I feel really scared for him right now. I don't want him back, but I'm terrified because I haven't heard a word from him. Usually he would have reached out in an emotional plea or apology. Maybe, its a good thing and he is finally ready to let me go, but I'm scared for his safety.

Is he on social media? You could still be friends-lite that way.

overit I'm sorry for what you're going through, especially at Christmas time.

I think Melissa is making a wise and compassionate suggestion. This will give him the information to make an informed decision. TSM doesn't work for everyone but as far as I can tell it's hands down the most workable solution available.

No, he is not on social media. He did send me a text a few minutes ago. We just said we both want to be alone and left it at that. He did ask if I was going to get back with a previous ex, but I didn't even respond to that. I'm glad to have heard from him, because now I know he is not going to try to beg for me back or throw a guilt trip. Most importantly, I know he did not try to harm himself or get into an accident. He has made references to suicide before, so that is what worried me the most. I am glad I have the info on TSM now, but am holding back any attempt at trying to "fix" him unless he indicates he is wanting to rededicate himself to recovery or asks for help. The more I am coming to terms with detachment, the more I realize he needs to get better more than I want him to get better. It's like I'm doing all this research, but what is he doing? I have the knowledge if he gives any indication he is ready for it. But otherwise I don't want to "dictate him" like he has told me before when my talk about his alcoholism makes him angry. I am giving him the freedom to do what he wants.

I think you did the right thing. Stand tall, don't look back and don't waver. If it was meant to be, he will change, not you. Makes no sense to be in a relationship with someone who's not on the same page. Life is too short. IMHO

I sent him an email with resources about TSM. I felt bad withholding information that could help him with his struggles. He texted back, " I HATE WOMEN." So... I think he is just brewing in anger and resentment and not willing to acknowledge his role in the breakup, let alone his role in ruining his life. Oh, well, I did what I could. I know he gets it deep down, but can't consciously face the truth. I do feel bad that he will be in such a miserable place over the holidays, but I can only enjoy mine and wish him peace and happiness. Moving on...

He sounds like a dipsh--.

Hahaha!!! He is when he's angry and drunk or in his hungover phase, this is the latter. Sober for a bit and he is Prince Charming. I had never met someone so romantic, compassionate, and chivalrous before him... and then the alcoholic reality came to light. Even when he's "normal" drunk he is fun loving, although doing irrational things and being in another world. He uses that fact as a reason to say his drinking isn't a problem. It's like, "Oh I don't hurt anyone or drive drunk, so it's fine, I'm not a monster." This current phase will pass and then he will realize what really happened and try to apologize and win me back. But, I'm not starting the cycle again this time. I know it will never change. It's like the "The Never Ending Story", except it's "The Never Ending Nightmare".

or, indeed, like a pretty standard drunk

enjoy the holidays overit. you've done what you can, the sad fact is that it's virtually impossible to change a drunk unless they want it for themselves too

It's virtually impossible to change other people at all.

I hope you had a good solo holiday.