Jackson:

Sounds like things are going well for you.

The goal setting is a good idea, but don't "beat yourself up" if you ever slip a little.

Be patient. We'll all get there together.

Best of luck to you,
Kevlar

_______________

started TSM: 03/07/2015
before TSM: 90 - 100 US units/wk / 0 days AF

wk1 - 59 / 0 AF
wk2 - 36 / 1 AF
wk3 - 64 / 0 AF
wk4 - 59.5 / 0 AF
wk5 - 56 / 0 AF
wk6 - 56 / 0 AF
wk7 - 54 / 0 AF

Count is up from week one, but that was pretty much expected. Still low for me though.

I find when I go out drinking, I am able to drink a LOT less. On the Nal, after one drink I can still reason with myself. Like, "do I really want to pay another $9 for another cocktail? No, let's just downgrade to a pint of cheap, lite beer." Or, "everyone else is only half way through their drink. I'll just wait and see if they get another round and join them, or maybe just go home soon." This in itself is great! I've never been able to think anything other than MORE! MUST DRINK MORE! after drink one.

The trouble is at home I'm not paying per drink or having to ask someone for another so I'm just constantly refilling out of habit. I did an AF last Wednesday just to see if I could and I did it ok. A couple times I did think, "just take a pill and have a drink" when I found myself thinking about it but really taking the pill and waiting an hour just didn't seem worth it by that time. The next evening though, I was going to AF again but around 7 PM the thoughts were annoying so I popped a pill and waited an hour. Then I drank nonstop until blackout, around 10 drinks in 4 or 5 hours. I had to call in sick the next morning from the hangover which is always the ultimate shame for me. That evening I was still feeling ill and depressed so couldn't really do anything outside fun.

But-- I learned from it so I'm not beating myself up: 1) Don't force an AF. In hindsight, I really should have just had a drink the first time I thought of taking the pill. In the future if I think might have forced it, I need super careful the next drinking session. The craving building during forced AF time is no joke. 2) I need to practice what I'm calling Mindful Drinking: being fully conscious of pouring another drink and actually wanting that next drink and not just drinking out of habit/boredom.

Yesterday, Sunday, always a big drinking day for me, I was able to reason with myself some even after six drinks over 5 hours. I got up and did something different, upstairs away from the bar and was able to not drink any more until a couple glasses of wine watching TV. It gave me time to sober up a lot and I didn't really miss drinking more once I was distracted in another room.

It was still more than I should have had and my morning wasn't the brightest, but I remember going to bed at least. And I got to the office at a respectable time this morning.

For this coming week, I'm going to try something new at home: before pouring another drink, make myself go upstairs to my desktop computer and log that drink in my journal. That way in the time it takes to go up the stairs to the office, opening the document, updating, saving, and coming back downstairs, I can really consider if this next drink is worth it. When I was a smoker and smoked in the house, keeping my cigarettes in the car helped me cut down -- going out to the car to get the next cigarette was a good way to decide if the craving was want or habit talking. Maybe something similar will help here.

Jackson, I think the mindfulness thing could be really useful.

Could you also try clearing out all alcohol and only having a limited supply which you buy for each time you drink then discard any left over?

Yeah phoning in sick, that did happen to me at various points in my process, which was a disappointing reminder however on the whole I was able to work more regularly and consistently right from the start of using TSM.

Other than the binge last Thursday night that I wrote about already it was a pretty smooth week. Kept it down to 8 per day on the weekends and even after around six drinks on Sunday, I was able to stop myself from getting any more drunk and sober up some a few hours before bed. Through the week, I averaged 5 drinks which is about my weekday average Nal or not, but it was very easy.

A new experience: I was binge watching a series on Netflix alone Wednesday and that's always a good time to keep drinking without really realizing how much I was taking in. Just watch and drink, refill, next episode, refill, keep repeating until I knock out on the couch. But this time, I actually found after a few drinks, I was a little irritated by the buzz since it made it hard to concentrate/enjoy what was going on in the series. It was little like when the cat wants to play but you're busy and can't play right then and you shoo it away. It's like the AL wanted to play and I was just too busy for it. It was a good feeling (not to mention novel!).

I'm trying as much as possible when I get those sorts of feeling to embrace it and change to soda or juice or just not have anything. "I don't have to drink alcohol right now" has become my mantra to keep at the forefront of my mind that having AL is a choice I should be making from hour to hour and drink to drink.

Yep, you don't even have to drink anything.

Four weeks now. It's funny, I didn't realize my count was so low this week until I posted it in my signature.

The last week was pretty unremarkable. I did have an easy AF when I got home late and was already feeling pretty headachy from a long day at work. I drank more than I intended over the weekend, but never lost control. I was able to take a break for a few hours and sober up.

One interesting side effect: I never realized that my heavy drinking in the evening meant I spent all my mornings getting dehydrated. I can't believe how much I can pee these days! Not waking up needing to chug a bottle of Gatorade every morning is nice.

My sugar intake is going up too, I think. I'm not sure if I'm craving the sugar (like heavy drinkers often do when they cut back) or if I'm just replacing one habit for the other. I'm trying not to worry about the extra calories for now however, and keep concentrating on the AL, but I will have to cut out these sweets soon or I'll need new trousers!

I definitely feel the In Control part of the Nal, where I don't lose it after one sip of AL and just start chugging until I can't anymore, so that's still a huge win. I wish I could not think about drinking so much though. I suppose that's where the patience comes in, waiting for my inner brain to forget about getting the rush. I still look forward to the next drink in hopes of the rush, but nothing comes and after a couple, I give up trying (usually). I think for the next week, I'll concentrate on that feeling of unfound reward drinking on the Nal gives me. Maybe in really considering the feeling and remembering it, it'll be easier to not try for the reward in the first place.

What a great post Jackson.....lots of good things to give one pause for thought. Yes the way you explain having the next drink in hope of getting the rush then (hopefully) not having too many more, and yes, it is just going to be time that will eventually have you not thinking about AL all the time.....

Wonderful that your count was so low and I laughed at your not realizing it until you posted !

Not sure what to say about the sugar....what are you eating that is sugar? Sweets, biscuits (cookies), just junkie stuff to take the place of AL? Maybe try things like nuts....even dark chocolate almonds...that way you still get the sugar but it isn't as bad for you.

Hugs, Maggie

Week five done. Up from last week by 12, but honestly, with the holiday weekend, that wasn't unexpected.

Every time I did drink, I hit the bottle pretty hard, getting in the 8 to 10 range four times. On the plus side, Sunday, out of nowhere and with no planning, I just went AF. I really didn't feel like it all day. I was perfectly fine with my near beer.

It's doubly fantastic because it wasn't planned and just sort of organically happened, and Sunday afternoons are usually my worst since I'm usually just sitting around the house, alone, left to my own unsupervised devices.

I also think I may be feeling some the the high of NOT behind on the Nal, too. If I can get a few AF this week, I'm going to get back to the gym regularly.

Ah Jackson, the non-nal experience is great. Really pleased to hear that.

Going AF without planning it is definitely a good sign. How often were any of us able to do that in the past? We are on a similar timeline (I'm about 2 weeks ahead) and I just finally started seeing a big drop in my drinking. Hang in there!