Hi Everybody!

So sorry I haven't been posting, but I've had a hard time keeping up. I still read through new posts when possible, but just don't usually have time to reply. But, I want everyone to know that I still care, and want to encourage all of you to keep going - especially those of you who are new and full of fear and doubt. You've come to the right place, and this WILL work for you!

Personally, I am amazed at the difference in my drinking now compared to when I started. I just completed week 13 and things are MUCH better! Do I still drink too much - YES, but not every time anymore. One night last week, I went way overboard and got really drunk. Not quite obnoxious, but enough to really disappoint my kids. The next morning I felt awful - physically end emotionally, where that little terrifying thought creeps in....IS this really working? If so, how could I have blown it like that? The truth is, you have to look at the overall picture, and not freak out over the bad days. I'm sure I'll still overdo it at times. This holiday weekend will be a constant opportunity to drink, because even my "normal" drinking friends will be popping open beers at the crack of noon!

I see my progress as slowly going back in time, where I drank way too much on occasion (i.e. weekends), but not everyday. So instead of the slow progression of the disease, now I'm in a slow regression - if that makes sense. All I know is this is working. Slowly, but surely. So all of you with doubts - just HANG IN THERE! Everyone progresses at their own unique pace and with different drinking patterns. There will be thrilling little victories, followed by tremendous disappointments. It's just the nature of the beast, and it will not go down without a fight. Don't give up and try to be patient, even when you see others having better results earlier in the process. Remember that you're different from everybody else - no better or worse, just special in your own way. Give yourself a break when the crappy days come. Eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad.

We'll all get there - this really is a miracle!

Thanks for the encouraging post!

Great post Kris -- feeling the same way myself this past week (have nights where I am definitely overdoing it, and then bright / shiny moments). Your posts helped me keep it in prospective..

A nice slow regression. I like that

Just completed week 14, and based on the numbers - it wasn't a good week for me. However, there are some factors that explain this. First of all it was a long holiday weekend, which gave me another day of HEAVY drinking. I knew these summer weekends would be a tough pattern to tackle - drinking is steady for 12 to 14 hours on those days. Even so, I was happy with my behavior on those days, and saw that my family was as well. I'm now able to pace myself to one drink per hour, so I never really get drunk. Still, that's a LOT of beer! It will be really tough for me to extinguish drinking when surrounded by friends who are heavy drinkers. After all, we grew up partying together - especially in the summer.

The other issue was learning of an unexpected death in my extended family. It caused a surge in my depression, and I drank heavily to numb the pain. That created a serious hangover, which could only be tamed by drinking in the AM the next day. Blah, blah, blah. At least my family didn't witness this.

Anyhow, I refuse to let this get me down. I've seen good progress before, and I know it will return. My life is already MUCH better in general due to now having some control over my drinking. To the newbies out there: PLEASE don't get hung up on the numbers - they aren't the most important measure of success!

I'm back in the saddle again! Best wishes to all of you - cheers!

Amen, sista! You preach it! I think those of us in the 'tweener' stages (not cured. . .but not die-hard, hopeless drunks any longer) need to emphasize to the newcomers that there are many measures of success on this journey, other than the decrease or cessation of drinking. We can drink slower. We don't act/feel so out of control. We don't suffer horrible hangovers, or blackouts, or withdrawal symptoms.

It's all good.

And for those of you on benzos who are not *yet* experiencing these things, take heart: there will come a day when you will find the 'key' to the cure. Just so long as you DON'T GIVE UP! We're all in this together!

Hey, not sure I can do this but cut down to 25mg. today on klonipin!

LaBear, I pm'd you. PLEASE, noone try to cut benzo too fast. Ashton (recommended by Eskapa) says never more than 10% at a time, and many feel even that is too much. Cutting too fast will cause symptoms in a few days and make us GABA drinkers want to drink MORE. Our bodies can be re-trained to make GABA but the process must be slow or we will suffer serious side effects and not help TSM.

Lena, yes read your pm and replied. I do appreciate all of this. I am disgusted but I won't give up yet! To those of you fortunate enough not to be on benzo's, thank God! The jury is out for us as far as I am concerned. I am still hoping for the best but I honestly don't think this method will work
for me unless I am able to get off of them according to what I have read. I will continue to research and take the naltrexone but just to have some sign that something is happening positive would be great. I had two AF days which would be a normal pattern for me pre-sinclair, and cut my klonipin in half yesterday. I now realize that was a mistake. I decided to drink yesterday, actually my craving was a 10. I took the naltrexone and consumed about 10 units of wine! In other words I got wasted. I did not realize it was happening either, here one minute gone the next! The night was a haze, partial blackout. I awoke with a pounding heart, felt like I could have a heart attack!
It was around 4 a.m. here and so I got up and took the l/2 dose of klonipin early as I do take it in the a.m. only. Guess I will go back to taking the other half now. I can only presume it was a combo of the alcohol and sort of a withdrawal of the klonipin. I guess you would have to be in my shoes, don't really know what direction to take these days. I know that for those of you not in this dilema, this may sound like a defeatist attitude but it is just a lot of confusion to me. In my mind, I feel that Dr. Eskapa just could not give those of us on benzo's a definitive answer as to weather this method will work or not for us and that is very discouraging to me. Thanks for listening and I felt that I needed to tell you all where I am coming from since this is a place to share our experiences with naltrexone.

WTE ya know I feel like you are right in this room with me sometimes. You are such a kind and honest person. You really move me. I will not give up, hell I don't have anywhere to go! You and a few others here are a lifeline for me. I thought that I had found a way to save my life and I was very excited. I thought I found a way to save my life at MWO also with topamax! Yes, I am now looking for a miracle or maybe just a wee glimmer of hope somehwhere.....excuse, talking to myself now.........

LaBear,

Somehow you'll get there - I just feel it. No matter what happens, we all care and will always be here to support you.