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Hi Everyone!
I am excited to share with y'all my reflections on the many things I've learned after TWO YEARS on nal.
If you read nothing else in this post, here’s what I’ve learned in my two years of this journey, both from my own, and the experience of others here.
It’s different for everyone. Wait, no it’s not. A lot of us have common experiences, and some of us go through the exact same stuff. But there are many “types” of drinkers, and nal can be different for different people. Don’t be discouraged by the seemingly miraculous and fast progress of others. Some of us are harder drinkers than others and have more territory to cover. If you are like me and have a long way to go, I promise that it will be more rewarding and transformative than for those people who seem to pop a few pills and never want another sip of alcohol. I’ve never read Eskarpa’s book, but I’ve heard he claims a “two month cure.” For me, that’s a d*mned joke.
Respect the golden rule... and there are a ton more useful rules. If you find yourself plateauing and unable to decrease your drinking, drop your octane. Drink wine instead of whiskey, then beer instead of wine, and finally drink Miller 64. It's hard for me to get very drunk on nal+Miller64. Try having a Coca-Cola (NO DIET. TREAT YOURSELF). Sometimes just drinking SOMETHING is enough to distract you. You can always go back to beer after that coke. Try to link AF days together. Do something with your newfound clarity. Exercise more if it’ll make you feel good. Play squash. Go outside. Replace your drinking with real life so you don’t get bored!
Nal won’t cure you. Nal WILL take away the endorphin high that you get when you drink. It won’t keep alcohol from relaxing you. It won’t keep alcohol from loosening your inhibitions. It won’t take away every single thing that draws you to the bottle. But taking away the endorphin rush gives you a weapon that can turn the tide. If you are like me, you are going to have to reinvent your life. It’s a lot of work. Nal doesn’t do it for you, but it gives you the power to take control.
Now my new testimonial about my progress. I took my first dose of nal in mid-March of 2012. I want to call my last weekend off nal a doozy, but it was pretty common for me. After strong drinking on Thur-Sat, I woke up Sunday morning with what I used to think was a hangover, but I now recognize as serious alcohol withdrawal. I had trouble seeing and my brain was doing this thing I called "the record skipping," which is really hard to explain... but was an immediate, jarring, and terrifying change in mental state. An acute switch between fuzzy disconnectedness and hyper-awareness that made me feel like there was something wrong inside my head. I woke up in a puddle of my own urine, which was usually enough to make my wife FORCE me to keep it to one bottle of wine for the day. One bottle was enough to keep the record from skipping. But I had an online fantasy baseball draft that day, and so drinking was compulsory. Any excuse really. My wife left, disgusted, to go work out, and begged me not to get too drunk while she was gone.
I record skipped down to the safeway and bought some 24oz cans of PBR. Two spots behind me in line, a man 20 years older than me had the same three tall cans in his basket. He was clearly ravaged by more years of my favorite hobby than I had been through. He was hunched over and sunburnt and greasy from either living or spending too much time outdoors and not enough showers. I chuckled at the fact that we had the exact same purchases, and stashed the story away to tell my drinking buddies later.
I had planned the three cans as my only drinks for the draft. To be clear, I was alone in my house, just drafting online and chatting on a google hangout with old drinking buddies. Just under an hour later, the beer was all gone. The record wasn't skipping, but I still felt sh*tty and so headed for the cupboard. In those days I had acute knowledge of exactly how much booze was in the house. How much beer, wine, hard liquor, or even vermouth or triple sec. There was never much because the good stuff went fast and in a pinch, a few tall glasses of triple sec would do quite nicely to take the edge off. I grabbed the full bottle of tequila that was my wife's and headed back to my draft. One or two shots became four or five, and before I knew it the 750ml bottle was gone. Somewhere in there my internet had disconnected so I was all alone in a room drinking. I was too drunk to reset the router, but not too drunk to keep drinking. After finishing the bottle of Tequila, I knew there was still about 200ml of rum in that cabinet and I went for it. I took a heavy swig off the bottle, which made me vomit in the sink. This must have been around 3pm, but I am not sure. I waited a few minutes and then poured a little sprite into the rum bottle before taking another pull. I could barely stand up, but was finally feeling great.
I went to the couch, put on some television and passed out. I don't know when my wife got home, but when I woke up it was dark. 9pm. After a 5 hour "nap" I still couldn't feign any semblance of sobriety. The empty bottles told my story and my wife was beyond disappointed, yet sadly unsurprised.
My nal journey began later that week. Here are my milestones:
After 1 day: I stopped the all-day drinking that happened on Saturdays and Sundays. It just magically stopped happening on day 1.
After 3 days: I told my wife "I think it's working." She amazingly agreed. The Crazy eye was gone.
After 6 months: I started to link together AF days and enjoy it.
After 1 year: All my weeknights became AF by default. This is when things really started to change. My work got better and I became much more ambitious about the future.
After 2 years: Coming here is the only thing that reminds me of what I used to be like. What I would be like tomorrow without my nal. I’m trying to get vigorous exercise 5 days a week. Unheard of in my drinking days. My wife hasn’t asked me to slow down my drinking in months and months. I don’t endanger myself. Last night I pitched an idea for a startup company to a room full of venture capitalists with a combined net worth of around 40 Billion dollars. To celebrate, I selected a bottle of wine from our pretty extensive library, though honestly I have no idea how many bottles we have. My wife and I drank it together. I’m NOT normal. I’m a f*cking boozebag that has a tool that gives him his life back.
I wish you all the best, and keep up the good work everyone.
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Former out of control, literally fall-down and piss-yourself Black Label fiend. First dose of Nal 3/29/2012. Transformation became undeniable on 5/18/2013. The bottle used to scream my name, but now it has shut up.
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