Thanks Bob for the instructions on cutting the pill to smaller and smaller doses! I agree about the whole venting thing. We all need to do it, and thank goodness someone on this list is right there to root us on. I also love the sense of humor that goes on here. I know this is kind of off topic, but Bob, I don't know if you are still on Buspar, but I was on it for quite some time, and one thing I disliked was the first 30 minutes or so right after taking it because I felt like I was on a slow carnival ride. It went away after that, but I always hated the first half hour. One way I found to deal with it was that I always got up at night to go to the bathroom, and it seemed that one of those times always was about an hour or half hour before I had to get up in the morning. So I started taking my morning dose at that time and then went back to sleep for that half hour or hour before I got up. It was nice because then I just basically "slept" through that first 30 minutes and I could get up and feel better than trying to get ready for work while feeling out of it. In the evening I took half the morning amount and for some reason it didn't have the same effect. Anyway, it was a way for me to not have to feel the uptake of that morning dose of buspar.

Yes, I am in the process of replacing Valium with Buspar, since Buspar is not a benzodiazepine, it is an anxiolytic, it is non-addictive, and it counters the sexual side effects of SSRI's. It's funny you describe the first 30 minutes as a slow carnival ride. I remember that feeling well, when I used to take them 15mg at a time. I used to tell people, hold on, I have to take my "Pill-that-makes-me-Stupid". Now I take 10mg doses scattered through the day and I hardly notice the Buspar anymore. I remember once taking a 30mg pill at one time and in the next hour i couldn't remember where I was, what I was doing, the flow of conversation... really out-of-it. Plus I got flash sweats.

Well last night, I had trouble with beer #1, beer #2, beer #3 and almost couldn't finish beer #4. Then after an hour, I had no problem with beer #5 and beer #6. I actually felt like stopping after each of the first 4 beers and finally did after the 4th. But then that feeling faded and I resumed. I hope this continues as a trend. It would be nice to take my Naltrexone, wait one hour, then have 1 beer and stop for the day. I think I will be there one day as long as I persevere.

Bob

After the GREAT OUTAGE:
2 AF days.

1 failed AF day today, after I had wanted a third AF day...
turned into a bad day... racing thoughts, hyperactive, aggressive driving (my truck has a speed limiter of 105MPH based on tire rating), holding of breath, numbness... and finally decided that today would be a Nal day after I got home.

Thus, it was a Nal day.
And a six pack day.
And that was it.

By jove mate - I think you got it!

Well I lost my initial post. After always taking precautions!

Awww Bob, I feel so badly that you have to go through this sh*t - but the good news is, in spite of the manic disorder, you ARE reducing your AL consumption. I'm really praying that baclofen will be the answer to your other issues. (Just realized. . .I'm tending of late to once again feel more connected to, and prone to call on, God/Spirit.)

Bob,

Considering all you have to deal with, I think you're doing great - you're really quite an inspiration!

What an nice and encouraging thing to say! You made me smile.

Bob

Hey Bob. I didn't tell you this, but my best friend -- my dad -- who recently died, was diagnosed with manic-depression at 65. The last 12 years of his life were HELL! (Three hospitalizations (excluding one for stroke), two court proceedings, a suicide attempt, a divorce after 40 years of a great marriage, etc.) And unlike you, get this: he refused all medication! And guess what he did for a living? He was a psychiatrist! How about that?? Anyway, I have had a close-up and personal viewing of some of what you have had to deal with and wish you the best.

Thanks, Nick. I am very sorry for the loss of your friend, your father.

I understand that those who do not have mental illness may lump all such mental maladies together and probably rightfully so. I've had 4 suicide attempts; I am manic only; I do not even understand depression at all; the suicide attempts were never because I felt unhappy or worthless; it was to stop the cacophony of voices, music, and sounds, to stop the never ending racing thoughts, to finally have peace.

Enough of that. I have meds that fix it. I believe that the appropriate chemicals will help, when I find the right one. Your dad obviously knew how hard it is to find the right cocktail of drugs to fix the problem and was unwilling to go through the hell it takes to find that combination.

Unfortunately, some of the meds may interfere with TSM. But I am executing a plan to substitute Valium for a non-benzo and continue my TSM. Like SpringerRider says: "Nal works whether you want it to or not". And it will eventually work. I am quite convinced.

It will work for all of us.

Bob