MinneMom,

I am happy that you are experiencing a honeymoon period and it sounds like you are already trying to distinguish between habit and desire (something that took me a long time to figure out...just last week). So be proud, very proud! I am very happy for you and was smiling until I got to the part about your son and your husband.

I am sorry to hear about your sons injury and hopefully he recovers quickly so he can continue to play. I do hope that he is not in very much pain. I remember when my daughter twisted her ankle. I thought I was going to pass out when they examined her for she was in so much pain (and the doctors poke and pull like you're not). I remember after that I drank 2 bottles of wine and a pint of vodka...not good. You are lucky, in away, that you do not want to drink when things like that happen; however, I have a feeling you don't eat either.

Remember, you cannot control how your husband responds towards you. I understand that it is stressful and it causes you to have anxiety, but until he is ready to talk about what his problem is, it is his problem not yours and leave it at that (easier said than done). You need to focus on you and it is okay be completely selfish and self centered. Do not let your husband actions get in the way of your progress. Remind him that you will be there for him when he is ready to talk.

Just a couple of thoughts:

Is it possible that he found out you are taking the nal? I cannot remember if you were going to tell him or not.

Could it be his work? There are times when my husband will want to mull over a problem before discussing it with me (or anyone for that matter), and it makes him less talkative and tense.

Could you talk to your son to see if they had a fight? If you husband isn't going to tell you, maybe your son will.

Maybe you are just being more sensitive/emotional with taking the nal, for it can have a different effect on different people.

OR is it possible that he always acts this way and since you are not staying up to drink you are noticing it? (staying up drinking and waking up feeling the effects of al. will leave us impaired to the rest of the world...for me any ways).

I think Newlife has a point about still going to any therapy, for things are going to be difficult with you for the next couple of months and you need to focus on TSM working for you. You are going to need his support and he is going to have to be more open with you so you can complete this journey and be the best that you can be. Him closing himself off and not talking to you is pushing your buttons, and that is not good.

Be proud of your progress Minnemom, and keep posting,

Jaba

[quote="newlife"I think based upon your first post that you have a doctor/counseling appointment coming up in early October? I am glad about that, because I do think that counseling will be helpful, especially with the sexual abuse issues. There is no way that I could ever deal with that alone. I wonder if maybe getting some marital counseling, even if one or two sessions, might not be a good idea too at some point.[/quote]

Thanks, Newlife. I so appreciate your encouragement! I'm waffling about my appointment on Monday. I do agree with you that I need to (continue) to work my way through the fallout from my sexual abuse. The place I'm scheduled to go is an addiction clinic, which also treats OTHER underlying (?) or coinciding issues that may be contributing to the alcohol abuse. While that sounds FANTASTIC, I called them the other day and found out that this visit WILL become a part of my medical record. The fact that I'm being treated by an addiction clinic will go on my record, not just that I'm seeing a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. With the help of TSM and all of you, I'm hoping to help myself out of the alcohol abuse. I think, however, that instead of having the label "alcoholic" assigned to me on my medical records, I may want to find a therapist who specializes on childhood sexual abuse. Sigh.... nothing is ever easy, is it???

On a good note, was able to drink just two glasses of wine again last night. I talked myself out of any more because I didn't really want it. My hand was itching for something to do while I watched TV with my daughter, but my brain wasn't tormenting me with "you've only got two more sips left... aren't you going to go pour another glass???".

Tonight may be AF as I'm driving kids from 6:00 pm - 9:45 pm. I'm going to move to the full 50 mg the next time I drink and we'll see how I feel. Thanks again for being so supportive!

MinneMom,

I am sorry to hear that a self-pay clinic will tarnish and label you as an alcoholic; however, I can see why, but it is sad.

I am glad to hear that you are still going to seek out help from a therapist.

It sounds like you are really getting the hang of TSM, and your progress is looking great!

Keep up the good work,

Jaba

Thank you (once again!) for such a thoughtful post! I'll clue you in on the answers to your questions!

Is it possible that he found out you are taking the nal? I cannot remember if you were going to tell him or not.

[b]He DOES know I'm taking the Nal. I even forwarded him the link to the book and to several articles about TSM. I know he's read at least some of it because he made a comment about someone else we know possibly benefiting from the Nal[/b]

Could it be his work? There are times when my husband will want to mull over a problem before discussing it with me (or anyone for that matter), and it makes him less talkative and tense

Not work.... he only gets this way if it's something personal... He's able to put work in a "box" and pretty much leave it there!

Could you talk to your son to see if they had a fight? If you husband isn't going to tell you, maybe your son will.

This is tricky.... it's actually my STEPson, not my BIO son. I don't have the type of relationship with my stepson where I could feel comfortable prying in something between the two of them. We've had lots and LOTS of issues with his son throughout the years, which has caused unbelievable stress on our relationship/marriage. I just know that if it's not something I've done to cause the change in my husband's behavior, then I'm 99% sure it's something with his son. He's almost 16 and pits his parents against each other. He could be threatening to go live with his mom for some reason or another, which may be causing my hubby to act this way. Often his son blames things on me... we have too many rules at our house, etc. His mother is a textbook, raging alcoholic but allows him all sorts of freedom and no boundaries, so it's a GREAT place to be if you're 16! I just have to wait it out until he'll talk to me.... or not. He may just start acting normal towards me again and I'll never know what the issue was...

Maybe you are just being more sensitive/emotional with taking the nal, for it can have a different effect on different people.

Possible, but not likely! I'm used to him doing this... it's just usually in response to one of my binges where I've lashed out at him. I will, however, try to keep my mind open to that possibility. I try to clue in to if I'm being overly sensitive to other people, too.

OR is it possible that he always acts this way and since you are not staying up to drink you are noticing it?

When he's not smarting from the fallout of one of my raging binges, he's generally a nice, affectionate person towards me. I really do think it's outside of me this time as NOTHING has occurred for a month now! I am MUCH more clear now in the evening and especially the morning, though, so other things are obvious to me that weren't before!

Again, many thanks for your unique perspective. I love that it forces me to ask the question "what else could this mean?" before just automatically deaulting to my first instinct!

Minnemom,

I do hope I did offend you with my questions, for that was not my intent.

I hate to hear that your step-son you and do not have an open relationship, but it is understandable. The teen years are hard for parent and child and harder if you are a step-parent/child.

I think it is great that you do have rules in your house, for I have seen too many of my daughter and sons friends get lost in this world because they did not have rules. My kids would always say that I embarrass them for I always have to call the parents before they can go anywhere or they would complain about me not allowing them to do things. I would tell them I have one job and that is to make sure they are a productive adults. If you hate me along the way, but you get into college, then I have done my job. And hopefully one day you will forgive me.

I think your job is harder, for you and your husband are trying to do what is best for him, and right now he doesn't see it, but one day he will.

I do hope that things calmed down in your house, for that kind of stress is not fun.

Jaba

Minnemom:

I completely understand your not wanting to go to an addiction clinic just for the reasons you said, especially when you've done so well on cutting down your drinking and therefore it is not an "emergency" situation. I agree, it sounds better to me to find a counselor specializing in sexual abuse. I just really encourage you to do it. As I say that I also am well aware that it is not an easy thing to find a good counselor. And it IS an easy thing to waste a lot of time, money and energy with a bad one. But it is still worth the effort.

Good on you for only 2 drinks!! AND YES i understand the busy hands. Especially hard for me in a social setting, I just don't know what to do with myself without a glass in my hand. Perhaps alternate with water or a special "mocktail"? I like cranberry juice, club soda and lime.

Take care and NAL ON!! xoxo Newlife

Hi Jaba!

oh NO!!! You certainly didn't offend me with your questions! I really value them! We all get so stuck in seeing things OUR way, when sometimes we just need someone to ask us some questions to "clear" things up! I'm ever so grateful for all of the time you spend and the care you take to respond to me and to the many others who post here! You're a fantastic cheerleader and sounding board. Many, many thanks!!!

The emotions that you feel about your husband is my every day life. My husband is sick physically and mentally and when he acts like that it does make you sick. I blame my drinking on his emotions toward me. I should have left years ago.
I have been in this program since August. I have jumped from 1/4 pill to half to whole. Now I have gone back to a half. I have been so tired in the mornings and I afraid that it is the Nal. I am also new to this journey and hope that it can help cure me before it kills me. Let's keep in touch.

Oh Meggie... I'm so sorry for your situation. I've been reading about your sleep in another thread. I can totally understand why you're not sleeping! The anxiety that is provoked by the emotional "shut out" by a spouse easily causes things like sleeplessness! For me, it's about eating... when I am anxiety-ridden, I simply cannot eat. And if I try, it all comes back up again.

I hope as you continue to get your al under control with the Nal, you'll be able to better deal with the issues with your husband. Take care of YOU first and the rest will follow...

Thanks, Newlife. I so appreciate your encouragement! I'm waffling about my appointment on Monday. I do agree with you that I need to (continue) to work my way through the fallout from my sexual abuse. The place I'm scheduled to go is an addiction clinic, which also treats OTHER underlying (?) or coinciding issues that may be contributing to the alcohol abuse. While that sounds FANTASTIC, I called them the other day and found out that this visit WILL become a part of my medical record. The fact that I'm being treated by an addiction clinic will go on my record, not just that I'm seeing a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. With the help of TSM and all of you, I'm hoping to help myself out of the alcohol abuse. I think, however, that instead of having the label "alcoholic" assigned to me on my medical records, I may want to find a therapist who specializes on childhood sexual abuse. Sigh.... nothing is ever easy, is it???

On a good note, was able to drink just two glasses of wine again last night. I talked myself out of any more because I didn't really want it. My hand was itching for something to do while I watched TV with my daughter, but my brain wasn't tormenting me with "you've only got two more sips left... aren't you going to go pour another glass???".

Tonight may be AF as I'm driving kids from 6:00 pm - 9:45 pm. I'm going to move to the full 50 mg the next time I drink and we'll see how I feel. Thanks again for being so supportive![/quote]

Hi MM

I just wanted you to know that whilst there are organisations and therapist specialising in sexual abuse, most properly trained counsellors (several years of study + placement hours of practice) are also equipped to deal with anything life throws at you including sexual abuse. Also many people going to counselling for one thing, will have other issues and talking around feelings is all pretty much the same thing.

Anyone who is professional should be able to help you, and there is evidence that it's how you get on with the therapist which is one of the most important factors, sometimes more important than technique.