I feel the same UK Blonde I think we need to hear the truth. There may be a few people for whom there is an easy miracle and I suppose it is only human to want that, but not realistic. I know that I for one am coming to grips with that.

The sad truth is - CHANGE IS HARD!! And probably harder the older you get. We not only have to stop the physical addiction, the psychological addiction, get rid of just the habit of always taking a drink, and then also learn how to face life sober, and although life can be wonderful it is also many times very hard.

I am so sorry for everything you went to -- even thinking about suicide -- but what a brave choice to decide to live and then throw so much behind it in order to achieve it.

I know that I have wasted so much of my life being out of it with alcohol -- it is NOT WORTH IT!! I want to enjoy the rest of my life and so I am determined to deal with this. Thanks for helping and giving it to us straight.

I wish I could offer you help/advice with the food issues but I don't have any experience. You do have my caring and support, though.

Hugs from Newlife

Thanks Newlife and Maggie

Yes I am good at making people feel told off, it does however come from a caring place. My partner often refers to the levels of telling off he receives.

It is currently more difficult for me to obtain Naltrexone, my Dr will only prescribe it if I go and pretend I want to drink with it, I don't like ordering from overseas and the UK pharmacy now prescribing seem to only want to prescribe Selincro which is fair enough because it is licenced in the UK for alcohol use whereas Naltrexone is not.

The Selincro tablets are tiny compared to Naltrexone and that is the main problem with spitting them!

Big step this weekend.

I had two nights out in places where a lot of alcohol was being served. First was a northern soul type muscian + band evening, tables with some dancing. When we arrived I could smell the wine, see people pouring, very aware of the bottles piling up. I had a diet coke, and happy with that. My partner had 1 pint of beer, he'd had no other alcoholic drink and didn't have anything once we got back home.

Saturday night was a big DJ mash up type club night in the same venue. This time it was standing, dancing, and the same bar. Different crowd but importantly for me it was an environment similar to one in which 14 years ago I'd have been taking ecstacy or speed, and also drinking on top. That time was the start of the escalation of my drinking problems but I couldn't see that back then.

So to be back in it I was interested to see how I'd react, how would I feel. I had a pre-workout drink before hand, this is a sweet mix containing caffeine and a few other bits and pieces intended to help with training and which I find blunts any hunger. I also had a handful of nuts. I find that if I feel hungry I get really 'bored' if out in pubs, or near bars and do not enjoy the event. I had taken a protein shake plus nuts in my bag to the sit-down event the previous evening.

Once I got there I went through a short phase of awkwardness but did, after about 30 minutes relax, and was jigging around dancing. Neither of us had a drink for the first hour, then he had a pint of beer and I had a sugar free fruit drink. I could see that some people were a bit under the influence or at least drunk, but that was ok because I didn't feel any urge to be like that. I was however able to feel relaxed and confident with my partner, be affectionate and also move around as I wanted to. No one pointed out that I wasn't drinking - some of the people we met there don't know about my previous issues, but there was no pressure and I don't have a problem not having a glass to hold (means I can hold hands with my partner, or dance without having to worry about where my drink is).

We stayed for the main events, which was about 2 hours, then went home shortly before midnight. The party went on until 1.30am.

Got up this morning both of us very happy!

That all sounded really good UKB. So happy for you that you felt just fine being there and not drinking or doing anything else. You sound very content with the drinking aspect of your life which I am so happy about for you.

Hugs, Maggie x

That sounds great UK Blonde. You have definitely learned how to live without AL, those two nights just confirms it. Sounds like you have a partner that doesn't drink much, either, which is good. XOXO Newlife

That is the really interesting and amazing part.

He was a heavy drinker when I met him, wine club subscription, wine in the evening, beer or wine on nights out.

Once I slowed down, his drinking became less. Over time our social life stopped revolving around drinking, we go to coffee shops rather than pubs, drive to events and back afterwards (we have a zero tolerance approach to driving!). If we go out for a meal I have sparkling water and he might have a glass of wine, or we both have water. Have sleepy teas before bed. He was really pleased with I went AF, and not drinking very much is a way to support me in recovery.

He does occasionally have a heavy night, or a half bottle of wine but not when I'm with him. Probably only once a month or so.

I'm moving in with him soon and he's been draining his wine cellar, he cancelled his subscription a while back because he simply wasn't drinking it. We poured some very old, 10 year plus cream liquers away this morning. He's a hoarder and they were almost solid in the bottles.

It has taken us 4 years to get to this but it does happen. I do get on my soap box about this but society has trained us to think that wine is a reward, or something we deserve and under it all it's a drug, a poisonous one which we don't actually need.

Oooh, just forgot. This week was my last day of my uni course. The class went to the pub for a meal, champagne was ordered, some had wine or beer, couple of my friends had soft drinks because they were driving or had other things to do afterwards. I had a water...........it cost almost as much as a large alcoholic drink! I did feel a bit odd, but not in a wish I could have some way, I felt a bit like "Why do you have to have that?", it also felt like a bit of a gesture. It does make me think and reflect on behaviour. Why does society feel the need to celebrate by getting drunk. Perhaps people do enjoy alcohol, but I know I don't and 10-15 years ago me drinking would have mucked up my entire day, I'd have said stupid things and spent a whole lot more than the price of a drink.

That's the other thing, meals out cost less without 1-2 bottles of wine, significantly less - or we spend it on a nice dessert and coffee instead. Not having to get taxis is also cheaper and keeps us fitter (cars tend to be walked to whereas taxis pick you up at the door).

He's learned a lot and it isn't doing him or his health any harm. He's significantly older than me so anything that keeps him going and gives us more quality time is worth it.

That's cool, UKB. I spend a lot of time now observing people at gatherings, especially when they drink a lot or too much. As a matter of fact, that pretty much describes my entire family!

When you view it that way, and think about it, you don't see the point in getting sloshed.
You just don't! And because you don't, you don't.

BTW, if any newer TSM folk are reading this, it comes as a surprise that drinking just doesn't hold the allure anymore. That comes after time, but it's a blessed relief !

Guapo.....the whole reason I am doing TSM is so that one day AL will not hold that allure.....I cannot wait , trust me !

Hugs, Maggie

I have heard that in your posts Maggie, loud and clear.

I wouldn't however say I observe as such. I notice, but that is different. I sometimes chuckle inside, but that is all.

Sheer revelation that I don't need to make myself into an idiot or make myself feel like poop because I've gotten pissed (drunk). All that time and money I wasted, down the drain. Ugghhh.

Sore head and bodies today for others who attended.

My feet were a bit achy last night but all ok this morning.

Drove back to my house at 9.30am, in time to dodge a road race.

Time for bed.

Good night hugs all x

it won't hold the allure Maggie, it won't

Trust me!

BTW, perhaps a better word is "to notice" drinking behavior. That's far better than just noticing where the alcohol was located in the past, so I could get myself another one.