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LOL !!!!!

That is priceless, Jaba! Just so you know, I can sense it when a computer has been turned off!

Jaba, quite funny about turning off the computer. So true. If only I could turn off people like my mother-in-law when they begin to annoy me. LOL I STILL have not figured out how I am ever going to be able to survive things like dinner at her house or God Forbid a party in her honor without AL. I know you will think I am exaggerating but you would have to meet her. She is like the Jane Fonda character in Monster-in-Law, except 100 times worse. I married her little boy and stole him away from her, and for that I must be punished. Good grief.

Steve - don't read this next part, it will annoy you. I also have the sweating problem; generally a good sleeper but I can certainly tell if I have been drinking, it affects my sleep horribly if I go over one or two drinks. But the sweating I don't really attribute to the nal; I attribute it to hormones. I am experimenting with hormone replacement therapy; bioidentical hormones prescribed by my holisitic doctor. I am taking both estrogen and progesterone and they have helped tremendously with both sleep and sweating, but it has been a long road of testing levels and readjusting the ratio. Still not perfect. What can we do? Not fun.

I am glad to see all the new posters being so active on the forum. I worry a little that you will be discouraged by the fact that Maggie and I are still here and still having to work so hard. BUT everyone is different and it is important to know that for some of us this is a long term deal. Not all of us can be as lucky as Steve.

Now back to white knuckling for this evening.............just kidding, really.........LOL Newlife

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Jaba, your post is so very sweet. And as I posted on the other thread, it was not so bad so thank you all. Feel marvelous today. I hope your experience was OK too, and everyone else's.

Maybe Jaba and I should start a forum about MILs. Everything you say sounds all too familiar, except the supportive husband. Mine can only get there to a point. That makes it tough.

Thanks again for your words. xoxo Newlife

I am on my way out and will reply further later - but if I could have designed my MIL - there is nothing I would change - my hubs always says that she likes me better than him - LOL Jaba - cannot believe that your MIL introduced you as the only mistake her son ever made - UNBELIEVABLE - poor you !!!!!

Back later - hugs to all,

Maggie x

I think the majority of people can understand the torment of family gatherings whether they are alcoholics or not. Of course in my family most of us would all be drunk by 6PM and it wouldn't matter much after that. Then as some sobered up over the years they learned just to leave early LOL.

Dee, I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping this to yourself for now ore forever if that's what it takes. My personal believe is that we as recovering alcoholics have to be a little bit selfish. It's my belief that we have to do this for ourselves and only for ourselves at all cost because the other side has gotten to a point where it's so out of control it's dangerous and even deadly. We are essentially saving our own lives. In doing so, once the dust settles, it will then be a benefit for all of our loved ones and the people around us.

So for now just do what you got to do to get better. Period.

I found some irony in your posts and others here as it relates to my own situation. With alcohol my wife and I would argue all too often, now that I have not been drunk in two and a half months we have not had one argument since. Because of this among other things that I am too ashamed of telling now my wife and I sought out counseling. Coincidentally during that time I learned about TSM from the Atlantic article. I researched the hell out of it all on my own. Called a few local treatment places who were not at all interested in TSM and finally ordered the drugs online under the table so to speak. I took my first dose all by myself. I had mentioned it to my councilor and later even to my wife but I started the program all on my own because I was unsure of it. Even though I read all the published scientific peer reviewed articles I am so skeptical by nature that I thought it was snake oil and I didn't want to get my hopes up and the hopes of others only to fail. So I kept it quiet. My wife now knows and of course as such has gone into doing her own research on it and you know how that goes. If you simply bump your toe and then Google 'my toe hurts' then the Internet will convince you that you only have one week to live But anyway in time you will make the right choice whether to share or not.

My suggestion is to experiment with lower doses. For me and a lot of others here 1/4 tab of 12.5mg is enough to completely block 'the chase.' If I know I am going to be up late and out all night then I'll take a half. Others who have gone through TSM till they feel cured then go back from 50mg to 12.5 on the occasional night that they might drink.

Unfortunately TSM and it's dosage and schedule work different for everyone. I tend to see it work in groups or categories of people. I'm in the low dose group, you may not be, but it may be worth a try. Just be careful and experiment. If you take 1/4 and wait an hour and have a drink and feel that high and that chase then you may need to take another quarter and force yourself to not drink for an additional hour.

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That woman would have been dead to me right then and there! Ugh! I was blessed with two wonderful mother-in-laws. My first one and I had a bit of a rough patch when her son and I got divorced but worked it out over time.

Ocean, it has taken me a couple of days to respond to your post here because it touched me so deeply. I had to fully absorb it, and stop the sniveling and crying so I could type. So, I am bucking up and coming clean about why I have not shared with my husband that I am using nal. The very first time I have ever said to anyone other than myself that I am an alcoholic was the day I typed it here on this forum. My husband obviously knows that I have drinking issues, although, because he travels so much, he really does not have an idea of just how much I drink. I drink a lot more when I am alone. I am able to control my drinking when out with him at business dinners, etc. When we get home, though, he is tired and goes to bed and I sit downstairs and get plastered without his knowledge. I started hiding alcohol upstairs so that if we were having a bottle of wine with dinner, I could supplement by running upstairs and having a shot of vodka. So, on nights when he thought I might have had three drinks, I probably had 5, 6, or more. So, to tell him about the nal, I would have to say those dreaded words to him, and I just can't. I know I am going to have to say them at some point, but I want it to be when I am better. I know he would be supportive but he would try to help and I don't think I could handle that. I ordered the nal online and have told nobody. It was kind of funny yesterday...I ordered a six month supply and timed the order so that it would arrive while he was away. It didn't show. My husband runs out to get the mail as soon as it gets here and I was scared it would come yesterday. My husband was in the bathroom when the mail came and I ran outside and there was the nal with "medication for personal use" marked all over it. As I was bringing it into the house I heard him coming downstairs. I stashed it in the garage and had to go and get it later to put away. I felt sick at the subterfuge but I know it is for the best. I do feel a little selfish, and your comment regarding that being okay meant so much to me, Ocean. Thank you. My counselors in this process have been the participants in this forum and I am beyond grateful for each of you, no matter where you are in this struggle.

Not telling my husband has presented some interesting problems. Yesterday my husband was working from home in the morning and then took the rest of the day off. He told me that he had a surprise for me and had reservations for a nice lunch. Great! We never drink with lunch unless we are on vacation so I did not give nal a thought. As we were driving and took an exit, I knew where he was taking me! There is a lovely winery not too far from our house and they have a wonderful restaurant. It was a beautiful day here and they have outside seating on a veranda. I panicked. What if they came around with a taste of one of their new wines? I got into my purse, digging for a nal and took it right in front of him. I told him I was getting a bit of a headache and took an exedrine just in case. I checked the time. We got to the restaurant 20 minutes later, a couple of minutes before our reservation. When we checked in the hostess mentioned that my husband had made a reservation for a wine tasting lunch. I asked if it was ok if we walked through some of their gardens before we ate. She said sure. Slowly, I strolled through the gardens, killing time. My husband and I were both starving so he was scratching his head. Finally they came to get us to bring us to our table. 40 minutes the nal had been in me. I had to stop in the bathroom and killed time in there. I had to look very carefully over the menu. I had a hard time choosing which three wines I wanted to taste. Could the waiter come back? By the time our wine came, I was 55 minutes in. There of course, is the mandatory breathing time, so I made it. Not once did I think about cheating by even one moment. So, I had six ounces of wine with lunch. Usually that would mean I would want to continue drinking. I didn't. We came home and sat by the pool and read. I am usually the one who suggests a drink while we are sitting there but I didn't. At about 5:30, five hours after my first drink, I had a beer at my husband's suggestion. Wow, maybe things are changing!

I have a lot of stuff to write and I do not expect any of you to read through it and find it fascinating. I have to write it down, though, so I can come back to it some day.

I am beginning to understand a little bit what drives my drinking. I know that once I hit the point that I have had "too much", I am not going to want to stop. That is just it. I think that is typical of an alcoholic. I do think, however, that drinking is more of a habit for me than anything. When I have an alcohol free day, I do not white knuckle it. Once I make the decision I am ok with it. Done. Decide to give it up altogether then? Not so fast. That would put me into a panic. I hope to get to the point that I don't reach for that evening glass out of habit and when I can not think twice about having a glass of wine or two at a social event without feeling like I have to continue to drink.

My side effects do not seem as bad now. I have been afraid to lower the dose because I have not seen a big change in my drinking. I realized yesterday that on Thursdays I volunteer for a program at a homeless shelter. The program is from 6:30 to 7:30 and I get home around 8:00. I used to keep the nal in my pocket and take it at 6:55 on the dot. Then I started taking it in the car at 7:30. Then I started taking it when I got home and waiting until 9:00 for that first drink. I guess that is progress.

Last Thursday was the last meeting with this particular group at the homeless shelter and the woman I had been sponsoring for six months did not show up for her graduation. I was left with a gift and flowers for her. It was embarrassing and annoying and I wanted a drink. I took the nal in the car but waited until 9:15 when my husband got home to have a drink. That was hard 45 minutes to wait and that was when I realized how much of a comfort alcohol is to me when I am feeling emotional in any way. I also realize that using alcohol as a comfort is a habit for me. When I have had a bad day, the first swallows of al are going to relieve a lot of tension for me. I need to find something else that comforts me in the same way. A hot bath maybe? That needs to become the habit I turn to.