I'm calling it! The last couple days, as a test, I have decided that I am free to ruminate on how fun drinking is and free to fantasize about perfect drinking scenarios and all the "good times" that I'm missing. I discovered that drinking holds no appeal. I asked myself if I could have one final, epic, all-day drunk without consequence if I would do it. I would not. I don't want to be drunk. Getting drunk sounds gross. So, I'm calling it.

Background...
I started drinking in my mid-teens, and started drinking problematically immediately. I remember the first time I got drunk deciding that I wanted to stay that way forever. I never drank moderately, not even on rare occasions. I always drank until I puked or passed out or both. I became a daily drinker in my 20's. Sparing the gory details, I've had the typical problems that result from such behavior (e.g. lost jobs, broken bones, hospitalizations, arrests, damaged relationships, etc., etc.). I eventually quit drinking liquor as a harm reduction measure (I don't remember when) and settled on beer and wine. For the last few years my intake has averaged 1.5-2 bottles of cheap wine or 10-12 beers nightly, mostly at home by myself. Drinking led to a fair amount of drug abuse (mostly cocaine) as well, with the concomitant horrifying experiences.

I have tried to identify the reasons why I drank so much, but all I can really come up with is that I liked being drunk more than I liked being sober. Not flattering or insightful, but it's all I got.

I have been trying to quit drinking for at least a decade. I have tried antabuse, Campral, baclofen, orthomolecular therapy, AA, psychotherapy, Rational Recover, SOS, hypnoses and outpatient rehab. Once I abstained for two months - not due to any particular treatment, but just with willpower, but most attempts failed within a day or two. I feel like I've read a hundred books on how to stop drinking.

Then, six weeks ago I started TSM. The first couple of weeks were brutal, but it got easier every day. I have been 100% compliant. I experienced mild side-effects for a couple of days. Now, drinking has no appeal. Naltrexone gives me the ability to have a beer or a glass of wine in social situations, but outside of that I'm happy to be a teetotaler. It is a completely weird and wonderful feeling to feel this indifferent to alcohol. I have had the same beer in my refrigerator for weeks now. I don't have to avoid triggers. This is real freedom. The nightmare is over. Even if the cravings return due to stress or some other reason, I know exactly what to do, so it doesn't scare me at all. I'm excited about my future for the first time. I know that my life, my brain and my body will continue to heal from all the abuse I inflicted, and I feel very lucky and grateful.

Thanks so much to everyone on this forum, especially those who have had success and stuck around. I intend to stick around and pay it forward. We have got to make this available to more suffering people.


Following are Magda's tips for TSM success:
1. At first, instead of waiting until an hour before drinking, take naltrexone at the first thought of not taking it. For me, this was usually mid-afternoon.
2. Count every drinking session after following the Golden Rule as a success no matter how much you drank.
3. Think of the frustration of drinking on naltrexone like you would the soreness from exercising - a good thing. I was told it's the dying addiction making a lot of noise. The more noise it makes, the faster it's dying.
4. If you crave a drink, take a naltrexone, wait an hour and drink. Don't force AF days.
5. Take NAC, vitamin C and thiamine before, during and after drinking to prevent nal-overs and help your liver a bit.
6. Always carry a naltrexone. See tip #1.
7. Make an effort to take care of yourself (I neglected this for years), focusing on things that help your mood (e.g. rest, exercise, sunshine, diet, etc.).
8. Avail yourself of SMART Recovery's free cognitive behavioral therapy worksheets and use them to address distorted thinking.

Tonight it's time to celebrate! I'm thinking spaghetti, cuddling with my cats and a good book will work. I love the new normal. And I love you guys.

So happy for you Magda! Well done ... Applause

All the applause and congratulations in the world.

That is fantastic! Congrats!

Congratulations! It's clear you did it right

Congratz!

Amazing how many things you tried. Persistence paid off in the end.

Welcome to the club.

Thanks, everyone! The support here has been amazing.

Congratulations! Short and sweet, for sure. I didn't "call it" until I went 30 days AF, but I had a similar experience as you and might as well have said I'm cured pretty early on.

Just a tip here from the other side (Day 175 AF in a row for me)...I'm not one to use the corny words "healing" and "journey" very often, but in my case, I'd say I've had to go through a looong journey of healing my brain and body from the years and years of alcohol. It's still going on every day, but it's really not as dramatic anymore. In my opinion, Naltrexone itself can hinder this healing journey, so I always advise (again, just my opinion) taking your cured state and really racking up numerous AF days instead of becoming a moderate Nal+Al drinker. What's been most rewarding for me is slowly being able to approximate nearly every positive I got from alcohol, all without alcohol, with a new lifestyle and outlook on life. Much of it, I suppose, is endorphin-related. I'm at the point where alcohol would really cramp my style and make life much worse if I were to resume it. There wouldn't be a single positive.

Again, way to go and booya to you.

Thanks, Barry. I intend to take your advice. I'm not going to count AF days, but, like you, my goal is to be pretty much a teetotaler and get high on life, as they say. I will probably continue to nal+al on the occasional social occasion, just because I like being normal for once. I like the security of carrying a naltrexone in my purse, but at present the thought of never drinking again doesn't bother me at all. I hope that continues.

On the subject of endorphins, I dissolved a nal in water and have been taking a couple of droppers at bedtime (~ 3 mg) in an effort to up-regulate receptors that have been hammered to death. Has anyone else tried doing this?

There are websites that talk about low dose nal. I briefly researched it to see if i could get away with taking less than the full sinclair method dose (short answer: no).

What I would be concerned with is upregulating the receptors, then taking a full nal before drinking. You could have an experience like my first dose of nal: opiod withdrawal with full halucinations (check my first post here for the gory details).

You might also consider that those of us with a propensity towards alcoholism just might have plenty of these receptors working overtime already.

Or maybe thats not how it works. Not sure.

Good luck, be careful, and if you really want to be a guinea pig plz report back to us