DISCLAIMER:
Since the time that I originally created this post, things changed a little as far as my results go. All of what I have shared about my background and my experience with TSM up to the time of the original writing remains valid, but I should note that I did hit a bump along the way. Once some more time passes and I have more perspective on my entire experience with TSM I will edit the post accordingly. END DISCLAIMER.

I started TSM exactly 4 months ago and I have almost no doubt in my mind that I belong on the CURED list. I was lucky to be a fast responder, and looking at my numbers I would say I regained control around week 8, so one could say I reached the cure point after just 2 months, which is better than I could have hoped for. I'll go ahead and give some background about what my drinking used to be like, what the process of starting and continuing with TSM has been like, and what my drinking is like now. Some of this will probably repeat information I've posted on other threads, such as my weekly updates and my newbie posts, so apologies for any repetition if you've already read those.

I'm a 30 year old male, and I have probably known I was an alcoholic since around age 21. I first entered recovery and started trying to get sober around age 24, and for the next 5 years or so I basically went through a large number of failed attempts to remain abstinent from drinking. I've done therapy, multiple rehabs, and been in and out of AA rooms for 5+ years. I also tried Baclofen, Antabuse, Campral, and even abstinence-based Naltrexone! Throughout all of that I had only one stretch where I managed to stay sober for a significant period of time in AA, which was a little over a year. More typically, I would stay sober or abstinent for somewhere between a couple of weeks to a couple of months at a time and then always relapse to heavy binge drinking. That's been my pattern for seemingly so long that I can hardly remember anything else. I haven't kept count but I probably had on the order of a hundred relapses over that period of time and it had come to feel inevitable that I would never be able to achieve long term sobriety. I was the epitome of a "chronic relapser" who just couldn't seem to make the AA thing work even though I was giving it my best efforts. During the 1+ year abstinent period I thought maybe I had finally turned the corner, but then when I relapsed from that last December, then proceeded with a couple of more relapses within a few months afterwards, I was back to feeling hopeless and that I was doomed to a life of failed AA attempts.

I should describe what my relapses and my drinking were previously like in order to contrast it to the incredible change TSM has brought about. I was an extreme binge drinker. When I would start drinking, even if I told myself I was going to moderate it or not let things get out of control, I would ALWAYS end up locked away in my room drinking 'round the clock for usually between 1-2 weeks, continuously. In other words I would drink until I passed out, wake up, immediately start drinking until passing out again, wake up and immediately start drinking until passing out again, etc. etc... for weeks at a time. While on one of these binges I would only leave my house to go buy more alcohol when necessary. I wouldn't show up for school or work, wouldn't answer an email or phone call, wouldn't shower or make myself presentable to the outside world. I was just stuck in my alcoholic dungeon. It's hard to keep an exact count of how much I would consume in a day, but there's no doubt that I was going through well more than a 30-pack of beer in 24 hours (I know because I'd have to go out to buy more once each day) and I estimate that it may have been upwards of 40-50 drinks a day at some points. In other words it was absurd. I had my blood alcohol content measured at over 0.4 on more than one occasion, which is potentially near lethal. And of course after drinking that heavily for an extended period, once I would somehow stop I required detox and medical attention to prevent serious withdrawal symptoms like seizures. Those of you who have been through withdrawal and detox know what that hellish experience is like.

So after a bad relapse that I had this past March (despite going to AA meetings every day) I decided to take another look at alternative methods for getting sober. I had come across TSM several years previously when researching the same thing, but I quickly dismissed it when I saw that it required drinking to work, and that it claimed one could go back to drinking safely. I thought with my pattern of excessive binging it was too dangerous to try and that I could never drink moderately. But this time I gave TSM another look since I was feeling desperate. I was obviously concerned about having to drink in order to make it work, as was my family, but we all carefully ready Dr Eskapa's book and became clear on the facts. I felt as if although it was risky, there was no way I could pass up on at least giving a try to something which had claims of such fantastic success. So I figured I had nothing to lose except another failed attempt, and therefore I decided I was going to get a prescription for Naltrexone and try TSM.

As I was getting ready to begin my TSM experiment I was somewhat unclear and worried about how I would carry it out since my previous pattern was drinking all day to excess followed by detox a few weeks later. I posted questions about it on this forum and received some helpful, encouraging responses from others who had been binge drinkers. So in my head I thought, "maybe the Naltrexone will allow me to confine the drinking to be only in the evening so that I can get up and function the next day as I carry out this experiment". And low and behold that actually worked. I definitely had what they call the "honeymoon period" the first week, where my consumption was small due to a combination of side effects and adjusting to the feeling of drinking with Naltrexone. The first couple of nights of drinking I had a relatively small amount in the evening (5-10 drinks) and amazingly I didn't feel the need or desire to pick up and immediately start drinking the next morning. I definitely noticed the effect of Naltrexone right away on the sensations I felt while drinking. It doesn't take away all of the pleasure from drinking, but it does reduce it and removes a lot of the euphoria. The first week I consumed only 34 drinks total, and then as I began to adjust to the medicine, the next week I started drinking more each evening and totaled 90 for the week. I guess that signified the end of the honeymoon period for me. But even though 90 drinks in a week is a lot, compared to what I was doing on a binge before TSM, it is minuscule. And I can't emphasize enough how amazing it is to me that right from the start and throughout my entire time on TSM I've never felt the desire to pick up a drink in the morning and my drinking has always been confined to the evening. For years I had wished I could only drink in the evening and not slip into the all day drinking, which leads to all the horrific consequences, and yet I was never once able to keep myself from doing that before TSM. Anyways, after my initial great results, for the next 6-7 weeks I continued with this new pattern of having 10-12 drinks most evenings with a few AF days mixed in as I wondered what would be the next phase of reducing the drinking further. I toyed with the idea of a gradual reduction, such as 8/night for a week, 6/night the next week, etc... But that didn't really work for me and I continued drinking about the same amount.

Around week 7 or 8 I decided to try an experiment of seeing if I could just have 1 drink and no more. To my astonishment that worked! I continued to prove to myself that I could do that for a while, and that is when I think I really turned the corner with this method. I eventually loosened that restriction to see how much I would drink again with no self-imposed limitations. What is amazing is that ever since that time, I don't seem to ever WANT to drink more than 2 to 3 drinks at a time. It isn't that I'm telling myself or forcing myself to only have a few, it's that I genuinely do not want to drink more than a few. In fact I actually start to feel a little nauseated by the idea of drinking any more after I've had a couple. So since week 8 on TSM to the present, my drinking has actually been within the limitations of what is considered moderate, safe drinking. For a male that means consuming no more than 15 drinks a week and no more than 3 or 4 in a sitting (I Googled "moderate drinking" and found this definition in several different places so it seems to be pretty standard). To think of myself as a moderate drinker would have been laughable 6 months ago, and yet here I am. Drinking hasn't caused any problems in my life in the last few months and I'm not worried that it will in the future because I seem to be no longer capable of stomaching more than a couple of drinks. That is the single biggest change for me. Whereas in the past one or two drinks would lead me to drinking until I passed out and total oblivion, now one to two drinks means I'm ready to quit and go to bed. I have regained control. (Actually, I have control for the first time ever). I currently seem to be averaging about 7 drinks a week, which is a good number. At some point I may decide to reduce my consumption even further or go completely alcohol free, like some others on this forum have done. I believe I really have the ability to make that decision to either drink moderately or not at all. And I am confident that as long as I continue to follow the golden rule, I will never go back to drinking in any way that resembles the way I did. I do still get some pleasure from a drink, which is actually good because it makes it so that there is no compliance issue with following the golden rule. I've never once thought to myself, "maybe I'll just skip the Nal because it would be more fun without it". I can't completely explain why this is, and why I haven't had any compliance issues, but I know I haven't. That is the one thing I need to remain vigilant about going forward.

For those reading this who may be wondering whether or not to try TSM, I certainly can't claim that it will work for you the way it has for me. If we believe the reliability of the statistics taken in the formal studies, then there seems to be great incentive to give it a try. I just know that for me TSM has been the miracle I needed when everything else failed. I found a lot of useful information and encouraging words from people on this forum, so I will definitely stick around and keep posting and occasionally updating if anything changes.

Dear Je,

Congratulations on your regained life!
Thank you for sharing your story. It blows me away. I am really impressed to read what has happened to you thanks to TSM.

Your story makes me wonder again why TSM is so little known in the world. This is such an important and strong tool to help us to just become 'normal' around alcohol.
Devil in the box, still a pretty box to have, but keep the devil inside.

Je - your story gave me goosebumps ! I am in awe of how well it has worked for you - and the only thing that gave me a twinge was, PLEASE do not EVER drink without the NAL !!! I do not think you will - but I would hate for you to go back to the hell that you were in ! I loved reading your story - just GREAT !!!

Hugs, Maggie x

Wow je -- that is FANTASTIC. I am so happy for you to have found this at age 30 --- you really do now have your whole life ahead of you to live without the chains that alcohol previously had you in. How great is that????

Thanks for posting in this way to encourage others who are suffering as you did. What a miracle.


XOXO Newlife

But you will, that much I can promise you. One day something bad will happen, or so much time will have passed that you'll begin to think your cure is permanent. And then you'll be back in your room for another 2 week bender.

You must be ever vigilant for the rest of your days, with a supply of NAL always on hand.

Beyond that, congratulations! A success story is always great, but one from a binger is even better.

wow je, thanks so much for coming here and posting your progress. It really is inspirational especially for someone like me. I have had a very similar drinking style as you, binges and chaos then detox. I also have been in and out of AA since I was 16-17 with two periods of sobriety, but then eventually had a relapse and that "fun" cycle would start it all over. I was very skeptical before trying this method, but now have much hope not only from my own results, but reading the updates from the other members. I have only taken nal 3 times, but can see a huge difference. I believe I am in my honeymoon phase, and hope I don't have to go through "it gets worse before it gets better" phase, but I realize that it may be a part of my journey and it is much better than the other options.
I really am so happy for you and I can only imagine how much peace TSM has brought into your life. You probably feel like you have finally gotten that huge monkey off your back. That's how I feel.
Keep on going and I am following in your footsteps!
Carli

nice work je. keep taking the Nal and stay the course. very happy for you!

Congradulations! Your experience seems a lot like mine, but I wasn't that heavy a drinker as you were.

I think this may be the most important part:

I had the same experience. Early on in my treatment, I tried for AF too soon and I just wound up having twice as much the next day so I was super scared to try again later. Now, the more I cut back, the more I'm amazed that it's totally easy to go without.

Je,

That was an amazing story and congrats on turning a new corner. How I wish I could say I am not envious! To have that control and self discipline...what sweet dreams are made of!

Good luck in all

Jaba

Congratulations and thank you for sharing! Every success story gives me the push I need to go on!