Normally I council sharing with signif others but maybe that is entirely too simplistic. I get not wanting to share an embarrassing personal handicap that you have been covering up for years. And guys are not always good listeners. We always want to fix stuff. Right or wrong, your elaborate subterfuge to stick to the golden rule was SO much more honorable than sneaking upstairs to a hidden bottle. I certainly applaud you.

Steve

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Dee - your post was amazing - you were so good regarding the golden rule - I laughed at hubs scratching his head and wondering what on earth was going on and I also understand more now why you do not want to say anything to hubs about the Nal - my heart rate went up reading about the Nal coming in the post and you having to get it with hubs there and then hearing him come down the stairs- WHEW! I am so proud of you for waiting that hour though when you went out - that was amazing. And also - please do not ever worry about typing too much and us not wanting to read it - we are all in the same boat and often we need to read what others are doing and how they are doing it - it really helps, trust me !

Newlife and Jaba - you are SO lucky to be able to take the bio identical hormones! I can not - and wish I could. Although to be honest when I do not drink, the sweats pretty much go away - still get one now and then but if I have 5 drinks, I am guaranteed a sweaty night ! So it is more the AL than hormones - although some days I will get them during the day and then know it is hormones not the AL ! Had one yesterday at work - OMG - wanted to walk in a freezer !

Anyway, have a great Sunday all, Hugs, Maggie x

Steve, my husband's worst fault is that he is a "fixer". He often says that he can't help it, he just wants things to be good for "his girls". (By his girls he means our three daughters and me). I often say to him when starting out a conversation that I am not looking for a fix, just want to kvetch. We laugh about it and he gets it and he tries. His basic instinct, though, is to fix. I think it is a Venus/Mars thing. I wish being a fixer was my worst fault! I love my husband and share everything (except TSM) with him. I have always thought of myself as a very honest person, but since the first time I hid a bottle of vodka in my closet, I have felt like a liar and a cheat. So, as dishonest as this makes me feel, I am used to that feeling now.

So, if I told my husband about the nal, here is what would happen. He would be supportive, proud of me, and he would try to help. He would try not to, but he wouldn't be able to help himself. I would get pissed and and say forget about it and I would be destructive by going back to my old drinking pattern. So, as dishonest as this feels, I know myself and him well enough to know exactly what would happen. Ocean said exactly what I needed to hear. It is ok for me to be selfish about this. I am trying to save myself and if that means I have to be dishonest with my husband, so be it. In the end, if I am healthy, everyone is better off.

Jaba, even though I have never used the word alcoholic with my husband, he knows I have a problem with alcohol. I may never have embarrassed him in a work situation but he has certainly seen me drink way too much with friends and family. He was there for my first black out on Mother's Day two (or was it three?) years ago. He has had me apologize to him the next day for horrible things I said to him while I was drunk. Horrible, horrible things. Why this wonderful man continues to love me, I have no idea. I am just grateful that he does. He will totally understand why I chose to do this alone. Well, not alone. I have you.

Maggie, when going through menopause and dealing with all that went with it, acupuncture helped me tremendously. I tried wild yam root or something for awhile but it didn't help like acupuncture did. If that is something that is available to you, it might be worth a shot.

I just counted up my units for this week. 18 and 1 A/F. I hope this is the start of something good.

Steve, did you say on one thread that the nal won't knock the glass out of your hand? That line gave me just the slap I needed. Maybe nal won't slap the glass out of your hand, but Steve will!

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Deena, congratulations on a great week!

My story is similar to yours. On the day that the post office tracking website said the pills were coming, I camped out by the door to meet the postman so that my wife wouldn't sign for my pills and ask me what they were. I was embarrassed and nervous about having to explain it to her.

After a few days I asked her to read the article in The Atlantic that had introduced me to TSM: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... us/386255/ and explained to her that I had already started. It was a weight off of my shoulders. The difference between you and I is that my wife knew I had a problem, and it sounds like you don't think your husband does. I will tell you that it feels a lot better to have someone you love knowing what you are working towards and being there to support you.....

Well done those numbers, Deena!
Ocean's logic and your brilliant narrative certainly made me think and see a diff perspective. The graphic story of everyday drama in the life of you was spellbinding writing and oddly great fun. Thanks.
Steve.

Deena - thanks for the advice re the acupuncture but I had it a while ago and the chap hit TWO nerves- the back of my hand was numb for about 5 weeks after it and I had tingling in my ankle and leg from the foot one for about a month - I will NEVER have it again!!!!! He obviously didn't know what he was doing - but it makes no difference - I will not do that again! But thanks for the suggestion!

Way to go on your intake this week! GREAT !!

Hugs, Maggie x

Yikes, Maggie! That acupuncturist should be shot! My acupuncturist is the best. She is so intuitive that I walked in for a treatment with her and she asked "are you pregnant?". I was six weeks pregnant. Obviously that was many years ago, and I still see her.She is amazing. I credit her for the fact that, despite my alcohol intake, I have remained so healthy.

Danzig, congratulations on sharing with your wife and having her support. I am looking forward to that day. If you reread my last few posts on this thread you will see that I do not think that my husband does not know I have a problem. He absolutely does. I have just never used the word alcoholic and I have hidden much of my drinking from him. He knows that alcohol is an issue for me but I do not want him to try to "help" me with this. I want him to just notice one day how much better I am. Then I will spill.

Hmmm...brilliant narrative, spellbinding...Steve, I think you are messing with me.

Thanks to everyone for congrats on my numbers. I am very pleased.