The best laid plans.... So I went AF on Sunday and Monday of last week (1/12 and 1/13) and then my wife and I went out of town for 5 days and I ended up getting thirsty. Not over the top thirsty, but certainly more than I wanted to drink seeing as I am striving to be AF. But we were out in the desert and it was beautiful weather (no, the polar vortex did not descend on Palm Desert - it was 84 degrees F), so I said, "why not." I behaved myself for the most part, with the exception of a round of golf that I played. I went out as a single and ended up getting paired with the old couple from Caddyshack. It was so painful I had no choice but to drink as much beer as possible, and I don't even drink beer. Much less beer from the cocktail cart at $25 a six-pack. After 8 Fat Tires the golf became almost tolerable, although my game seemed to take a significant turn for the worse.

We returned on Saturday and I continued through the rest of the weekend, then went AF yesterday and today. I don't think it is the alcohol deprivation effect that's my problem. Rather, it seems that I have a stopping problem over the course of days, although not within a specific day. I can drink a specific amount of booze today or tomorrow, but I can't seem to get through a day without thinking about it several times and eventually caving on one of those days. I know that it seems like I am beating the same drum over and over again, but I have hope that it is getting easier and will continue to do so....

One of the things I've decided to change is my measurement period. I've been measuring things from Thursday to Wednesday. I started TSM on a Thursday. Upon closer inspection, this is really stupid. Not starting TSM, but the measurement period. The weekend is not a good place to start from if I am trying to reduce my consumption. That is where most of it takes place. It would be better to start on Monday and then work towards being AF during the work week and then consume over the weekend (if at all). I'll let you know how it goes.

Blue Monday.... I made it through the last five days relatively unscathed, except for yesterday. Since last Wednesday I had one AF day and had one day where I had one beer (which is essentially going AF). Over the last 7 days (I changed my measurement period) I only had 21 units. That is the lowest total since I started on TSM over nine months ago. I'm taking that as a sign of significant progress. Going AF seems to be getting easier. It appears that I am thinking about alcohol as frequently as before but the sentiments that are associated with those thoughts are less and less positive. Generally speaking, my feeling towards alcohol is becoming negative. Drinking is simply not fun any longer. I'm not sure if anyone else has had this experience. This is not what I expected. I thought that I would simply stop thinking about it, but that is not the case. I am thinking about it, but when I do, I'm actually beginning to cringe a bit.

Case in point is yesterday. We had some family over for dinner and I already had my plan worked out. I went to the store and bought dinner for a BBQ and purchased my booze. I came home and started to cook and had a drink and didn't feel anything. Of course, I had to have a second, third, and... in an attempt to get some effect, all to no avail. In the end analysis, I drank almost a pint of whiskey and didn't get buzzed at all, but did get all of the effects of a hangover. TSM, none of the buzz, but all of the pain! I guess that wouldn't be a very good slogan.

In times past, I certainly would have had remorse as well as the physical effects of a hangover in the morning like I did today. I may have even gone so far as to swear off booze.... until this afternoon. By the time I metabolized the poison I would have rationalized a reason to run the play all over again today. That is the madness of alcoholism. But today and the last several days have been noticeably different in that regard. When the thought has entered my mind over the last several days it has been accompanied by not quite revulsion, but almost a feeling of ambivalence. Like I could take it or leave it. I feel like that is somewhat of a watershed moment for me and one that I am desperately grasping and holding on to for dear life. Could this actually be working! Stay tuned....

That's intriguing.



Yeah, I can't see a marketer going for that.




That's potentially huge. I'm anxiously awaiting your next update. No, seriously, I really am.

That's potentially huge. I'm anxiously awaiting your next update. No, seriously, I really am.[/quote]

Do I detect a note of sarcasm, no?

Uh. No?

I guess I just feel like I know you, after this much time, and you're kind of a "hard case" after the intermittent reinforcement early on, and it's been a real slog for you -- so, in short, I'm rooting for you. Seems like you're reaching a turning point, and I'm anxious/curious/whatever to see if it pans out for you. That's all. No sarcasm, just well-meant interest.

Hi JMS and congrats on your experiences. You have described the results of TSM perfectly I think. Thanks for that 'slogan' too -

Babs

Melissa,

Thanks for the kind words and coaching. I meant my comment in jest. I probably shouldn't have written it and instead accepted that your concern was heartfelt and genuine, which is what I thought it was. I knew that was the case after having read so many of your posts and the obvious thought and care that you seem to put into each and every one. And also having seen so many well intended discussions go completely awry on this board. I am constantly amazed that so many people used to correspond in times past through the written word and do it very well. Now that the written word can be delivered instantaneously, it seems that the process has become a ticking time bomb. I have to constantly remind myself to step away from the key board and take a deep breath. In some cases it's best to wait overnight.

It has been a hard slog, but I have never given up hope and the encouragement that I have received from you and others here has been invaluable. I will give you an update later this week

Brilliant...sounds like you've really turned a corner.



Yay for you

So I went into last week with the intention of going AF Monday through Thursday and.... I actually achieved what I set out to do! An absolute f***ing miracle. I have not had 4 AF days in a row since starting TSM and would most likely have to go back to the summer of '69 (actually 2012) to find the last time I did that.

Then came Friday and the weekend and the Super Bowl and I drank all three days. But I am not going to despair, because I am of the opinion that on those days the drinking was clearly out of habit. Nothing more, nothing less. And that habit is slowly but surely getting broken. As I sit here on Monday, I am much more confident that I can do the same this week. In fact, I want to do the same this week. So I am hoping that I have reached that inflection point where the AF days consistently eclipse the non-AF days and the positive habits start to build and ultimately win out. After this week I feel that momentum is going to be on the AF side and that is something that I can build upon. Woo Hoo!

I will say that I have had some horrible, manic depressive moments over the last several weeks while on NAL and drinking. Those are another motivation to stop altogether. Here is to another 4 for 7 week!