That is a great point! I agree it doesn't hurt to take it and the odds it will be beneficial are pretty high!

hang in there Snap. the fact that Nal is working for you when you're out is encouraging, I guess you need to translate that to drinking when you're at home to see improvement there

all the best

-badger

I searched for threads about extinction bursts a while back and found that to be helpful. This is hard sometimes when that rat isn't getting what it wants.

Hello everyone

This is the second time I’m writing this, as my laptop crashed and I lost the whole thing !!

Anyway – I am now over three months into TSM and have been reading some VERY despondent threads in the last few days from friends here who are around the same stage. I feel the frustration – three months, total compliancy – why the hell am I not cured?!!

My husband shouted at me the other day and said ‘you lied – you promised you were going to do something about your drinking and you haven’t’ He saw ‘One Little Pill’ and agreed to support me with TSM – however, even he is frustrated that it doesn't appear to be ‘happening’!

I’m drinking more than ever – at least two bottles of wine every night!

So .... I’m thinking of couple of sayings ‘good things come to those who wait’ and ‘all the so-called ‘secrets of success’ will not work unless you do’ – and I’m wondering if rather than sitting back and waiting for things to happen, I need to start putting in a little effort.

First I’m looking at the positives:

1. I no longer think about my first drink all day long.
2. I actually don’t crave my first drink of the day – in fact I seem to be almost forcing it.
3. I don’t enjoy the taste of my first glass of wine, in fact I don’t really enjoy the second or third or fourth
4. I no longer get ‘drunk’ in that I don’t feel the buzz. I get unsteady on my feet, but it’s like my mind is detached from the whole
‘drunk’ process, it’s just my body responding.
5. I no longer black out – I remember everything the next morning.
6. I no longer feel the need to drink excessively when I’m out socialising – I’m happy to alternate wine with water and colleagues
have commented that I’m no longer the life and soul of the party with cringing embarrassment the next day!

So why the hell am I still pouring gallons of wine down my throat every night if it isn’t ‘doing it’ for me anymore? I can only surmise that I am THAT rat that is pushing the button over and over desperately trying to get the high. But as I am not a rat (allegedly ) and I know that high is never coming. Why don’t I stop?

I’ve decided to start forcing some AF days – I need to get used to the experience of alcohol free evenings (scary!!) and learn to stop using it as an escape route. I admit I feel scared of this – drinking is what I do – have done for 20 years or more – I can’t imagine my life without it. BUT if I look at the points above, in theory it really shouldn't be that hard.

I feel so desperately sad when I read that someone who has complied with TSM for almost a year has given up and is back to drinking more than ever before. I am sad because that means there is no hope for them. There is no other way or alternative. I remember the years and years that I posted on ‘My Way Out’ forum, my self disgust; despair; the cravings; the antabuse; the Campral; the broken promises; the shame.

I DO NOT want to go back to that. TSM is my ONLY hope to returning to normality and regaining control over my life. I WILL make this work. I WILL NOT give up.

So fellow TSMers – chin up. Stay the course – NAL on and BELIEVE. This WILL work – whether it takes a little more time, or whether we need to put in a little more effort. We WILL be on that CURE list!

hi Snap,

sorry you're having a rough time of it. TSM is a process & although you're at 3 months, that's really the *minimum* amount of time it takes to work, so hang in there

it sounds to me like the Nal is working for you - all your positive points would indicate that the neural pathways are being broken down

it also sounds like you're a bit stuck in the habit side of alcoholism. you know you're not going to enjoy drinking to excess, but you're still doing it because it's there & that's what you've always done. we have to drink to achieve extinction , but we don't have to drink *lots*. are you able to limit the amount you drink? I find that if I just buy what I'm planning to drink - one bottle of wine, say - & start drinking late enough that I won't be tempted to go out & get more, that I'm generally content with what I've bought. if there was more in the house then I'd continue drinking just because it was there

I'm increasingly finding that if I have an AF or moderate night, then I'm able to go out & do enjoyable things the next day, which I wouldn't have been able to do if I was hungover, & hence get positive reinforcement from that. I think I've found the switch between feeling deprived of not drinking/drinking less to gratitude for the results of doing that. once you lift yourself out of the AL fug - even just briefly - & start to see the benefits, then it starts to be a real incentive

pushing for some AF days sounds like a good idea, but do be careful going cold turkey off two bottles of wine a day. you might want to think about tapering down a bit before going AF

all the best

-badger

SnapDragoon, Badger is right, you ARE seeing results from what TSM does. What you describe is exactly what should happen.

Most of what you're doing is habit. You will see things very differently as you get away from heavy daily drinking. Your mind will clear, and your attitude toward alcohol will change. It becomes a cycle, Less Alcohol = more Clarity, more clarity = less alcohol, etc .

Clarity is the best thing ever, and after you regain it, you won't let drinking take it away.

Stay the course, you're on your way !!

Snap it sounds like the Nal has worked, so yes, I think you should explore the results.

If you're not craving that first drink and don't feel compelled, then don't drink.

One thing I can almost guarantee you is that you will (after a day or two or three AF) feel like you have a ton of energy, so come up with a plan for dealing with that......jogging, power walking, yoga, anything. Also try reading an hour before bed, it will help you sleep.

Snap

I agree with Badger and Guapo;

If you no longer have the cravings then the power is within you to stop BUT we are not rats, humans can overpower physical urges with their own brain, rats cannot do that.

Twenty years of drinking however is one strong, long relationship and it sounds like you are terrified of giving it up and I'm not surprised.

It will initially take all your strength, I had to lock the door, put on PJs, no alcohol in house and go to bed early the first couple of times. Life without booze is also not easy, however there are huge benefits once you start to see the world without a drink in you (and you will be starting the day under the influence if you drink 2 bottles of wine each night). Have a think and decide what your brain really craves.

UKB - what you said was interesting - yes, our relationship with AL had been a long one and it is going to be scary giving it up. I am only a month in and my intake hasn't changed much since that first week, when it did go down - but I still automatically have that first drink. The only way right now that I could have an AF day is to take some Antabuse and I have considered that - I have some. But I want the Nal to work for me without resorting to the AB - when I take that I am fine with not drinking so know that it is just habit !!

Part of my problem is that I do not drink enough for it to affect me the next day - I do not do hangovers so am not seeing any benefit from the cutting down in that respect. I also feel that I must find something else to 'do' when I do not drink ....I feel a bit as if I am floundering when I stop after my three these days ... so what do I do then ? Or even what do I do before I pour that first one? I have my first one as I walk in the door so start in the afternoon ...around lunchtime. I need to change my day around maybe and try and not have that first one so early.

Just thinking out loud really - but things that have gone through my mind.

Snapdragon - I agree with the others in that if you are just having the AL out of habit then you do have to make a conscious effort to NOT have it. Easy to say I know - I am in the same boat ....

Hang in there, Hugs, Maggie xx

heya Snap,

agreeing with and feeling your frustrations, very similar that we both can see changes but they don't seem to relate in anyway to the actual amount we are drinking.

I too have a habit, stay at home and have a drink, I honestly don't know what to do with myself at home if I don't do that its so engrained to my life at the moment.
Now I know anyone from the outside would say.. get a hobby, do something and you know what I do/have, but you cant do something and have a hobby every night because sometimes I just need to sit still and do nothing; just unfortunately that now means drink.

I will say one thing though that does improve my mood no end, and that is not to force an AF day but to engineer one. So the last two nights I have been out singing (one local rock choir and another close harmony choir) I have to drive and this means no drinking for me, I also sometimes go and see a film. NOW this doesn't solve the staying at home and drinking habit BUT it does give me a break from taking the Nal, getting a bit of endorphin time and reflecting that this can still work.

I still have a few months supply of Nal and will be seeing it through no matter how frustrating it can be