Also a valid approach.

So...I couldn't sleep last night. Had a nice, simple date at a Vietnamese restaurant. No drinks. Wife was "exhausted" and crashed out, so I went to the couch. I reflected a lot on the whole alcohol and emotion thing and tried to think back over all the times (that I could remember!) that alcohol caused me to have a negative emotional reaction. It has definitely gotten worse with age. I googled it this morning (wife is STIIIIIIILLLL sleeping -- lazy bear), but wasn't able to really see how drinking changes for us over time. Again, don't know, don't care. I just know, for me, it does. Here are a couple examples in recent times:

*One Sunday, I painted the back of the house. Did a perfect job, had about four drinks (no Nal) and then made a nice dinner as the whole family was out. They came in and wife said the back looked "pretty good." Pretty good? The damn thing's perfect. GRRRR. Then, my 10 year old complained about what I cooked. That's all it took, and my emotions took over and I became very butt-hurt and angry and emotional. I quickly ate, got up, and went to the driving range where I remember going through all these emotions as I hit golf balls. At one point, though, I thought to myself, "WTF am I doing? All this because my daughter doesn't like salmon?" It was a completely inappropriate and uncharacteristic reaction.

*A few weeks ago, I planned on taking my wife out to a nice dinner date night. It was holiday season, so one of the kids had a program that went extra late. I took to sneaking vodka. I had about 4-6 shots or so. Anyway, no big deal, but I then had this overwhelming emotion take over. Angry, sad, frustrated. I literally couldn't control it. It was overwhelming me. I remember my teenage daughter sensing it and saying something to the effect of, "Don't be upset dad. You can still go out for dinner." I gave her a pouty, "No, what's the point? It's too late." Anyway (wow, I'm embarassed about the whole thing), my wife and I ended up driving in silence to some sorry hamburger place. I was still hyper-emotional and now feeling crappy due to the alcohol wearing off. We sat in that restaurant and didn't say a word the whole time. Like, I literally couldn't think of anything to say. We were "that couple" that just sits there staring at the tv in the restaurant and eating in silence. TOTALLY NOT ME. I'm usually quite the conversationalist (akin to Ron Burgundy). I actually did have to apologize to her the next day it was so bad.

*Over Christmas, I ran into my super-macho older brother, who I rarely see. (I was sober at the time). He had come from the gun range, or maybe an ultimate fighting bout, or maybe rescuing some kids from a burning building. He's 48. He looks like a freakin' badass. About the only thing I said to him was, "Is that a new wedding ring?" to which he said, "Yeah, it's platinum with a camo strip." Anyway, when he left, I started sneaking vodka and ended up leaving the festivities, going to the porch outside, and sitting there drunk and listening to country music while I had a serious pity part all related to my brother: "Why can't I shoot guns? I want to look like that. I wish I was a MMA fighter. Blah Blah Whiny Whiny." Totally ridiculous. Wasted 2 hours of my night.

*A few months ago, I'm trying to fix a nice cabinet that came detached in the kitchen. It should have been a simple job. I was quite drunk. First, I couldn't see straight and figure out how to attach it with screws (drunk tooling) and ended up having a screw that was too long that came poking out of the front of the fine cabinetry. I got so mad I threw a hammer through the wall. I mean, pure animal rage. My wife at some point came over and rudely said something like, "When were you going to tell me you messed up the cabinet?" I remember conjuring up my best evil stare and I just glaaaared at her and said something stupid I'm sure.

These are but a few short examples. I hope you can see how alcohol really destroys my frame. When I'm sober, I simply don't react in this way. I can let things roll off my back, use simple tools, utilize my sense of humor, whatever, but I pretty much NEVER, EVER have reactions like these. Over the years, these have piled up to where my wife probably thinks I'm a bit of a loose cannon. Not attractive at all. Mind you, I can have reactions like these with as little as two drinks, so it doesn't take much. I'm using this insight to motivate me towards abstinence.

(PS My extreme sleep deprivation from my job also makes me emotional, but I can generally control this. Sleep deprivation + a drink or two really sets me off.)

Oh Barry. Those emotional roller-coasters are really upsetting, I know.

Question: how are your Vit B levels? Vit B12 is involved in emotional regulation but is depleted by alcohol. Maybe start taking 1000mmg of B12 and see if it helps? If you have access to a doctor easily, you can get a blood level check of your Vit B12 levels to see if you need a supplement, or you can just try them and see if you feel better.

Best o' luck.

k3510 Thanks. I'd be surprised if my Vit B was low, but it's worth exploring. I think it's a combo of night shift + alcohol that has wreaked havoc on my brain. I'm working on transitioning to days soon, so that will at least take care of that.

Finished my 3rd week with no drinks!! It was actually kinda / sorta hard this weekend, but I chugged on (figuratively speaking). I had to drive multiple teen girls around to their houses last night, so I was really glad to be sober. Marriage problems galore, so that's what's motivating me to stay 100% AF at this time. No plans to resume. Actually, Benadryl is my savior drug at this point because it helps me not worry about falling asleep at night. I just take it an hour before sleep and WAM I'm down.

Where would we be without sleep drugs?

I'm glad you're doing well. Sorry about the family trouble, though. Anything you want to share, or is it just more of the same?

More of the same. Wife seems to want to be single or live as roommates, although she'd never admit it. No affection, no kind words, minimal duty sex. I can't give her any excuses on my part if things end (e.g. He's a drunk, he's a hothead, he's a fat slob). Aiming for perfection on my end of the deal - calm, sober, joyful, strong, and buff. We can only change ourselves. If we divorce, I'll be ready to move onto "the scene" more than prepared. I'm giving it once last year until things come to a final ultimatum.

Well, you might be surprised how many calories you have been drinking.

I can lose weight without much effort now.

I've actually gotten heavier, by about five pounds. I'm eating more junk food . . . need a better way to deal with my life.

Actually, I'm not even close to a fat slob. BMI 23 154 pounds 5'9. I'm currently trying to pack on some muscle, though she says big muscles are "gross."

Regarding diet...Last Spring when I finally dealt with my drinking, I told myself that I'd compensate for the decreased drinking by not worrying about what else I put into my body -- i.e. as much junk food, diet soda, etc... as I wanted as that would help my process. This Spring, I'm somehow magically able to stick to a healthier diet, no sugar cravings, minimal diet soda. The whole experience I'm having lately is actually quite remarkable. Of course, I'm only 22 days since my last drink and my last junk food binge, but still, it feels different compared to last year. I was thinking last night I should aim for 100 days sober (that would put me about to Easter). Then, why not 200, 300, or all of 2014?

I think part of it is just the excessive motivation to be better in hopes of salvaging / repairing my marriage and increasing my wife's attraction to me. Everyone around me thinks I'm a great guy, good looking, etc... -- she doesn't seem to care. Familiarity breeds contempt, perhaps?