That is very helpful to know. I've said in other posts that it's like I finally got a toy that I have been after for 30 years and I want to play with it for awhile before having to let go. What shocked me was that I really wanted to drink versus just toying with it under the 'protection' of Nal. I can see where folks can easily go off the protocol when under duress just to feel that rush and relief. Golden rule forever.

I think you nailed it here for me. I have a long history with pass/fail abstinence via 12-step programs, so yeah, once I hit a couple AF days I started to obsess about them. Once I broke the seal earlier this week the old guilt train punched my ticket again so each drink was like a dozen. As a lifetime people pleaser, I also realize that I am trying to impress the addiction counselor and frankly everyone on this board with a mile-wide meteor blast extinction versus a gradual one. Trust the science.

Personally, I kind of worry when I see posts about af days so early in the protocol. I'm glad in a way and I was as guilty too in wanting them at first. But, it is my personal belief from being a little further in the protocol that you maybe cheating yourself in the long run by not allowing the extinction process to mature as fast as it can for you. Or ....you are prolonging your recovery to the extent your conscious mind can prevail and then having to restart TSM protocol. To me ....its just not necessary at this time for you to even concern yourself with. Remember, TSM is a scientific approach. Its as if it works at or on a level that gives your conscious mind its information. Unfortunately we are not allowed in the operating room of the nal. We never really know what's going on or how much time it needs to work. But if you pay attention, you begin to notice certain subjective changes. The conscious mind begins to think different and your behaviors change. Your drinking habits change dramatically. You get what you initially wanted with no effort. Don't get me wrong, af days are great. And if you have a way to get there and stay there, I'm happy for you and goal accomplished. Just don't underestimate the true power of extinction in your zeal to be healed. Be patient, stay the course, beat this problem so it never comes back. My 2 cents only, it means nothing.

plantpr0 - thanks for your $.02. Your experience is very valuable and I am definitely chalking up my initial experience to initial experience I am trying hard to let the science work and not inject too much of my baggage on the process. I'll be having a beer tonight, and paying close attention.

Cheers!

I like what you say plantpr0

My plan is to let it do it's thing for a month or two and then start working with washout days to get back to things I know and love but have kinda lost track of due to my drinking. A day on the boat with my kids, a sober round of golf with a buddy, an intense Bikram session, a good workout.......

Week 7 complete. Drink count went up this week from 14 last week to 23. Only hit 5 one day. The mental game is weighing in a bit. Life without looking forward to and experiencing the comfort of the alcohol rush is different, and not necessarily better yet. However, life without drinking 10 drinks a day is much much better, if you know what I mean.

Seems many of us here in the current class of 2014 are feeling some level of frustration with perceived progress. We follow sound guidance to trust the process even if drinking levels have stayed high or creep higher over weeks or months of faithful protocol. For me, I struggle on a daily basis with continuing to drink "normally." I had a profound two week honeymoon period with several days of no effort AF days early on. It established a belief inside that Nal can work for me long term. I desperately want this to work. I don't want my numbers creeping back up. I don't want a hangover tomorrow or next week. And it does not feel right to me to force myself to drink more when drinking less is doable while taking Nal. Does this mean I will fail? Hell, I don't know.

Truth told my experience so far with TSM is mixed-positive. No question in my mind Nal works for me. Most drugs do. I don't have the same rush or glow after the first few drinks, or the insane drive to keep drinking until I run out or pass out. I still could mind you, but I do make an effort not to. I had a strong initial reaction to Nal with no real side effects. The effect was squarely on my drinking. It changed my alcohol intake and attitude toward actually controlling this beast. But I struggle as I continue to drink and I watch my drink count start to creep up again. I feel like I am playing with fire. For me personally where I am today, I am going to actively try to keep my drink count somewhat in check rather than just let it fly if I feel like it. The Nal does help me with this which is also part of the science behind why I am taking it.

I think you are doing real good. Your drinking is in safe limits and you've finished 7 weeks and acclimated well to TSM protocol. I understand the confusion and it will work it out for the better. You KNOW this isn't a conscious mind thing. Although it wants to be the center of attention, it's not. Keep the course, trust the science. Your approximately half way there where the majority start having a different relationship with alcohol. Journal well and it will become apparent.

Week 8 is in the books. Dropped back down from last week's total without much effort. Wasn't trying, wasn't not trying, just was. Had a couple of AF days too. Wife and I had our anniversary this week and went to dinner. Had a drink in the bar before sitting and left a few sips. God I use to despise people who do that. Didn't even want a drink when we sat down for dinner, but was a little antsy so I ordered an $11 Duvel and sipped it. I left at least a quarter of it. It was surreal. I was sitting there eating, watching the alcohol rise in my wife who was having the rare second martini, and I kept trying to take sips and they got smaller and smaller. Then I just reached for the water. Who is this?

I have mind-f'd myself over and over these past several weeks. Am I drinking too much, too little, forcing AF days, forcing myself to drink days. I started this protocol with a lot of AA baggage and the longer I experience life without the desert thirst, as they say, the less it matters. I suddenly realized that I don't have to think about this anymore as long as I follow the Golden Rule - and do a few other things I have been doing in support of my overall health. And with that, I can honestly say that what I am feeling toward alcohol is creeping steadily toward the point of indifference ... most of the time.

This next week I am again going to toss everything I think I know about all of this out the window, take my Nal and just live and let the drinks fall where they may.

Keep the faith. Trust the science.

Hi triplab

I'm a week behind you, I've also had experiences now which defiantly tells me Nal is working. I have also come to the same conclusion to stop worrying and follow the golden rule.

Of course it would be great to see a beautiful extinction curve and see my drinking falling like the autumn leaves from the trees but for most of us we just have to wait and offer each other hope and support.

You are doing great, my pattern is stubbornly stuck with few if any af days. Your own pattern looks healthy and if it's happening by itself without your higher mind intervening all the better. IMHO I wouldn't worry too much if ithe drinking goes up again or bounces around. Just follow the GR and I will see you on the other side in a few months time.

Tonight I have finished week 9 taking Nal, embracing TSM, and aggressively seeking holistic change. I was in a dark place and have been for a long time. On the outside it may not have been obvious. Probably like a lot of folks who have the wherewithal to find this method, I was functional but miserable and suffering. I hid my drinking from the world and managed to pour 10 or so drinks daily down my trap starting the minute I got in my car after work with road beers for the commute. I would sometimes check the traffic report for the biggest back ups and go that route so I could drink more and justify to my wife why I was late. Easy to do in Silicon Valley where the only certainties are death, taxes, and traffic. Coming home with a water bottle full of vodka every evening was the norm. I was reflecting today with an addiction counselor I see about the progress I have made in just 9 weeks. F'ing blows my mind after 20+ years spinning in circles in and out of 12-step recovery and anything else I could find. The best thing my "higher power" has ever done is help me find Naltrexone and TSM.

Anyway, last week I wrote that I was done worrying about drinking more, or less, or having AF days, and would just let it flow as normally as I felt. I did just that. I drank when I wanted to and gave myself every opportunity to drink more. I ended up having some really good tasty beers, sipping and enjoying them. No struggle, no effort. Ended up with 8 drinks total for the week and 3 AF days. Didn't try, didn't not try, just did.