Just a quick check in. Since my last posts, I've managed to get back on track and I'm feeling much better about life, the universe and evrything. I've closed my online casino account (I'm fed up with giving them so much of my money and time), I've signed up for some voluntary work with a children's group, I've made a concious effort to organise some nights out with friends and I'm making the effort to get out of the house more. More importantly, there's been no more drinking without Nal and I'm back to AF Mon to Thursday. I realised that I really have to force myself out of the rut. Once I'm doing things my mood improves, which automatically decreases my desire for all the other crap. Thanks Melissa for your link to the cracked article...it helped

On the drinking front, I don't think I've done too much damage by drinking without the Nal. Even without it I still couldn't drink much and I've gone back to 4 AF per week without difficulty. That's not to say it wouldn't become a problem if I kept doing it...more that I think I've gotten away with it. Even after all this time (39 weeks) I'm finding that the Nal continues to have an effect on me. For quite a while I still wanted to drink and enjoyed it when I did, but I'm now finding myself less and less bothered by it and the taste of wine is starting to change. It's fairly subtle, but there's only about 2 wines that I now actually like the taste of and even they're becoming a bit iffy. I've also started to get hangovers after just a couple of glasses. I don't know if that's the Nal or if it's just that my body's less used to it but it's not good. I'm thinking of taking half a tab on my next night out to see if it makes a difference.

Anyhoo, that's all for now. We've got the decorators in and I'm off to the shops to choose some paint

Ruthy,

Good to hear that you are back on track. It's also a good thing that you've reconciled with the universe. I don't think you want to be cross with it. I'm finding that I still have to force the AF days, but once I do it I feel so much better. I'm also glad to hear that the experience of drinking is changing for you. It has for me as well. I simply don't find it enjoyable any longer. I'm doing it more out of habit now than ever. But do watch out for those times that you drink without the NAL. They can really sneak up on you and quickly undo all of the hard work that you've put in. Have a great rest of the week!

Check in time again and all's good in the hood

I seem to have settled into a fairly consistent weekend-only drinking pattern with AF weekdays pretty much the norm. At weekends I'll have a glass of wine (maybe two, but never three) with dinner and that's me done. I don't have the urge to drink anymore. It's strange...I recently realised that the voice in my head which was constantly planning drinking, or worrying about how much I was drinking, has fallen silent. I don't know when it happened...there wasn't a specific day or incident...but when mulling over my drinking I suddenly realised that it wasn't there any more. Bit of an anti-climax really as I'd expected there to be some big lightening bolt moment! Instead, it's been a slow erosion of previous habits, patterns and thought processes. I just don't think about (or worry about) my drinking any more.

Happily, I've reached the place that I wanted to get to when I started with TSM. I know there's a lot of debate on here about the term cured and I don't really know or care whether I am or not. These are some of the things that tell me I'm at my own point of resolution

*I'm well within the UK guidelines for "safe" drinking
*Alcohol free days are easy and without thought or effort
*I drink much like people who I consider "normal" drinkers (actually, probably less than)
*I no longer obsess about drinking
*I don't feel the need to track my units anymore
*I haven't been drunk at all since starting TSM
*I can always remember everything the next day
*I get a hangover after 2 glasses of wine...so I never have more than that
*I haven't had a drunken, over-emotional cry fest since starting
*I'm not ashamed to put my bottle bin out for recycling
*I've stopped the vodka
*I don't drink at lunchtimes
*I don't fall asleep in the afternoon after a lunctime glass of wine
*I don't think "God, I need a drink" after a busy or stressful day
*I don't have to "sober up" before I go on the school run...cleaning my teeth to hide the smell of alcohol from the other mums

These are just some of the changes that I have noticed that make me happy and there are lots more too. Life still has it's ups and downs and can be pretty crappy at times but I've learnt that wine doesn't take that away...nor does cream cakes, chocolate or online slots! I'm learning to do things differently, which is good. Alcohol is still in my life, but I now have a completely different relationship with it. I don't love it, need it or crave it. It's not a friend I turn to or a crutch when things are hard. It doesn't give me dutch courage, make me more outgoing or take away my anxieties. I still like the taste of it and enjoy a glass of wine with a meal...but that's about it. Job done!

That's so awesome! Sounds like "cured" to me -- as cured as any of us get, at least.

This in particular struck me:



When we aren't addicted, we can learn from consequences. Addicts drink in spite of unpleasant consequences, but you aren't an addict any more.

Hooray for Ruthy!

Congratulations Ruthy I am delighted to see all the progress you have made . Can I ask how long you were on Tsm to arrive at where you are now as I know like myself and others you are on Nal for a while now . All the best and congrats again . J.

I like the way that sounds!

Thanks for all your support along the way Melissa. You have been very encouraging and a great source of information. I really do appreciate the time and effort you put into this forum.

Jokerman, I've been on TSM for 42 weeks now, which seems like a long time but it has really flown by. I've always felt that slow and steady would work for me. There was a lot of emotional stuff caught up in my drinking and I think I needed time to deal with that. I needed to unlearn the patterns and habits and slowly adjust to life with less booze. I probably could have pushed it and done it quicker, but I'm more than happy with how things have worked out. I think the Nal is continuing to have an effect though, and I wouldn't be suprised if I drink less and less until it finally dies out completely. We'll see.
How are things going for you?

Ruthy,

That is wonderful news. Apparently you have managed to run the course of H.O.P.E. I am so happy for you. Please keep us updated on your progress.

Thanks JMS.

When I was at one of my lowest points I saw a sign in a shop which said H.O.P.E....Hold On Pain Ends. At that time it made me cry so much that I thought I'd never stop, and I wanted to use it in my title as a reminder. Now I can read it and smile. My sister, whose death really was a catalyst for so much of my pain, used to say "if you lose hope you lose everything". Well, I didn't lose hope and I held on and now things are really looking up