat brain pushing the old alcohol lever. Much more stable emotionally when I'm under the influence.

On the downside, my wife of 25 years and I are separating. We've had issues for years, and my drinking is certainly part of the problem, but its also that we need space to grow even if that means growing apart. I'm sad about that, but at the same time it's a little like opening a window and letting in a breath of cool autumn air.

C'est La Vie...........no one ever said it was easy.

Anyway, I thought I'd check in with some of my old friends here and give an update.

Hang in there. I'm sure going through a breakup could be a big trigger or excuse to let loose again so be careful

I know what you mean by the crazy maniac once you start drinking. That was me for sure and honestly after the very first session I had with TSM about 4 months ago now has completely squashed that. I no longer suffer the chase so now if I think I drink to much then it's for other reasons. The alcohol is still satisfying, it still has the effect of sedation and other qualities buit without the chase I no longer drink till I am black out drunk, spend the entire next day sick with withdrawal and then repeat the cycle, was rinse and repeat.

So everything you have described sounds good to me thought 11 months is a long time it's not unheard of.

hi all41,

nice to see you back here - I think we're about the same vintage TSM-wise

sorry to hear about you & your wife. that's got to be rough, but you sound pretty philosophical about it

I hope you don't mind me asking, but I'm curious about your drinking since you did your 30 days abstinence earlier in the year. it sounds like you're back to drinking most days now, although not to major excess - is this something that has crept back since your '30' or were you straight back into it?

-badger

Well, being of the same vintage, I may as well chime in with best wishes. And trigger warnings. Be careful, you face treacherous seas with the dissolution of a 25 year marriage. That could drive a normal man to drink...

All - SO sorry about your marriage - as Badger said you sound pretty philosophical about it though - not sure I would be the same - I have been married for 33 years and cannot imagine my life without him - 25 years is a LONG time ! Yes - be careful re the drinking - you might think you are fine re the marriage but it might suddenly jump up and bite you !

I had totally forgotten about your 30 day thing - it still amazes me that anyone on this site can even think of doing 30 days AF !! I have a hard enough time stringing together 4 ! And I started in Jan - so am at the 10 month mark and still am nowhere near 'there'. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and repeat - one day it will work - I just know it will - I have faith and patience in abundance!

Hang in there - we will get there!

Hugs, Maggie x

Thanks guys!

yes Ocean it's just about exactly as you describe. There are still feelings of sedation that I like, but the manic euphoria died COMPLETELY on the very first day. The urge to get drunker and drunker and still drunker till POOF WTF happened last night...............is gone, and I'm quite sure that's permanent if I follow the golden rule, which I will do. I have absolutely no desire after a year to return to that!

As far as my marriage goes,, there's way to much drama, conflict, arguing, and negativity. You have to wonder at some point how that is affecting your state of mind, and whether or not a change is both healthy and in order. We are separating, so a reconciliation is on the table, and with less stress and negativity I'm actually hoping that I'll drink less rather than more. anyway I'm trying to keep a positive outlook and keep my chin up. The one thing that does worry me is that I'm a transplant to this part of the USA and my really good friends and blood family are all back east.

I do plan on doing another "30" after the dust settles. It was a good experience and I'd like to start doing 2 or 3 a year, and take it from there. Maybe I should start one on my 1 year TSM anniversary

I don't mind that question at all Badger......it crept back and peaked a couple of months ago in July and now its tapering off again. I have only been tracking in my head so that's what my general impression is at any rate. Back when I was tracking religiously I did observe that I had long term cycles that I didn't even know were there. I think I'll start tracking again in the near future, and it will be interesting to compare to earlier notes.

Hugs back at you Maggie, we all have the strength within us to make this work! Yes, it's putting one foot in front of the other, and you have to take small steps before you can take big ones. Finishing that 30 made me feel really good. I could both see TSM progress in myself (the proof was in the pudding so to speak), and it boosted my self-confidence. Deciding to be in it unfailingly for the long haul is the first and most important step.

I just wanted to wish you the best with you and your wife and that you find the reconciliation you're considering. Throwing away 25 years is not something that should be done lightly. Last year, my wonderful husband turned 40 and left me after 21 years of marriage (24.5 years together) for someone he met while I put him through law school and had started an emotional affair with, someone I bent over backwards to be a friend to and support her in her time of need, and that wasn't enough-- oh, no, she couldn't stop until she'd taken everything I had. I was desperate to work through it, but his heart was already out the door. We never argued anymore, because I'd done so much work on myself around effective communication. But he didn't do his work, and apparently he needed to avoid conflict so badly that he never told me what was wrong so that we could fix it together before it became irreparable. You guys have a chance to work on yourselves and come back together to fight for your marriage side by side as a team. Please don't waste it.

Be very mindful of your state of mind, and please reach out for help early and often. I ended up in the hospital for 9 days, and I had never contemplated suicide before even though I had a horrifying childhood. I met Mr. ND there, so I guess it was for the best, but even so, he makes me want to tear my hair out on the regular.

I hope something within my ramblings helped, even if it's just so you know other people out there know how much a long-term marriage like that means in one's life. Take care.

Hello all41, we started at the same time, so I do like to see how others are doing. I totally agree with your post, some changes, not the heady fantasies we had when we started but all in all positive.

glad you ok

all41:

I'm glad that you posted and let us know what is going on with you. I am sorry that you are going through what must be a difficult time but no, life isn't always easy, is it? Sometimes we have to go through bad stuff to get to good stuff, but you already know that.

Your description of your TSM changes sounds wonderful to me. If you are able to get through this type of trigger situation and maintain the progress you have already seen then that will be fantastic and give you a lot of confidence in TSM and it sounds like that is already happening.

Re the friends, that part is tough, I hope you will be able to reach out and make some new ones. I lost my best friend 5 years ago to breast cancer and there is still a huge hole in my life from that, so I know it is not so easy to "replace", but again, something new and wonderful may just have a chance to come along for you. May it be so.

Nal on, my friend!! Newlife

You did it once, so you can do it again.