Maggie,

The kind of fear that UK blonde is talking about is something I do not want to experience. I have seen that happen and it is a little more than she is describing. At least it was for my live-in boyfriend, and trust me it is nothing you want to be around or experience yourself. For with him it was almost as if he was a different person...kind of like possessed...but once he got that drink he became himself again...it was very scary!

Jaba

No it was a different fear, it was a fear of not drinking. I cried that day alone in the shower, because I knew I wasn't brave enough not to drink. I knew I was enslaved.

But I too feel scared of not drinking - I did have some time when I had no problems going AF - and then that stopped !! These days I cannot imagine having an AF day again! BUMMER ! What has happened ? Things seemed to be going so well for such a while - and now I feel as if it has all gone to pot!

Hugs, Maggie x

hey Maggie--- don't sweat it. I just had my first AF day in a LONG time yesterday, yet it was in my lowest AL week yet. Go figure. we're all different. sometimes the days are crappy, and the weeks aren't bad. then the days seem pretty good, but the week's consumption gets away from you. you're trying. you're working. you're moving toward something you really want. life is sketchy sometimes and we all try the best we can ( or sorta the best we can). stop beating yourself up because you deserve better. and it WILL get better. we're with you, dear! zontar

Oh Zontar - thank you so much! I love having someone to cheer me on ! I know that it will all sort out in the end - just wish it wasn't taking so long !! But thank you so much for the support -

Hugs to you, Maggie x

Maggie,

It will come back, you've had a taste of it now.

I now want a hugs icon, because to write it in my strong, avoidant personality is not in my nature.

Gerring soft now.

Aawwww UKB - you are sweet!! How about (((hugs))) or is that too much too ??? LOL

HUGS, Maggie

Hugs to you Maggie. Don't think too much about it just keep taking the nal and doing the best you can. You will get to where you want to be. I think we need to be mindful but I don't think we should white knuckle AF days.

Things will work out. Hugs from Newlife

Thanks Newlife - I do not think I am capable of white knuckling - it is ironic - I have no trouble having an AF day when I take an AB but I just cannot stomach it these days for some reason. SO, be patient and have faith ..... that will be my epitaph

Hugs, Maggie x

Wow, this thread blew up since last time I logged in.

Regarding following TSM properly, yes, I understand that it's important to not skip days. Taking a dose in the morning is part of how I'm trying to avoid that. My current thinking is to just keep my system saturated with it 24/7. Right now I'm taking 25 mg four times per day - morning, afternoon, evening, and before bed. My doctor reports that some of his patients split their total dosage between a morning and evening dose that because taking the entire thing all at once produces side effects that are too intense. And that when a 50 mg daily dose is even slightly effective, increasing to 100 mg is likely to produce a substantially better response.

I can tell you with certainty that when I take naltrexone, it covers receptors for at least 24 hours. Only when I've been off of it entirely for two or three days can I start to experience the pleasurable, euphoric sensations from drinking again. Everyone is different - I've heard from some people that it will wear off within just a few hours for them. For me, it sticks for a long time.

The day after my first post, I did well and held it to 6.5 drinks (will log it as 7). And the following day (last night), about 7.5 (I'll log that as 8). Pretty good and didn't take as much willpower as I had expected. Higher dose does seem to help. And I am making sure to take my gabapentin dose every 6 hours more strictly as well.

I'm trying hard to keep hard liquor out of the house, as recommended by my doctor. Every time I bring home even a 375 mL bottle, it's almost a certainty that I will end up with a hangover that will render me pretty much non-functional the next day. That's what happened a few days ago. And yet a week after that happens, I will usually go and do it again. Going to try extra hard to resist that urge over the next couple of weeks and hope for the best.