I can't thank you all enough for the support and insight. I agree that I should keep a lid on my problems right now and my method for conquering them. My friend doesn't talk with my DH -- they had their own falling out a while back. (My friend has a lot of these falling outs with people, then she usually gets over whatever pissed her off...) Anyway, she does know that my DH has accused me of being a problem drinker. My DH is leaving me alone for now. I got so mad at him after he called my psych that I blew up and told him to BACK OFF or I would just quit trying. He still thinks he did "the right thing" of course.

Good point about my stepdaughter. I have thought about that as well. She really is messed up, her parents had a horrible divorce and though the mom and I get along, she's quite a wack job. Tells my stepdaughters that she hates them (when she's angry), told the 15 yr old she would be "better off" if stepdaughter died, because of stepdaughter's diabetes mismanagement and complications (it was stressing poor mom out!)....I could go on, it's pretty heartbreaking. I can't imagine EVER uttering those kinds of words to my kids.

Anyway, I'm a real weenie with the therapist stuff. First, there are very few psychiatrists in our area who are even taking new patients -- so many physicians left here after Katrina. Also, I really don't know if my psych and counselor have spoken. It could have been my husband who provided that info, or maybe she even guessed. But I definitely want to continue the nal, so I guess I'll just have to reframe my story to accomplish that goal. I'm starting to get worried that it's not going to work for me. I keep having to remind myself I'm only on Week 5!

You are all such a great group here, and really the only ones who understand. Thanks for listening.

H4B -
Hang in there, girlfriend. I feel so sorry for your step-daughter now. Breaks my heart when I hear about crazy, mean mothers like hers. My heart goes out to you both. And sounds like we are all worried about this method at varying times & stages.

I think it's working. I also think it's the "Field of Dreams" concept working at its best...along with science. Hope & belief - it's all we've got.

Hang in there

I know that it feels better to tell people, maybe feels better getting it off your chest, however, I am always leary. I have a sister in law, and I told her, and I wish I didn't because the odd time it will come up, 'I thought you weren't drinking anymore', etc, and then you have to answer to them. It always seems they are always watching and judging. Maybe I am being paranoid, but it's how I feel. AND there's always the fact that they have no clue!

I have my friends who know that are in the very same boat. They get me, they understand what I am going through, and I trust them with my life. I can tell them anything. I am never ashamed because they have lows too, when others don't get it, and condemn.

I'm not tell you you shouldn't tell her. Just think about it because you will have to live with it. I sound like a drama mama, sorry.

Thinking of you!!!!!

After thinking about it, I ditto your thoughts about keeping it private, especially with this friend. Well, any friend. I don't need anyone monitoring my every move and giving me wary glances if I have a drink. I'm even sorry I told my husband that I agreed I have a problem. I feel so shitty about myself, though. I feel like such a loser, all the stuff I've said and done while under the influence. It's a very lonely place to be. And then I go buy my wine, feeling guilty and weak and terrible about myself. Christyacc, you are so lucky to have a support group that understands. I'm just curious, are they longtime friends of yours or how did you meet women who share the same problem? There is a women's AA meeting in my area, but I hesitate to go b/c they are all about abstinence, not TSM.

H4B -
I hope you are not feeling AS shitty and like a loser after coming here and posting and hearing from all of us. All of us have felt this way (most probably still do) and it is so horrible to do this to yourself. I beat myself up all the time about this damn demon and trusting the method. I have only confided in my (best friend) sister...and she is the BEST - never asks me a thing, has NEVER condemned me (just voiced "concerns" on occasion thru the years)...

...god, I love my sister! am tearing up suddenly at the stories on here of others losing theirs, their twins, etc. I cannot imagine. So thankful God thinks I am too weak to handle such a thing because I am...

anyway - you have US!! We are your support system!! Just like a huge core of us here have bonded, we are here for you and support and welcome and embrace you as much and as often as you need us. Don't beat yourself up about your weaknesses. We share all of them. I am sipping wine as I post this - always am. What are the positives in your life? TSM and this board for starters. Hope knowing you are not alone and have new friends here brings you some comfort and optimism.

Hang in there girr - and did you kick some serious butt today?? Go do it.

H4M,

I have felt so alone and brutal about myself. I have felt awful for not being able to control my drinking, and for dumb stuff I do that I MAY, ok, don't remember when I am drinking. I went to a 40th bday party fell one, splat on my knees, then fell into a frigging puddle. So, what does the drunk one do? Strips off her pants and top to get in her friend's van so not to get it wet. After the drive, we decide to stop at a friends for more drink, oh ya, MORE, and well, this pisstank walks on in in her bra and underwear! Ya, nice touch Christy! Thank god my husband was drunk too otherwise he would have FLIPPED! Of course everyone thought I was hilarious.....but how embarrasing for my kids. My oldest daughter hangs out with the friends sons.....getting back to her? Not sure.....

Anyway, my point is, we all do some seriously dumb **** drunk, not just you. Don't be embarrassed because you have a problem. Diabetics aren't embarrassed for being diabetic. You are never alone.....the people I meet in these forums, are my lifelines. They are the ones that help me get through. I do it for myself and for my family, but it's everyone here who makes me feel like I am not alone.

We are all here for each other.....never forget that.

XOXO

Hi Hoping 4
I do hope you can take support from all the others about staying with the TSM. As a counsellor myself i am appalled at the breaches of confidentiality you wrote about. While i operate in a different country i know i NEVER speak to any client's spouse and will never share info with psychiatrists or other professionals without written permission from the client. I agree with the others you need to confront them. Its a huge breach of trust from which i imagine it would be difficult to recover any sense of safety or support in the relationship. I'm also not sure that its a great idea to continue marriage counselling in the current atmosphere- its hard to focus on the relationship when you need to be 'selfish' in a good way and get yourself well and balanced.
I can understand your DH jumping to take action or push you in to action out of anxiety etc but would it be possible to make a deal with him to back off for a period of 4-6 months to allow the Nal to work? There are some good posts on the site from spouses which he might be more inclined to read than a book.
Pay attention to your own gut instincts about who to confide in and remember the old saying 'Non illigegitme carborundum' (don't let the bastards grind you down!)
Meanwhile there is plenty of support here.

You're a winner! You came here! We got your back!

Awwww, y'all....you are so kind and caring. I don't deserve it! Soulbythesea (great username, it conjours up such relaxing thoughts!), I appreciate your insight as a counselor. But I need to clarify: my husband never actually talked with my psychiatrist, he just left a mssge on her voicemail, which she summarized for me. I don't think any real info has passed back in forth between our marriage counselor and my psychiatrist, but I don't know. My psychiatrist sent me a consent form to sign but I'm not inclined to do so: my husband blames my drinking for every problem in our marriage, so rather than get my ass kicked every week in our counseling session, I told DH that I am opting out until I get my addiction under control. He agreed (of course!)

Everyone's embarassing under the influence incidents are kinda funny but harmless. Mine aren't. I called 911 on my husband a few weeks back b/c we got into an argument that became physical. After I called, I realized that I was being rash and was scared for the police to go in the house -- I was afraid that they would arrest my husband. He has a previous domestic battery charge b/c he pinched his ex-wife's butt! (Seriously -- I read the whole court transcripts and I truly couldn't believe there was ANY charge. It was so ludicrous.) Anyway, his charge was expunged but I realized that if he got another one, it would be bad news for him. So, when the police came, I told them everything was fine and they could leave. Little did I know that when there's a 911 call for a domestic dispute, SOMEONE has to be arrested! In this case it was me. My husband told them that I hit him with a hairbrush. Maybe I did, but I can't remember doing so. I have never used an object to hit someone that I can recall. We were arguing over my stepdaughter, she had stolen something else from me and I was sick of it.

So, at least he persuaded the 911 enforcement to call my parents. They came to get me and I slept at their house. My mom said she knows when I've had too much to drink (she does) and that I didn't that night. (I didn't.) But of course everything is being attributed to me being drunk. I really think I took the heat for my husband but he won't admit it. It's easier for him to pin the blame on me...

Just another frustration/setback with TSM. Need for this to work!!!

It's always much easier for them to blame us and the alcohol than to assume any responsibility that some problems may be caused or as a result of their actions. We realize that some problems are ours, but we are not alone. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.......

There will always be setbacks, but how you deal with them is yours. You will do awesome! Don't lose hope! As Lena said, we have your back!