Deena and Jaba I think you are both doing really well from what you report, TSM has already changed things for the better for you both!! That is wonderful!! Celebrate that. Sometimes I think we overthink all the rest. Again, just my opinion. Newlife

That is the problem I am having with this entire process, for I am doing everything I can, but no feel good endorphins!

Which is the reason for the process, and I am afraid that if I do not feel anything "good" from af days what will happen? Something the book doesn't talk about. I feel better on the nal. before I drink, than I do off the nal. or on the nal. when I am drinking...does this make any sense?

Maybe I need to go a rollercoaster ride and become an adrenaline junkie

Jaba

Buy a motorcycle.

Now if I live in Cali. I would, but with the snow and the rain that we get here it would be in the garage more that I could ride it.

Besides, my kids wanted one and I told them with the way people text and drive you are better off trying to cross the expressway barefoot during rush hour! How would that look...I have already done enough "do as I say, not as I do" with them with my drinking...AND I have seen what happens to bikers after that crash...I worked in the E.R....I can still visualize the aftermath...

Jaba

Jaba: I think that maybe feeling "flat " or whatever is the price some have to pay to regain control. Once you feel comfortable then you can reduce your dose or whatever, but don't you feel that you are MUCH better off than you were pre-TSM? Newlife

TOO funny - but buying a motorcycle does not always help - I am proof of that - you are funny Steve ! This whole thread though has me thinking .....

I am not sure what I am reading - that we should just stay the same or watch our drinking ? That we should force AF days ? My trouble is that I never really was all that bad pre Nal - but do not seem to be where I need or want to be yet ..... I just seem to be in limbo pretty much - SO do I keep going and eventually hope that the Nal works without me doing anything? This week I have yet to have an AF day ..... and each day have been drinking either 4 or 5 Guinness - but will not drink more than that - and have also not had a Nal-Over yet either recently! I was really grumpy today and have no idea what that was about ....I suppose AL cannot be blamed for everything - right ?

I do not know where I am heading with this - should I force the AF days ? I think sometimes that I will just keep going along as I was and when the Nal finally works, then so be it.

Not sure what else I can think of today - nothing else seems to be working......

Hugs, Maggie x

You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for the conversation. I did good up until this Tuesday with staying true to ABS on "school/work" nights. I was too "Nal-over" to drink on Saturday or Sunday. Monday was Labor Day in US. We went to a friends house for a lake party. I was happy that my plan was to be the designated driver and stay sober. When I got there, one of my old AA buddies was present - she was a catalyst to staying sober out of respect. But...everyone was drinking except us. I went inside to go to the bathroom and looked all around for something to drink, but everything was at the dock. So, I was able to maintain and did not drink that day (thank you God). On Tuesday, I had a stressful day at work and decided to opt for a glass of wine. Did not take my Nal (shame on me), but only had one glass (how I do not know). Tonight is Wednesday, and I started thinking about drinking at about 3pm. I went ahead and took 25mg of Nal. I have had a couple of drinks. Not happy with myself. I was doing sooooo good and things in my life were so perfect without the drink. What the heck?! I do not intend to drink any more. I want to put my kids to bed sober with the house all in order and read a chapter of my favorite book before going to bed. I do not want to revert! I feel like I have made such great progress! What is it about this situation that is so baffling?! Perhaps all of the days of ABS and not taking the Nal due to not drinking has allowed craving to creep back in. I have been able to overcome most of the past 30 days, but the urge tonight was like the old days. So what do you do? Take a little Nal each day to maintain?

Maggie,

If you have to take something to force an af day...DON'T HAVE ONE! If you are drinking more after an af day... DON'T HAVE ONE! If you feel that an af day is coming natural to you DO HAVE ONE!

It is okay to occasionally see how hard it is to do an af day, but it should come naturally from the process of extinction.

When I said I was not ready to do an af day until a couple of weeks ago, I was not exaggerating. I would have af days from nal overs but when I felt better and if I continued with trying to have an af days I would end up drinking more my next drinking secession which would cause another nal. over and another af day. Once I stopped having af. days from nal. overs and I continued drinking but slowed down my drinking, is when I realized I could do an af day.

I hope this make sense,

Jaba

Hickergirl,

The more that I research it the more that I am aware of nothing!

I do know you should not be forcing these af days. They should be coming naturally. And try to slow down your drinking, and drink water in between glasses, and write how you feel about that al. in the glass. See how long you can stretch out that drink to last, and try to put time in between the next one.

I still am forcing myself a limit; however, af days are becoming easier. Last week after my af days I forced myself to stop a 2 1/2, I wanted more, but I didn't want a nal. over. But that is not how it should be done, I guess.

Like we have been saying, this is not black and white, and a lot of it is grey.

Do not be mad at yourself for drinking without the nal., or for drinking the wine tonight.

For tomorrow is another day,

Jaba

Thanks Jaba...so easy to beat yourself up after a good run. I agree that prolonging it by drinking water is a great idea. I am stopping now and going on water alone. I appreciate the advice and support!