A touching story, Nick. I only hope that if something like that ever happens to me I will be blessed with a care-taker as caring as you evidently were.

But wait a minute! How can this be? According to AA guru-ism, all of us alkie are selfish and self-centered. . .

Nick, this story hit home for me. I stopped working in 84 to take care of my ailing father. Short version it was a daily ongoing illness with dementia. He was in a convalescent home for 6 years before his death and I would arrive at 9 a.m. along with my mother and we would stay til 5:00 p.m. 7 days a week. I wasn't drinking back then but the anxiety was through the roof and that is when I got on the benzo's. I was diagnosed with ov. ca. in 91 and had a complete hysterectomy and was lucky to make it through. My father died in 92 and right after his death my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I took care of her at home up til the day of her death in 93 so I do understand your loss and feelings. My mother was my best friend. I fell apart and don't really remember much of the next three years. So happy that you were able to do what you did for your Dad. My brother was unable to do a thing, he just could not handle it. My brothers wife died and my brother fell apart in 97. Again, I took care of my brother who had a breakdown. Got him back on his feet and he re-married. In the meantime I got divorced! Brother again went missing from my life until his second wife died 8 years later and again he had a breakdown. I once again took care of him and this time it was different, finally we were becoming close for the very first time. My brother was 14 yrs. older than me. Six months after the death of his second wife he suddenly without warning dropped dead at his home. My father and brother were both alcoholics. Wow, didn't plan on saying all of this but I guess it is how I got to where I am today. I don't have any family left except for my nephew who just can not seem to be close due to all of the tragedy in his young life. I think when he looks at me he just sees all these deaths.

Just occurred to me that I didn't post a progress report. It seems I keep hovering at the 50 upw mark - haven't been able to get that lower yet. But there is progress. For one thing, I find myself wanting to use smaller glasses than I have been for a long time. Before, I always used the biggest wine glass I could find (and bought 'em big!) and filled it to within an inch of the top. Now I'm using regular 5 oz. glasses, and am not tempted to 'go big.' Though the desire to drink is still there, I truly don't have that strong drive to pump that crap into my system, as I did before. It's as though I've still got my foot on the accelerator, but the engine is not all revved up.

Since beginning TSM I had not been suffering hangovers or brain fogs as I used to. But lately, that's changing. The last few times I've drank, though not to great excess (for me), I've got up feeling totally trashed the next morning - as though I'd been on a real bender. No fun 't all.

Last night I drank 7 (5 oz.) glasses of wine over as many hours. Had 3 glasses in the afternoon/early evening, drank very slowly, then went out to dinner with my son and his wife. We ate and visited for almost two hours, and I and had a hard time finishing my second glass of excellent chardonnay. I didn't feel drunk at all. We came home, and I started watching a really good, 3-hour long movie. Was up past midnight, and drank two more (small) glasses. I was not drunk, and recalled the whole movie this morning. (I can't always do that when sober. ) BUT. This morning I felt totally trashed, as though I'd drunk a gallon of wine, solo.

I wonder if the naltrexone is making me more sensitive to the unhealthy components of the alcohol? Anyone else experience this, where hangovers and brain fogs disappear for awhile, then come back even though drinking levels are less than at the beginning?

Before I start, let me congratulate you.

I have only had one hangover since TSM. I don't seem to get them anymore but I don't drink in high volume and left hard liquor, for the most part. Two weeks ago, I had three Matinnis while on a business trip. Didn't feel a thing the next morning. Three martinis used to be nothing.

Whatever the case, keep in the game. It is the only game in town!

Another week gone by. Ugh! I had thought that after 4 months I'd have more of a handle on this beast. I've only had one AF day so far - that's going to change tonight. BF is golfing till 8 or so, and usually I'd be home alone, drinking and fixing a late supper. But tonight a long-time, non-drinking friend is coming over to play with the horses with me, have supper, and spend the night. I am SO looking forward to doing this - it used to be the norm, but went by the wayside more and more as drinking took up all my evenings (and some of my days).

My units are down about 20 per week, on average, over pre-Sinclair. Overall that doesn't seem like much, as I'm still drinking way over safe levels. I'm unhappy that there's been no visible progress for about 3 weeks. But when I think of how differently I respond to AL, and how much better I feel - emotionally and physically - I'm deeply grateful for the improvement. Even the way I respond to stressful events has improved. I still go for a drink, but don't get moved to complete hopelessness and despair. (A number of situations have started to straighten themselves out. . .so there's less overall stress.) Still, there used to be times when the least trigger would send me over the edge. This week I survived having to write out a BIG check to my deadbeat ex-husband without having a meltdown. My blood bubbled, but didn't boil. . . (I did put in a short note saying I had to borrow the money from my BF not true, and I hoped that made him very proud of himself.) Couldn't hep mesef.

We used to go to this little bar 3-4X a week and drink with heavy drinking friends. These days that's not so appealing, and we're either staying home or going to a more 'neutral' place. While we still like our friends, we see clearly that there are toxic elements to their relationships/behaviors, a lot of childish squabbles and drama, and have decided to distance ourselves from that at least for awhile. It's definitely "Time for. . .a cool change. . ." SR, did you find old drinking friends less endearing/funny at some point? Just curious if this is a common denominator as our brains start changing and we get a clearer perspective on things.

SpringRider, I'm glad you admitted on another thread that you experienced doubts at about this point. That wasn't so long ago for you, was it? Was that at least partly why you stopped posting for awhile, so as not to discourage others? I think if you have time, and the inclination, to elaborate on this specific part of your journey it will be helpful to those of us - KrazyKris, houtx, W2E, Camelia, (others?) - who are three or four months in, and still not seeing dramatic changes.

I just finished reading my own progress report thread, to remind myself about what the journey has been like from the beginning. I had quite a honeymoon there at first, and was walking on cloud 9 anticipating a fast recovery. Didn't happen. This week (18) my craving and drinking spiked up to 64 units. Yikes! No discernible reason - I just had a lot of strong cravings.

I have had a backup plan of adding baclofen to the mix to see if that hastens results. Talked it over with my BF last night, and he convinced me that should be an absolutely last resort. . .like after a year or so, if at all. So I'm not going there, though I had already ordered it online. Anyone need a supply?

Since I had to have gastric bypass several years after having a non-functional thyroid diagnosed, my absorption of food and medicines is not optimal (to put it mildly). Our new poster mcwis pointed to a study that suggests women metabolize naltrexone less efficiently than men. That, taken together with the above, has convinced me to increase my dosage levels and see how it goes. It may well be that I need a 75mg. or 100mg. dose to get the effect most people get with 50mg. I need to take my bio-identical HRT transdermally b/c of gastric absorption issues, I take my B supplements sublingually, and I'm on a higher dose of oral thyroxine than usual. So, we'll see.

Onward, and downward! (and upward. . .and downish. . .and - ahh sh*t, I'm just gonna go have a drink and fugettaboutit!)

Don't worry G4M. I think your doing fine. At 4 months I was just starting to see changes and I am not a daily drinker. It takes quite a while as far as I can tell so just keep going. I am nine months and happy about the progress but still have to keep going. You should notice things soon. Wishing you the best.

Thanks, Tater. It so happens I had a very low craving/drinking day yesterday – one of the best ever. And today seems to be following suit, so far. Started cooking for the weekend (a big trigger, as I love to chop, braise, mix, and sip on wine), and decided water sounded better than wine. Hmmm. . .could it be. . .?

Ya when I get cooking like a chef I get into wine as well. It just seems incomplete to be crafting a great masterpiece in the kitchen without it. I can understand totally that trigger. I have it too. Certian times are well established as ritualistic triggers aren't they? That is an interesting thought. Now you have me thinking about all the triggers I have. That is good. I probably should think about them more. Glad to hear you thought water was also a good idea. Sounds progressive.

Well, still at that darned mid-50's range. I'm hoping to break that soon - but at least it's better than last week's through the roof numbers.

I tried doing a chart - much of the early weeks is based on (faulty) memory, as I wiped out each week's data after averaging the month. Will be keeping weekly units again to be able to continue charting this. It's a very interesting way to look at it, and I thank Mabalee for introducing the concept here.

I'll post the chart in my first post on this thread and update it weekly, to keep it simple - just as soon as I can figure out how to attach the chart to a post. So far, it won't upload. . .