I'm very new to this treatment but I thought that I would add my two cents. Everyone that keeps trying to find a better life and refuses to give up on themselves will find their way. Keep going! You've made it through so much. I've found this method effective to work through my issue with alcohol and it seems to be the best path for me. From your posts, the Nal seems to work for you as well, so keep at it
Some people are posting analogies to help in understanding the journey through this (like the wheel with spokes). My analogy at this point is like the relationship with a boyfriend that is very bad for me but so much fun. Every time we (alcohol and I) break up, I think I'm done for good. Then I forget the bad stuff and start remembering the fun and before I know it, we are back together and I end up in the gutter again wondering how I got there. I find that I am extremely addicted to alcohol emotionally and that Nal allows me to never experience the good, even when I take a sip. So now when I romanticize the drinking, I don't get to experience the fun and eventually all I'm left with is the bad memories, which do come back.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!