Thanks, SpringRider, for sharing your story and starting this thread. Your early life is very close to being my story as well. There were four of us kids - I had a twin brother, but was always considered the oldest. Three of us kids were born 'out of wedlock,' as they used to say. My mom, who partied hard, finally got pregnant by a man who decided to marry her - but he didn't do her any great favor. My step-dad was a roaring drunk, and mean as a snake. He started molesting me when I was five (or at least that's my first memory of it), and thought nothing of bashing us all around on a routine basis. My twin brother, who had some learning condition that would now probably be diagnosed as ADD, used to get the worst of it. You can only understand twin empathy if you're a twin. . .what happened to him affected me very deeply, and vice-versa. We moved to a new place every month or two, and weren't allowed out of our yards, so I never had any friends growing up. Actually, always being the new kid in class, and dressed poorly, I was teased unmercifully. I cried at the drop of a hat - my step-dad used to love taunting me, just to make me cry so he could make fun of it. My mom would escape the house via her work, which left me in charge of the kids most of the time. Outgoing by nature, I became very reclusive.

When I was 11 years old my biological father came to town, and mom surrepticiously took me and my brother to meet him. As soon as he laid eyes on us, he knew we really were his kids - I was the spitting image of his mother, who died when he was 5 years old. My brother looked just like HIM. When he learned how we were living, he flew back out west (Vegas), bought a house, and sent tickets for my mom and all us kids to move out there with him. He co-owned a business, and was a professional card counter and pool player on the side, so did quite well. I was in the 6th grade, and it was a year from heaven. He took us shopping and bought us more nice clothes than we'd ever dreamed of. I was popular for the first time! I excelled in school, so that by the end of the year, the administration was considering allowing me to skip a grade.

Mom, though, didn't do so well. Finally free of an abusive, drunken husband, she went back to her old wild ways. Got a boyfriend. . .failed to come home at night. . .until my dad, after a year, finally gave up and sent us all back East. He did his best, but four kids were just too much for a man who had always been a bachelor. He died - was murdered by a pool stick while participating in a tournament - a year afterward.

Mom kept on partying, and CPS stepped in and had us kids all placed in a Children's Home. We were in and out of there, and various foster homes, for several years. I was pregnant at 14, and mercifully my mom's angelic sister and her husband took me in - I stayed there until graduating from H.S. (My Social Worker refused to place me and my baby in the same foster home, so I eventually arranged a private adoption so he could remain with the only family he'd ever known.)

Those were my formative years. I had another child, married, opened a successful boutique/Head Shop. . .had three children in 3 years. . .and decided it was time to get clean. (I was a heavy weekend drinker and daily pot smoker up to this time.) I decided to turn my life over to God, and quit smoking pot and cigarettes, and drinking - all cold turkey. While my children were small, I worked at writing, and became quite well known as a Christian writer. However, as I matured in my spirituality and began questioning the 'all or nothing' nature of traditional Christianity. . .it became necessary to find other markets for my work. I started a local Resume' writing service, met a number of professional people, and sequed into publishing Newsletters for several large companies. This led to publishing a small local paper - I was still also working freelance.

In 2001, my twin brother died under suspicious circumstances. He had become involved in the transport of Marijuana from Mexico to New York. . .made a ton of money. . .and another close relative whom he was trying to help out got involved. Shortly thereafter, my twin was discovered dead - supposedly from an overdose of laughing gas. His money was never found. . .and the relative in question suddenly was able to move out of the area and start up a big construction business. (He had always been unemployed, previous to this.) I spent a year proving that this relative had stolen checks and stolen at least some of my brother's money - local police thought it was obvious that he was guilty of much more, but authorities in Florida in charge of the case just turned a blind eye. During this time, my life was threatened several times. The loss of my twin completely took the bricks out from under me emotionally - and I went back to drinking wine on occasion.

I have a hobby that I began to write about, and that led to my becoming very well known in a particular niche market. I eventually published several books, and became even more well known. Before long I was being asked to travel, teach, and speak - offers I refused until my children were all grown. When I traveled, I would have a glass or two of wine at night, just to get to sleep. My husband was by now drinking heavily, and not working outside of my business. (And really, not working INSIDE it much, either!) We had a lot of marital issues coming to the surface, but I was determined to 'slug it out' to the bitter end. I grew more and more unhappy, and used all my energy toward the business. By now, I was routinely drinking a bottle of wine every night. I created some useful, unique products based on my work, and these became popular. Started a retail business on these, and when my local supplier couldn't keep up with demand, I licensed my main product to a big company. This company proceeded to capitalize on my name to gain access to my market, then copied my design and marketed it, while taking my product out of production. They also quit building the product for me, without prior notice. In short, they put me out of business.

Did I say we were finally building a house after living in a run-down old farmhouse for 13+ years? Yep - my hubby and the contractor were milking my company DRY. . .between my drinking, business problems, and being on the road so much, I didn't realize what was happening until too late. I went from operating a 1.5 million dollar a year business, to nothing, in record time. The past 2-1/2 years have been a nightmare as I've finally shed myself of a destructive marriage, bankrupted the business and myself personally, and fought off the efforts of a crooked contractor to take the one thing I still have - which is my new home. Somehow I engaged an attorney who made a difficult situation even worse. He failed to file paperwork on time. . .wouldn't communicate with me. . .made bad legal choices on my behalf. I just yesterday got a really GOOD attorney to help detangle the mess.

All through this, wine became my one true solace. . .and I was drinking 2+ bottles a day until just the last few weeks. A group of very good friends have fallen by the wayside (SpringRider is right: non-drunks do not associate with drunks.) Fortunately, most people who follow my work are unaware of all this, so I still have my market. A long time business associate with a large distributorship heard what happened to me with the predatory company, and stepped in to save my skin - he now features my products in his distributorship, and it's been a win/win situation all around. I've also met new friends - all professionals, and all drinkers. Better yet, I met a true soulmate. . .we've been together nearly a year, and I never knew life with someone could be so GOOD. He also is a heavy drinker who wants to cut back, or quit. (We'll see where this takes us.)

I truly believe that discovering Naltrexone at this point of my life is not an accident. My heartfelt desire is to return to a more spiritual place in life. . .I am a Reiki practitioner, and practice yoga and meditation. Alcohol has interfered with all that - I won't practice touch healing when my own life is not on course, and my concentration for meditation is often shot, due to hangovers. I tried to quit a couple of times, but never got more than a month or so in.

Now, for the first time in years, I have real hope for a cure to this addiction - and a chance for a truly rewarding and useful life. I am so grateful to Dr. Sinclair and Dr. Eskapa!

Goin4More
There is so much going on here that I don't know where to start. I am off to work and don't have time to give this post what it desserves. So consider this a down-payment.

I truly believe the key to survival in this life is the refusal to see yourself as victim. It is the difference between suffering and struggling. So many of us could have rolled over and said, "Oh woe is me" and layed in a ditch until we died. "Ouch my boo-boo, I quit!".

You are here because you refuse to say die. When plan A fails, turn to plan B. When plan B fails, turn to plan C. When plan C fails go back and look at plan A. The tanacity of teh human spirit will never fail you if you try.

You are living up to your moniker and that says a lot.

Thanks for contributing.

I am truly sorry I have not read this section of the board before- your life has been quite horrific Going4- but your story is also uplifting and an inspiration because you have lived through so much tragedy and sadness, yet you are still there battling to come out into the light. And you will, I am positive.

Thanks, Marbella. Actually, I don't think of my life as 'horrific,' though I've certainly faced some challenges! I've had many, many high points and better-than-average successes and experiences. My circumstances forced me to seek higher spiritual ground - and I can honestly say that, at least partly due to my spiritual inclinations, my work is not only personally rewarding, but has been of benefit to many other people over the years.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and will ultimately prove redemptive. I'm now hopeful that my addiction to alcohol may serve a higher purpose in the end, as it led me to research until I 'discovered' The Sinclair Method (which I also do not think coincidental). Since I am in the public eye. . .who knows? My cure may just be what others suffering from alcohol addiction need to see. At the least, if this proves successful for me, I am in a position to influence others to try it.

So you see, it's all good!

I do agree everything happens for a reason- maybe 'horrific' was too strong a word, but you certainly must be a very strong soul to come through this and be positive!

It does seem that your life is going well now though- just this hurdle to cross at present- I do so hope this method is the answer we are seeking.

I agree with you in that I think our history has a purpose. We are going somewhere and fate is carrying us.

You mention you are in the public eye? I am curious. Could you tell us more? You don't have to blow your cover but I would like to know what segment of the public eye you are in, in you don't mind.