And again I should check in with this forum more often, because I got just so into somebody else's life story that I decided to post it also on my own thread (a long version, don't read if you're not interested... )

I live in the Netherlands, Amsterdam, and have been trying off and on with Nal within the last 6 months. However, I break the golden role many too often because I couldn't get shipping in by some pharmacy (which cost me a fortune), so I finally got a prescription by my doctor saying that I have a problem (I had a burnout two years ago, and use(d) alcohol to sleep) and want to stay sober for some time (longer than a week, which has been my maximum in the last six months...) and got 90 pills for free! Had I know that before, I wouldn't have spent 4 $ a pill...

Everyone on this forum has a past. The only way we deal with is is wrong. Having a party with a drink, is OK in my eyes and is never a problem. But when stress/not being able to sleep/anxiety kicks in, it's a different story and not a right solution for me and I think for many of us.

I had no problem with drinking in my student period, but when I got into a relationship with a bipolar boy with psychosis problems and had uncountable mental instutitionalizations with him, before we broke up, I got into a survival strategy which meant don't share your problem with anybody (especially not the ex BF), because I needed to be the strong one and sharing a problem would get him over the edge (he said c*tt*ng his wrists if I would leave him).

I have had a fairly careless childhood, although I have always been very naive and willing to please others. With a very protective mother I must say, who still argues with me about I take care about my cats and how of if I iron towels of bedsheets or not (?!?). Mental note; should get cleaning lady.

Does family influence you as well? I think so, my mom is English and comes from a mineworkers family in England, Yorkshire. Have been there a few times but they all emigrated in the 50's and 60's and although I've travelled a lot, never been to Canada and the part of Australia ('only three hours driving of Melbourne!') where they lived when I visited the country, I never went to, I stook to the city, St Kilda's...

My granddad had the choice to go into the mines or intor the army. He chose the army at 13 and smoked since that day and fought in North Africa and other countries during 2nd World War. He met my grandmother during the liberation of Holland in the Hague in 1945, and otherwise, I wouldn't have been here.

There were happily/unhappily married for 55 years before they died of lung cancer and another cancer.
After they died, my mum started drinking more (I had no drinking problem back then, I was 24), but losing your parents in such a short time and also with such a history of England/Netherlands, still born child, homesick from both sides and poverty did not help. My mum collapsed and started drinking more.

I had a Bipolar II boyfriend at the time who had a psychosis. It become too much. I wanted to take care of everyone, but just couldn't. I fled for 6 months after my mums depression and after my boyfriends period in the mental institution for 4 months to Asia and Australia.

I had the time of my life and I don't regret one thing I did there. I never cheated, although I was the only non-bachelorette I danced on tables, had parties, amazing nature trips, met people, learned new skills, and experienced ultimate hapiness and freedom.

I came back and my life came back to normal. I wanted to go into FMCG (Procter & Gamble etc), but thought that wouldn't be my thing. So I interviewed for a management traineeship at a bank... time being feb 2007... Before the world of finance started to collapse

Now after my studies, I work in the bank sector and have had countless reorganizations and work stress. I just can't deal with it in the right way and combined with the unprocessed feelings which I suppressed after I got nightmares about the mental institutions my ex BF was taken too and put in isolation cells, it made me work harder and ignore my feelings. I started taking alcohol to sleep, but that ended up in a burnout and not working for 3 months. And made me feel like a total failure. Negative feelings about myself were not allowed in my world, I was the positive person and a burnout when you are 31?? I am 33 right now, and two years made a hell of a difference.

During the time of my burnout, I temporarily moved in with my parents (had my shared house in Amsterdam, but couldn't be alone during the day, anxiety as my partner during the day, not in the sense of not going out in public, but just not dare to be alone with your misery and feelings because I wasn't used to that).

I chose myself to go to a private clinic fo find out what was wrong, was tested in every way (I studied psychologiy myself, so everything somebody told me I might possibly have, I googled and recognized SOMETHING and in my worst times, I thought I had a burnout, depression and anxiety disorder for the rest of my life and had drank my brains to hell. And that was about two years after it got ouf of hand... I can be scared, never in public (rather go out than sit at home alone), rather try weird things like being an entertainer in Mallorca during my studies while I can't even sing and dance... I never thought I would be labeled like 'such a person'.

I can have panic attacks, but if you go into an institution everything is presented to you as being possible. And me being a control freak, and a psychologist myself... that didn't work.

I had extensive research (dit not try to recognize the tests), but it turned out to be an anxiety order NAO (not otherwise specified, so not in public or people, mostly to turn up in stress situations).

After three months, I started working again, I finally! got my drivers license, bought a house last year and have my life back on track, I even dare to date again. I am even dating again although I have trust issues because my last relationship of 5 years costed me all my effort and confidence which I ever gave to somebody.

I look younger than I am and it's easier to hang around with a 27 year old (although I am 6 years older), but it will not get me into a serious relationship. And I am scared of that.

How do you that? Do you tell your story? I have a problem with A? I can't sleep and I keep track of AF days? I told my parents recently and they literally told me I was telling them a piece of crap, although they're both universally educated and my mum sometimes drinks too much. Your will power should be enough? I said yes, but if I have a helping tool, why not try?

BTW, my parents are not AA people in any way, my dad barely drinks, my mum does, she's from the Irish/English side... got the wrong gene's then but also the survival genes. I will try, no I will not break the 1 hour rule anymore. Otherwise I might feel the effect might never really work because I do it loosely loosely and will never really break through...

Also, I am following a ten month course Neuro Linguistic Programming course (weekend course, so ten weekends, during ten months), which makes me conscious of all the patterns that make me not putting boundaries, feeling myself responsible for everything and although you wouldn't say if you met me in personal life (I am the happy the peppy girl/woman with tons of energy), I have felt depressed and a failure because all of my own expectations of myself couldn’t be made true when I had a burnout. And did tell no one untill I fell apart...

I use alcohol to sleep and to keep out stress of my daily working life (when I couldn't sleep). I should get out of this business, because on one hand it gives me pleasure to work within a large banking corporation and have a lot of ideas that I can put into action, but on the other hand the competition, high profile behavior and backstabbing are a part of my daily business and I wonder if that will make me happy in the long run.

To wrap up my story, is you cannot tell somebody ‘get over it’, that is a personal process and is different for everybody. However you can take action, see, take all the tools you have, to have insight in your problems and to deal with them and use the right ones for yourself which apply to your personal situation.

For most of us, Nal is one of them, but if also requires a lot of personal effort. It is not a miracle pill or placebo, habits are weird things (originally designed from evolution to make life simpler… logical?) that are hard to break.
Good luck to you in this first period and I will keep following your thread.

Bye,

Girlamsterdam

It sounds like you have a good plan, at least.

How is the NLP working? I tried that, years ago, and thought it was okay. It didn't make a lot of sense as science, but it worked okay as self-programming and mindfulness, and that was all I really needed from it. I still use it to cure hiccups.

If you don't grind through the utter boringness of their first book, "the structure of magic vol 1" none of it makes much sense.

I need to reread it, it has been too long.

I was pretty good back in the day, though I mostly used it to perform stupid parlor tricks for my own amusement.

Did you ever find anyone gullible enough to fall for the "embedded commands" bit?

Hehe. Not on their own. You can go a long way with some anchoring though. A lot of it was overblown, gotta sell conferences somehow.

Dont you .feel that. (touch to anchor) could be a good thing?

Hi girlamsterdam. Thank you very much for telling us your story. I found it very interesting, and you made some valid points. Simply stopping drinking does nothing to resolve all the underlying issues. That's what I'm working on now.

I hope the NLP helps you understand yourself better, and gives you some more tools!!

Thanks
Babs

Hi all,

It was over a month ago that I posted, and had two NLP weekends in the mean time. Including the Milton model techniques . However, anchoring helps me a lot in not going or more trying to control panic attacks, which I seem to have more recently.

I started take Diazepam some time ago, but want to stop because it is affecting my mood (makes me more 'flat'). So for extra encouragement I sent a FB message to Claudia Christian, and received a message back very quickly! That was really motivating.

So now I am trying to stick more to my plan of also always doing the one hour rule and not binging for a day in bed if I feel bad (and thus ruining the effect of Nal...) Also, I told my mother finally about the Naltrexone and she says if I think it works, she is OK with it as long as I check with my doctor.

I am afraid for withdrawal from Diazepam (I took over 10 mg's during a month, to keep away panic attacks during a very stressfull period at work, and no choice to say no...), but some tell me the period is so short that I should just stick to a month long tapering down plan. And also keeping track of everything, including my Nal intake of course and how much I drink!

So good luck to me!

PS I posted (without my real name) the message from Claudia in another thread.

Hi all,

Most of this week went OK, went sporting, took my nal as late as possible and so only drunk very late in the evening. However, the tapering of Diazepam is taking me more effort. But I want to pull through, so next week when going skiing I can sleep enough and will also enjoy the slopes, sun and the company of my friends! And some apres-ski, however moderate and with Nal!

Sounds like you're making progress. That's good to hear.

Hello, just checking in. I went skiing with colleagues for 9 days (two trips attached), we had good snow, sun and a lot of fun. I have drunk too much, but I was also still tapering off Diazepam (which I follow a scheme for, from 15 mg a night I am now at 5 - 7,5 mg a night) for my panic attacks. However, I never felt out of control. I had energy during every day to ski 25-30 kilometers and was tired at night at midnight and even slept through with 3 other colleagues in my bunk bed bedroom

Also, I seem to feel the effect of the numbing of feelings of Diazepam going away, which I am very happy of. I don't like my feelings become indifferent during the day just because I want to sleep at night. So bit by bit, I will reach my goal. And the unbelievable has happened; a lot of people have asked about Nalmefene here (being approved by the FDA, in certain countries not yet etc) and my counsellor (not my GP), but someone I speak to every 4 weeks or so about how my alcohol abuse is going, told me about good results he had with Nalmefene (I asked him myself for Naltrexone three months ago, to be abstinent), also with drinking and not continuing to drink after you take the pill before you start.

He asked me whether I wanted to try this medicine, so from the end of April, I will switch to Nalmefene (as Naltrexone still gives me a lot of nauseousness). I will report my experiences with this new medicine here. My counsellor doesn't know the golden rule yet, but does seem to have good experiences by other clients and wants me to try, so I will just change the medicine and keep following the golden rule.

I have had AF days in the mean time (not a lot, but about 5), now the challenge is to have AF days, being able to sleep and not needing Diazepam. I can easily have an AF day untill 11 PM but when I go to sleep, I need it both a little (mostly for psychological reasons) to 'dare' to go and ly in bed and wait untill I sleep.

My NLP is going great, had a rough weekend after I got back from skiing (flew back on Saturday morning at 0700 after having slept 2 hours) and had the whole weekend of course ahead of me and had no opportunity to take a day off, but I managed and slept in last Saturday for the first time in weeks.

Next weekend NLP again (they promise 11 weekends in 10 months, but it turns out the schedule is every two weeks during 2 months, then nothing during one and a half month, and then the same busy schedule again), so they need to learn to schedule...

Thanks for reading, I will try and read upon some of the other threads now!