Thanks Kris, I am a slow reader and have been hanging here for quite some time nursing a really bad hangover. I know you understand!

Well, week 15 is now complete. This was a rough one emotionally, and I'm actually surprised I didn't drink more. One day/night I lost control and got blasted, but the stress with my daughter's problems had to get to me eventually. I did a pretty good job of "keeping it together" so I could carefully watch her, and even though I was drinking on most of those days, I remained in control and was very aware of what was going on around me. That's been the greatest benefit from Nal for me - almost never actually becoming DRUNK anymore. That is all I ever really wanted, but could never manage until TSM.

I don't care much about the numbers, and I honestly can't imagine getting down to what is considered a "safe" level. I don't necessarily believe those figures are accurate, at least not for me. I know I'm not a doctor, but based on the fact that I've been drinking heavily for about 30 years (except during my 2 pregnancies), my liver should have been totally shot long ago - but I'm still here, and there's no apparent permanent damage according to annual blood tests. How is that possible? I've faithfully taken Milk Thistle and Sam-e for the past 6 years, so maybe that's protected me somewhat. I probably have fatty liver, but I haven't felt the alcoholic hepatitis (swollen liver) sensations in months now. Like others, I believe my pre-TSM numbers were much higher than I thought. I never paid attention to how much I drank back then, but I often felt it in my liver - especially after consecutive days of drinking hard liquor instead of beer. Anyhow, I truly believe those days are over, and whatever's left of my liver has TSM to thank for that!

Overall, I know TSM has helped me tremendously, and I have no problem sticking to it for the rest of my life. If I eventually get down to the "safe" level, that will be great. But no matter what, TSM has been the best thing to happen to me in terms of both my physical and mental health. I'm sold, and will be a loyal customer forever! Three cheers (or maybe for me) to TSM!

KK, our stories are so similar. I was discouraged yesterday b/c my numbers were up this week, and I had one very heavy drinking day. But yes, I feel much more in control, and my life has drastically improved overall.

I still want/expect the amount I drink to diminish more than it has, but I'm not putting a time-table on it. It will happen when it happens!

Hi Kris~

Haven't posted for a while. I have 2 crazy daughters to keep up with and they have taken most of my energy. Wanted to ask you a few questions. What do you mean by 'swollen liver' and how does it feel when you have one? Another question: Your levels are down quite a bit. Do you feel that the NAL is starting to kick in? I want to have the desire to "not" want to drink. It is making me crazy.

I'll try to be more vigilant to this board as school winds down for the lovely tikes.

Hi G4M,

I hope you're right but the fact remains that no-one really knows. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

V.

Week 16 was a good one for me. Not so much because my units are the lowest yet , but especially that my craving level really did decrease overall. Some rough days, but I could "talk" myself out of it, or at least delay the start time for drinking. I'm happy about the results for this week, but am not expecting this to last on a consistent basis during the summer. I was home this week, instead of at our summer/party spot, which is where I'll be most of the time. Those weekends are filled with many special annual events, during which even "normal" drinkers amongst us get pretty tipsy. HEAVY drinking is the norm, and I won't be able to resist "joining the party" many times. That's OK with me, because I'm still making progress overall. As Tom says - "better is better". I just LOVE that! It slaps all the doubts in the face and reminds us to focus on those moments when we know things are changing, but maybe not as fast as we'd like.

Whiteroses/Mira - sorry I took so long to answer your question about the swollen liver sensation. It's not easy to describe. It's like there's an over-filled water ballon on the right side, just under the ribs. I also had a dull ache there, but I've not had that since drinking less on TSM, especially with hard liquor. The concentraion of so much alcohol in a short period of time is rough on the liver - too much for it to handle so quickly. Beer is better that way.

I'm trying my best to keep up with this board, but have been super busy lately. I hope you all realize that I'd like to reply to every post, and offer constant encouragement to everyone. Just don't have enough hours in the day sometimes, but please don't think I'm ignoring anyone - I'll always wish the best for everyone here, even when I fall behind. You all are more like family to me than my "real family" ( and a lot more intelligent too!)

Thanks for your ongoing support. I'll continue to drink in your honor - cheers to all!

Kris - so happy you are seeing progress and had a great week.

Sounds like a fun summer planned with plenty of opportunities for extinguishing! You are doing so good, keep it up: better is better

Hey Kris, check out that week 16 - 39 units! You're now officially at less than half of your pre-Sinclair levels! As for drinking at special occasions, isn't that what this is all about for some of us? Being able to drink like a normal person when we want? And even normal people, as you mention, get tipsy on occasion.

Hi All,

Another week (17) has come and gone. Not as exciting as last week's lower number of units, but still OK in my book. As I've said many times, but still feel I can't emphasize it enough - it's the CRAVING level that matters to me. Several times this week, I noticed how little I cared about my beer. Usually I follow it like I would a small child, never letting it leave my sight. This week, I wasn't compelled to do that. I still drank more than the previous week, which seems diappointing considering that my craving level was down overall. But like life, drinking levels will go up and down with different experiences. I purposely left the past 2 weeks in my signature, just to show the variation, even though the numbers are included in my Month 4 average). There are graduation and birthday parties, etc. to contend with right now. I'll drink (and eat) more than usual when it's all there in my face, free of charge, and nicely decorated to boot!

I know there are many triggers I still have to tackle, and I doubt it will happen within any "standard" timeframe. It's funny how I still feel that "is it REALLY working" thought creep into my head after a night of unexpected heavy drinking. It's like "what happened here, when I was starting to do so well?" Be watchful for this, and tell it to get the hell out of your brain ASAP. Be happy for the little victories, but don't get all cocky about it and think you're suddenly 'cured'. This is a LONG process, filled with both good and bad days. I don't think the test subjects had decades of drinking to extinguish, and I KNOW the rats didn't!

I've heard many times that you shouldn't be afraid to fail - that truly successful people fail many times before they succeed. I believe that applies to TSM as well. Just keep plugging away. Tell the doubts to f-off and go away. We're stronger than we realize, and that strength will overpower the doubts if we have faith. The support we get from the people on this board is an important factor, and it amplifies the power we have within us.

About the 'guilt' from being obsessed with this board (and I know many of us realized the extent of it with the recent outage), I'm telling those thoughts to f-off as well. I've been unemployed for quite a while, and although I am looking for work, THIS is where I spend so much of my time. Doesn't seem right until I realize that I'm probably saving my life right now, and sparing my wonderful family a lot of pain in the process. Let's face it - I have the rest of my life to get a job, and I can't work if I'm dead, right? Seems logical to me that making my recovery a serious priority is the best thing I can do right now - not just for me, but for everyone I love. So, you folks are stuck with me (maybe forever), and I couldn't be happier about it! CHEERS!!!

Kris, I was just lamenting that I didn't play guitar tonight, or work on a painting, or write a song, or build a website. No, all I did was "do the board" until now it's almost bedtime. But what does "do the board" really mean?

I realise that tonight I have been working on saving my life, building my "house's foundation" (as Nick says), offering support and advice, sharing what used to be too shameful to share, doing community service, learning from others, and growing as a person.

Not a bad night's work now that I look at it!