Plantpro and Magda, Thanks for making my morning a little brighter by checking in on me. I was considering the AA route just to shake the loneliness I feel with this alcoholism, but think I will work on adhering to the golden rule. I was starting to see progress with TSM and got selfish (another learning experience) I had intended on AF, but the cravings came back with a vengeance and I'm away from the hubby and don't have to worry about disappointing him. My grown boys are with me, but I obviously wasn't concerned with disappointing them. I'm going to have to have the "I can't have alcohol around speech" with them and ask them for their support since they will be home for a couple of months. Again, I thought I had the willpower, but its too difficult w/o the nal. The vacation week followed by pain pill detox really did me in. I found myself chasing the endorphin high. So here I sit with some rather large units behind me.

I need to be honest here; the past few days I thought about claiming I had a bunch of AF days. Seriously? I don't know where that comes from, but I'm sure it wouldn't help anybody's recovery, especially mine. Humility, and venerability can be a good thing, so I'm putting myself out "there". The plan for me today is to start titrating up on the Nal. Hugs, Keek

Oh this is where I tried to convince my self that alcohol isn't a problem if I can mange a few days a week without it. The alcohol brain was totally in control. Hugs, Keek

Yep, alcohol was definitely in control.

Glad all good Keek. It seems you have a good handle on things and are doing fine. I maybe switching over to the camp that thinks you are too hard on yourself. Curious, are you able to be more present, mindful when you drink on nal? Does the alcohol have a sedative effect you like? Not so much the buzz? Keep up the good work, good to hear from you. Applause

Hey Kek,
Like Plant said, you are being hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can while trying to figure this all out. You seem committed to making change and that is great. Congrats!

I know that I drink to reduce my anxiety as well. Maybe some Gaba would be good for me too! I do get a sedative effect from the Nal which has really improved my sleeping. Or maybe not drinking as much as helped. Who knows.

Keep up the good work and keep us in the loop!

Justme

GABA supplements don't cross the blood-brain barrier, so it may be wise to use something to agonize GABA receptors that does (e.g. baclofen or acamprosate). All alcoholic beverages agonize GABA receptors (not just wine), and if you are using alcohol to self-medicate (and it sounds like you are), then GABA may be where it's at. But, it could also be serotonin, so something like a 5-HTP or l-tryptophan supplement or a prescription like ondansetron or an SSRI might be helpful.

I do think you are being too hard on yourself. Two or three drinks a night sounds perfectly moderate to me, and if you're managing to do that - even some of the time - then I think there is reason to be sanguine about your ability to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

I hadn't realized how helpful this forum has been until I stopped checking in. I just got lazy and the guard went down. It's amazing how therapeutic it can be to converse with like minded, nonjudgmental folks such as yourselves. I've missed y'all.

Just to be honest here, I was finally starting to see some results with the Nal when I chose to not take it while on vacation. Now, I have to start all over again. I probably would have thrown in the towel and given up completely had I not seen the positive results.

I went back and deleted posts and am acclimating back on the Nal.

Hugs, Keek.

Taking the Nal now.. Need to acclimate and don't want to talk myself out of it later. I'm actually excited to get this show on the road.

It seems as though the Nal has some sedating effect. Funny, I hadn't really noticed it before. Perhaps part of its benefits is to calm. Hmmmmm

good luck Kekede, hope you don't have any side effects and that this time it all goes smoothly