Hi friends,

I found this website and I'm hopeful. I've been sober for a week and a half, mostly through the threat of antabuse and my wife. The first few days were good...the bliss. After a couple of days, the reality of not getting that rush and the things that I love about alchohol ever again started to set in. I'm nervous, tense and unsure - but sober because of the antabuse, obviously.

I drank 8-12 drinks 3-5 days a week for the last 15 years, although I have gradually gotten to that level.

My reason for wanting to quit is mainly that when I drink too much(usually exceeding my 12 or so)I can become irrational, and once, violent. Unfortunately, my wife is usually the target of the abuse. All but one time has been verbal abuse, and it's not all the time, but it scares me and I don't want to be that person. On the other hand, it's hard to imagine a life without booze. I do get something from it that enrichens my life, I do enjoy a lot of relationships that were developed over alchohol. It's scary to say "forever" and I dont' think I can do it.

My question is though, NAL is a long term solution. It takes months or years for the compulsion to be dispelled. Did you find your behaviour changing though as you went through the process? Did you do less "stupid" stuff? The things that get alcoholics in trouble? Like fighting with your wife and being abusive, specifically? I feel like I have to try NAL, but I'm afraid I'll lose my wife in the process. She said if I drink again, she'll leave me. I think she will tolerate me drinking again, but she will not tolerate another episode of the abusiveness. I know it. I'm walking a thin line, and I don't know that this long process of drinking until I retrain my brain is going to leave me married and it is the most important thing to me.

Any help is appreciated.