This is a very interesting thread. My pattern has tended to be weekend drinking. i was shocked the first time a professional suggested that i was a binge drinker. and here's me thinking i was virtuous cos i only drank at weekends!! Then as my working week shortened the weekends got longer. I have never drunk during the day- it simply wouldn't occur to me- other than on christmas day.
i dont really think about drink during the AF days - or didnt until a few months ago when i started to notice that i had some days - when i would find myself thinking about a drink on the way home. i started to find this unnerving. sometimes i went with the craving and sometimes it passed. i loved what you said nick about realising that if you kept going the way you were you would be an alcoholic and have to give up drink for good. There is rather a paradox in that thought. Surely worrying about never being able to drink again is of itself an indication of extreme dependency if not alcoholism! I have many friends for whom the thought of ever being able to drink again for whatever reason would not give them a second thought. I have been thinking about this a lot in recent weeks/months. I've never had a conversation with anyone else who thought in the same way. Hence my delight at finding this site.

I like this thread. It touches on some of the patterns I have had for 20 years. I can discuss some of my triggers online but others are too ugly and personal for me to mention. I will say that triggers for me can range from many things. Car accidents. helping people die as a pallitive care nurse, the stress of past medical procedures I endured because my partner had fertility issues. I've been mugged , I've been sexually assaulted.I live in a safe neighborhood and live a normal life by the way. That was all in the past. Triggers could be anything. I do alot of work on letting go of negative feelings. I try to see each day a fresh territory. It is the only way I survive. Many people I personally know say " write a book " But I don't think I can re -feel alot of things. I see an excellent councillor who keeps me in a safe place. I don't take any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. Triggers are everywhere and I just see myself as bigger than it all most of the time. I have to say my biggest enemy is being tired alot. If I just look after myself I am usually able to handle stuff. So binge drinking, which used to be truly deadly for me, is just like pulling the lid off a teapot that is boiling too hot. It isn't about sitting there all week waiting or thinking about drinking at all. It is much deeper. Frankly, I am suprised I am not a daily drinker. I think that when I find a way of putting all that stuff, ( and I have only said the tip of the iceberg ) into a process in my brain that can say it is all " ok ", then I will be doing well. I don't believe that my life has enough years left for that but I have under estimated myself before so in answer to the question of triggers. My entire life is a trigger and the little things I see, like people drinking are of very little influence. For years I hung around with people who were drinking and I wasn't and I didn't care. I am not a normal case though by any stretch of the imagination. Sorry for the long post. Tater

Tater, thanks for sharing. That's a lot of personal tragedy and a lot of personal triggers. Sounds like you are handling it in a very healthy way, with your counselor and your outlook. I am always amazed by people's personal tragedies. I always say, "Show me a completely well-adjusted person; someone not recovering from some sort of trauma and that just means I haven't gotten to know them very well." The good thing about this post is that typically, in order to cure a problem or issue, you have to know it exists. It would be easy to overlook all of the triggers in our life. On the other hand, as Lena says, just take the nal before you drink and don't worry about it, the triggers should eventually be defeated. I'm working on a new trigger: writing on this board. GF HATES it, thinks I'm obsessed and I am. (Of course she likes the nal; just hates being ignored, like most of us.) Anyway, when she stalks by me as I press the keys, I'm feeling like a drink is in order. BTW, it's Thursday and I caved into my usual trigger on this night - a trip to my buddies' bar in downtown MPLS. I was going to "tease" myself and go AF tonight. Didn't happen. I had two large beers and left (3 units), so that is a minor victory -- the minimal consumption. Definitely gone is that honeymoon of having one and not wanting more. I WANTED MORE but left after three, using some restraint I probably wouldn't have had pre-nal. So that's pretty good. Looking at the bright side, Thursday night at that bar is ANOTHER TRIGGER that needs to be extinguished and tonight was step 1. AM FEELING LIKE ONE BIG SIX-FOOT TRIGGER STOMPER these days! As I got out of my car downtown, and I was walking down the street and there was a warm, summer breeze in the air, I felt a TRIGGER. Merely walking in downtown MPLS with the warm wind in my face makes me want to drink. I probably would not have even thought of it but/for this TRIGGER thread. So CHEERS everybody, let's have a toast to stomping out those triggers.

It's funny how some of the posts here live on with you throughout the day and affect what you do...

My husband just acts like he thinks I'm working when I'm typing away but he has been hovering more and more so I'm sure he knows I am doing something 'odd'...and my kids hate it. I will eventually get to a point where I give up the site, but for now it is helping me through. Makes me think about things I need to think about.

Potatoe, I don't know...you are just a gem. I'm amazed when I find out the backstory of some of the people on this board. With so much pain lived through we might all be mean shriveled up all hags, and yet, we are the opposite. A lot of inspiration around on the board this week.

Cheers.

As many of you know, I am a "periodic" drinker. For me the trigger is almost any circumstance where it seems like having a beer is the best idea I've had all day. Maybe I worked especially hard, or maybe I don't have to work. Perhaps I'm really upset with somebody, or I might be in a great mood and just feel like having a couple (six packs) to celebrate. Or maybe It's the 4th of July, or my birthday, or a blue moon, or the second Tuesday of the month, or a weekday. The point is that almost anything can act as a trigger if you really want to drink.

But that doesn't mean that identifying and dealing with common triggers is not important. I drink because I am addicted to alcohol. That is true, but it is equally true that my brain uses certain mechanisms to make the addictive dream a reality. One of those mechanisms is opportunity: Well I don't have work tomorrow, and my kid's at his mom's house tonight, and there is that half gallon of whiskey with a shot glass sitting next to it on the table in front of me . . . Or there is rationalisation: Let's see, I won't be able to drink tomorrow because I'm hosting an AA meeting, and after that I have a late-night driving test, so I really should do it tonight . . . It would almost be irresponsible of me not to. And there are certain triggers I have identified: Oh, I think I'll play my guitar (glug, glug). That bitch, how dare she say I drink too much! (chugga, chugga). What a beautiful evening. I believe I shall take a stroll, right after I have a glass of fine red wine (pop, slosha, slosha).

The hope is that by depriving my self of the expected reward, I can disassociate these things from the false reward, and reassociate them with their own natural rewards (except for the "bitch" one, which has no reward). That's the hope anyway. Is it working? I don't know for sure yet but some evidence points to yes. Playing guitar has started to be about playing guitar again. A night at the bar has become social like it used to be. And emotional states no longer automatically result in a bender.

I understand that the goal of TSM is to reduce or eliminate alcohol consumption. But for me this experience has become much more than that: this is about reclaiming my life. And that requires more than just drinking less with each coming week. I know lots of people who have quit drinking but did not reclaim their lives. I suppose its better than being a drunk. Maybe. But what an incredible opportunity this is for life-transforming growth.

I drink through triggers, not because I think it's going to make TSM work faster, or better, but because it is an integral part of becoming the "New Me". The new and improved, and much less tipsy . . .

Firebird

Man, unbelievable post. You are right, this is a tremendous opportunity. I've been thinking of it as an opportunity to re-build my "house." To look at my "house" superficially, it looks like a great house. But upon closer inspection, the foundation is rotten. And until I fix the rotten foundation, everything sitting on top of it is pretty weak and fairly useless.

Firebird,

You hit the nail on the head! It's like I just posted on the weekly progress thread - I no longer feel guilty about the time I spend here, because it is truly changing my life for the better. A miracle in progress, and probably one of the most incredible opportunities in my life. And "re-building" my life is replacing a crumbling foundation with a new one that will support not only me, but all the important people in my life.

And to think that this "therapy" is free - it's been, and continues to be priceless to me, as are all of you!

Perfect.

This is what Camelia said,

"I have begun to ask myself if I am addicted to two things - alcohol and the habit of drinking alcohol."

It makes alot of sense to me but is throwing up a major querry .
Addicted to the alcohol I see as the craving whereas if there's no craving there are still triggers or typical situations where I habitually drank
Now currently I drink on craving but tend not to on the rest ,
well is this right or should I increase my drinking ?
or am I going mad ?

I suspect that triggers without craving present a choice whether to drink in response to them. To me, that is the difference between addiction and non-addiction -- Whether we are slaves to our triggers.

elfern, if you are mad you have company here. My grandmother had a saying, "Everyone's crazy but me and thee and I sometimes wonder about thee."