Maggie I thought she was just making a funny comment about the mad cow disease; but then I don't really understand the context of "knackered" either; I was interpreting it sort of like "screwed". In other words - well I am screwed, being from the UK I must have mad cow disease?

I'm sure she'll explain next time she visits.

My mother in law is NOT from the UK but mad cow disease would be an understatement of her mental condition. LOL.

Newlife

Don't you love the way that we always seem to get so off topic ????

Hugs, Maggie x

Yes, sort of like "Down the Rabbit Hole"!! But we have to keep laughing or we would not survive this. Newlife

I also use the word 'knackered' to mean goofed up, messed up, hopeless. A bit like a broken machine, there is no hope for it. 40 years a UK resident.

My Mum said she feels bad for buying cheap beef burgers for us when we were children.

I also have a strange sense of humour, my husband called it a "mad sense of humour", so there you go, complete proof that I must be a mad cow.

English speakers who've lived in the US I find have a slight roundiness to their accent, soon goes away once they are back with us.

I thought you might be referring to the knackers yard! As I am definitely a mad cow, I'm probably heading in that direction!!

Hi Everyone,
This last week I went completely off the rails. Only 2 AF days and units as high as prior to my start. I had been doing very well as you know. More legal troubles from my ex, business problems etc., etc. I know that drinking does not mitigate these problems one bit; it only makes them worse. I don't know if I'm ambivalent or what. I feet so much better when I have a solid month of an abundance of AF days and steadily decreasing units. Has anyone else had a blowout like this after months of progress? I'm at about 8 1/2 moths of TSM. Year anniversary will be mid October. I'm just shocked at my poor choices last week.
Remorseful Retread

Retread,

I am sorry to hear you had a bad week and you went back to your old habits. I am not as far as long as you, but I know that I have read in other's progress it has happened and it can happen to any of us. I have found that once I drink past a certain point my brain screams for more, so maybe that is what happened to you along with the stress of the legal issues? Something I have to remind myself every time I drink is that at any moment that strong desire can come back, and if I drink more that 2-glass of wine the likelihood is greater that it will. I feel I have to be on my toes at all times.

But let us look at the positive:

1) you have been complaint and waited the hour after taking pill
2) you realized your numbers have increased
3) and you are reaching out for help.

So, one thing that comes to mind that someone had said here is the nal. cannot slap that glass out of your hand, only you can do that.

I believe you will be able to get back on track, you just need to do more mindful drinking and remember that the nal. is a tool not a magic pill.

You have made great progress and you will get back there I know you can.

I hope someone with more experience will reach out to you, in the meantime keep the faith,

Jaba

Retread - I really feel for you - my numbers are all over the place. I wasn't doing as well as you but about three weeks ago I had such a good week - I actually didn't want to drink -then it all went pear shaped after that! So. I do think it ebbs and flows - and yes it is hard when it gets bad again - I do understand where you are coming from - but at least you know what is possible - it will happen again - just hang in there and keep the faith!!

Hugs to you, Maggie x

That depends what you mean by blow out.

I was lucky enough to have a good reason to not drink any alcohol, or very little from around the 8 month mark (preparing for serious competition where diet is EVERYTHING) so there was a sort of external 'rule' for me which overrode everything else. Don't get me wrong, pre TSM I could not apply this rule whatsoever.

I did find throughout my TSM that when I did drink, there were occasions when I could drink more if I decided to. It didn't feel like out of control drinking, more a sort of "Well hell I'm going to".

So my first question would be is this you deciding "Hell I'm stressed/whatever I'm going to drink and 'enjoy' it", or is it sheer out of control alcoholism where you have zero choice?

When I released my self-imposed 'no drinking' rule after my competitions YES I got drunk, however my lifestyle had also changed/alcohol wasn't part of it so it was reserved to when I went out or decided to 'enjoy' myself.

What I did notice was that these sessions were unpleasant, old behaviours started creeping back in (I could become very closed and stroppy when drinking and a bit 'wierd').

I had a few nights even at the 2 year of TSM mark where I drank 10-15 UK units, which is more than enough to render a small female drunk. This was never anywhere near my 30 UK units per session/day when pre-TSM but that was unsustainable and I never ever went back to that level at anytime during TSM.

I do think that new triggers do pop up throughout the TSM process, some will trip you up, some will not.

I'd say that even at 8 1/2 months there are still bumps to come so don't be disheartened.

If you do really get fed up of the higher numbers, and enjoy AF time, you might try going AF long term.

Sorry to hear it retread. But don't give up!! Nal on!! Newlife