Thanks to a lot of AF time, this week saw a astonishing dip down to just 24 drinks! I was AF Sunday and Monday. I only really drank Tuesday because it was so weird not to have had any for so long. And it really wasn't at all that good. I just sipped through a few drinks. Yesterday, out in a group of people I didn't know (always a trigger), I only had one glass of wine and was fine. After I got home, I had a couple more but stopped when I started feeling too dragged down by the alcohol.

Emotionally, the past week has been centering around why I'm drinking, what I could be avoiding. Saturday, I found myself wanting to drink faster while out with people out of sheer boredom. no really offense meant, but I was just not stimulated.

Which got me thinking about stimulation and how I use alcohol to numb myself so that boring things are tolerable. Which is really ridiculous. Why not do fun things? Things that would keep me stimulated and challenged and interested instead of drugging myself down to a common denominator.

I'm not trying to blame the people around me for being boring though. It's more that I don't do enough to engage myself at all, either with them or by myself. That, and low self image leads me to think "why would anyone care what I have to say, or think one of my suggestions was interesting." I mean, I can't blame them with "we never do fun things like X" when 1) I don't know really what X is and 2) even when I do, I don't ever say, "hey let's do X" (hehe, not extacy the drug )

So, yeah, a lot of facing myself work which will be ongoing. I'll still take the alcohol as I feel it but it's looking like when I do have it, I won't be having the same sized/speed sessions as before.

Cool !

Those AF days tend to build on themselves.

Keep on keeping on .....

And, I got to the office on time and clear headed all week! I can't remember the last time I could say that!

congrats on the clearheadedness. THAT has to feel good!

Way to go, Jackson!! Newlife

Week 7 totally shot up. 45 and only one AF. It was a double-whammy: 1) the Belmont Stakes on Saturday meant a day at the races, which means an 4 to 5 hours at the bar sipping beer and bourbon. Really easy to forget how much I'm having. Then wine with dinner and more drinking when I got home. I think. I honestly can't remember anything after dinner. Well, after the start of dinner; I don't even remember leaving the restaurant. One of the worst blackouts I've had since TSM started.

2, we have house guests over for a few days (partner's family), so I was drinking more than I should have been to relax myself. Social situations are still hard for me to not drink. But then, I did have an AF day to end the week once everything was back to normal.

In both cases through, I could have gone a LOT slower. I think it's part "chasing the high that's not there anymore" and part habit of what a drink "serving size" is. Having an AF is easier than having just a drink or two. There is also still that sense of being "on the clock" (ie, "well, I'm on the Nal now, so better keep shoveling in the booze").

I've started a six-week fitness class and I plan to have more AFs through the week as part of it. I also think I'm going to see how it is to limit any drinking session to five max.

Thanks for the update Jackson - I love watching how others are doing - it really does help with our own situation. Sorry your intake was up this past week but at least you know why and what to do about it ....

Hugs, Maggie

Jackson, those all sound like good plans. It's great that you can have AFs easily, that is what I struggle with. Can't seem to let go of old friend/toxic lover.

Nal on!! Newlife

Thanks for sharing Jackson. Especially about the social situations & boredom. That is sooo true for me too.

I hate the rough weeks - so hard - but keep your chin up!

Jephiner

Feast or famine with me it seems. From last week's TSM-high to a new low of just 9 drinks all week. Eight of those were over Sunday afternoon trying to chase the old high to no avail.

I then had a glass of wine with dinner in the week, but really was rather blah about it. Just nursed the one glass and didn't have anythign else.

It's funny how easy it is to ignore at times now. I still have issues aplenty, but at least the "it's going to cost another $8 for a drink" or "but I'll feel so bad in the morning" is enough to weigh out getting another drink (or starting at all). I expect I'll have more 8-10 drink days coming up as the rat still tries at that lever.

And a lot of the draw to having AFs is that I started a new exercise program for six weeks, and it's at 6:00am. I'm really tryign to follow through the whole six weeks and hopefully get rid of some of the bourbon belly of mine.

I'm going to for drinks with coworkers today; we'll see how it goes. I've been OK while at bars, but I tend to then lose control when I get home and the drinks are free. I'm still going to try to hold myself to no more than 5 drinks a day. I'm interested to see how that feels.

Maybe it's the more AF time, or just the fact I've been on a regular schedule and not half hungover or half drunk all the time, but I also feel SO much better this week. I'm not at all a chipper, happy, upbeat person usually but these days, I'm insanely (for me) extroverted and open and energetic. Pretty crazy, but I'm not complaining