Week 15

I had Sunday until Wednesday AF days then had three drinks on Thursday that tasted disgusting. Friday and Saturday we were visiting my Son at university and I had four UK pub drinks, these are imperial pints of 20 fluid oz. It's going to be interesting to see if I can switch between a few moderate nights of drinking to AF days for the most part.

I'm back AF tonight without any cravings.

Started 7 October 2014

Pre TSM = 70+ USA units
Week 1. 48
Week 2. 45 (1AF day)
Week 3. 50
Week 4. 54
Week 5. 56
Week 6. 56
Week 7. 60
Week 8. 58
Week 9. 58
Week 10. 50
Week 11. 48
Week 12. 55
Week 13. 50
Week 14. 03.5 (6 AF days)
Week 15. 20 (4 AF days)

Week 14

I never thought that I would be writing this post. Since I started my TSM journey on the 7th October 2014 I have continued to drink, with the exception of one white knuckle AF day early on I continued to drink as before albeit at reduced levels due to effect of the nalmefene.

I made no effort and resigned myself to my half life due to the total lack of any willpower what so ever.

In the beginning, whilst the experience with drinking was different. It was possible to gain enough out of it to drink every night and mostly just end up exhausted because the alcohol would induce tiredness before I could drink to excess, however mostly I still enjoyed my daily drinking routine and several weeks in I kind of adjusted to this new relationship with alcohol and started to really question wether TSM was working for me.

Encouraged by those that had gone before I continued, not least because I had no other place to go but back to before I started.

At this stage, since only one week has past I am cautious and even concerned to be too celebratory. For obvious reasons. However if this is a high phase and I dip down on the roller coaster later on so be it, I'm only telling it as it is and if this turns bad again I will just continue I guess.

Anyway back to the here and now, Last Saturday was a disaster in the sense that drink tasted awful and it was just impossible to drink. Sunday I was a different person, like a switch had been thrown. I can only describe it like every receptor in my brain had finally been smothered by the Nalmefene. There was no room for a choice by me, no more I guess than a seven year old kid would walk to the fridge one day and crave a ice cold beer that's on the top shelf. No more than I could crave a ice cold can of coke.
I like the occasional coke but I have never drank two back to back. I've certainly never had uncontrollable thoughts about coke.

So Monday the same, not exactly indifference but just the thought of alcohol was unappealing. This continued until I tried to see what would happen on Thursday evening. To be honest by about five I had taken my nalmefene and I was pacing for the hour, I was kind of split; it was the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.

However as I've said over and over again "my zero willpower" means angel has no chance.

I opened first ice cold can at 17:50 and looked at it for ten minutes, it might as well been ice cold water, no buzz no AAAaaaa no nothing, Had another much slower than the 1st and then eat, although my appetite had been diminished by the two beers so that was also a disappointment. Opened a third around 19:30 and poured it away by eight, half full. Had a very enjoyable hot chocolate at nine.

So last night was Friday and I was indifferent. I'll say not really disgusted at the thought of drinking as in the early part of the week, just happy not drinking I guess.

There are a few of us on the journey right now and hopefully for each of you my experience gives some hope, what has happened to me this week is pure science, if it's happening to me then it's just a matter of time before you reach this point.

It maybe after a few pills that some have had the good fortune before TSM kicks in or as seems to be the case with most folk, it takes much longer. The science works, what we do with the results is up to us individually, abstain the moment indifference appears, try to drink through the indifference or just drink on the odd occassion. I think in the early days I will from time time take nal and try to moderate. If I suffer a set back, I've enjoyed this week enough to seriously walk away from the drink altogether.

As I've already said I can longer drink alcohol in any quantity than I could warm McDonnells milk shakes

Before TSM, I was mostly a stay at home drinker, on occasions I would plan to have a good night drinking at home. Light the open fire, get a good film in and cook a great dinner. Then drink until I slowly got drowsy and fell asleep.

In reality of course, I would always start drinking too early, be unable to keep focus on the movie, not really enjoy the great dinner because of the booze. And end up passing out on the sofa after my wife had already gone to bed.

No matter how many times I planned a good night in with acohol as the centre piece, it never really worked out the way I hoped.